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How To Talk About Anal Sex With Your Partner

Want to go in the out door? Here's how to talk about anal sex with your partner without causing problems in your relationship.

By Ossiana TepfenhartPublished 7 years ago 5 min read

Talking about sex isn't always comfortable, particularly if you are worried about how your partner will take it. Anal sex, as well as other anal-related kinks, tends to be one of those topics that can either bring you closer together or push you two apart.

Sex can only improve if you two talk about it, and that includes improving the number of things you want to do in bed. If you want to have anal sex, but aren't sure how to broach the subject, you need to learn how to talk about anal sex with your partner.

Try to gauge if your partner is the type to try anal — or if they would react badly to it.

Part of learning how to talk about anal sex with your partner is knowing whether it's a good idea to discuss it. A lot of people out there are in relationships with people who either don't want to have sex or just have serious sexual hangups they don't want to discuss.

Personally, I don't understand how people can date someone who's sexually incompatible with them. However, it happens. If you're dating someone who has these issues, talking to them about anal sex might not be the wisest idea.

Rather, it may be better to discuss the potential of getting therapy so they can overcome their sexual issues — or, alternatively, dump them for someone who is more compatible with you.

On the other hand, if they are open to regular sex and are very interested in it, then you should consider talking about anal or kink with them. It's very likely that they would be receptive to it.

Learn how to time the "anal" talk.

Part of learning how to talk about anal sex with your partner is learning when it's appropriate to do so.

Ideally, you would want to talk to them about it when you're both relaxed, alone, and possibly just enjoying a romantic night in. This is the time when they are most likely to be open to talking about it and will be most likely to hear you out.

Obviously, if you're having relationship problems, talking about anal sex will not help anything. In fact, it'll make it worse and may even get you dumped.

Additionally, you might not want to talk about anal sex until you learn more about it. Things like being able to answer questions about how to have anal sex safely will help you get your partner into it in many cases.

Ask your partner if they've ever considered having anal play.

This is the crux of learning how to talk about anal sex with your partner: actually talking to them. There are a couple of good ways to approach this topic smoothly. Here are my favorite methods for broaching any kinky subject with a partner:

  • "I've been thinking. I want to explore new sides of lovemaking with you." This helps make them understand that it's a new field of exploration, and frames it as a new way to bond with you.
  • "Wanna try something new tonight?" This is a good way to start the talk about anal sex, or really any new sexy thing you want to do. Even talking dirtycan be broached this way.
  • "There's been something I've been fantasizing about doing with you..." Both flattering and at the same time, slow on the buildup, this is a good way to ease into the talk without seeming overly excited about it.
  • "Is there anything kinda kinky or wild you want to do?" Sometimes, you might be surprised what you hear. You might even find they've been wanting to do anal before, too. Anal is a common fetish, after all.
Not everyone is going to work well with each approach, so another part of understanding how to talk to your partner about anal sex is knowing which approach works best.

Understand that SSC still is mandatory when it comes to anal sex and talking about it.

SSC is aBDSM term that means "Safe, Sane, and Consensual." Talking about anal sex shouldn't be a huge burden, and if your partner is not interested, that should be the end of the topic.

You might be wondering what this means when it comes to learning how to talk to your partner about anal sex. It means that there are certain things that you should never do, including the following:

  • Wheedle, whine, and badger your partner about anal. No means no. 50 no's and a yes is not a yes; it's a form of sexual coercion. It also is a sign you don't know how to talk to your partner but know plenty about talking at them.
  • Threaten to leave them over their refusal to have anal sex with you. If you're not sexually compatible, don't stay with them — but also, don't try to force them to sleep with you. It's much less painful and way more respectful to just break things off if it's not working.
  • "Surprise" them with anal. This is called rape. Doing this makes you a rapist.
  • Compare them to other partners, and then tell them "other partners were fine with it." This is emotionally abusive and incredibly disrespectful. If you do stuff like this to get your way, you shouldn't be with your partner.

In other words, keep it respectful — but do make your point heard. If you have a partner who has acted in a non-SSC manner with you over sex, it may be time to seek out help.

If they are interested in trying it out, make it happen.

If they seem interested in it, then it's full steam ahead. You've learned how to talk about anal sex with your partner effectively and that means it's time to enjoy yourself.


About the Creator

Ossiana Tepfenhart

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of New Jersey. This is her work account. She loves gifts and tips, so if you like something, tip her!

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