How to find a dom.

It is important to know what kind of sub you are. Different submissives will have different interests. Finding out who you are as a submissive is a critical step in finding a good dominant. If you don’t know who you are, you are not going to be able to find the one who is right for you.

Once you have taken a BDSM test to determine what kind of submissive you are, now you should make a list to determine what it is you want to get out of this dynamic. Your list should have two columns. The first column is things that you want to try and things you want to explore. The second column is your hard limit list. These items will not be explored at all. These are things you do not want to do or try. They should not ever be infringed on unless you decide that you want to try something on that list.

There are a few things you need to know. You have the right to use a safe word at any time, for any reason, without warning. This also includes even after play has started. There is no one at all for any reason who can take this ability away from you. It is not only you’re right in the BDSM community, it is the law. You have the right to say no by using a SafeWord. if someone tries to keep you from using your SafeWord, that is abuse. Plain and simple.

(See the full video at the link below, plus NSFW content by sadomasochistic_Daddy)

Before you start looking for a dominant, you should take some time to educate yourself on the BDSM lifestyle and the BDSM community as a whole. For the most part, this dynamic is very very similar to a vanilla relationship, but there are key differences such as different kinks that would never ever take place in a vanilla relationship. Educate yourself on this lifestyle to determine what parts of it you want to explore and what part or parts you want to remain unexplored.

Take some time first to think about a few fantasies that you might like to play out. There are so many different types of fantasies or role-play scenarios that are a huge part of this life style. With this exploration, you can then determine what it is that you want most. The excitement alone should drive you to explore these fantasies in your own mind. How do you see it playing out? How are you going to keep safety in mind? How are you going to approach hard limits and soft limits?

Sometimes it is very useful to practice before you actually engage in the lifestyle. There are Dom’s out there who you can go to and pay for their services to provide the actual dynamic in a way that allows you to explore exactly what you want to be. If this is something you are interested in, send me a message and I am happy to guide you through the initial process of beginning the dynamic and also learning how to navigate your way through it safely and properly.

When you start interacting with a potential dom, you should always keep an eye out for potential warning signs. This could include things like does the person seem to have a general interest in you as a person, or do they just want to get directly into the dynamic and start trying to dominate you right off the bat? If they seem like they have your best interests in mind as the priority, chances are that is going to be a good fit. If they immediately try to dominate you, that is a huge red flag.

This dynamic should never ever be built strictly on domination and/or punishment. Any relationship built strictly on punishment is doomed to not only fail but is also very likely to end up as an abusive relationship. Not all people are the same way, but there are a lot out there who use females especially who are in this lifestyle as an outlet because they know females in this lifestyle typically like certain things like pain play and it gives them an easy target for their abuse. You must watch out for this.

Understand that there are a lot of fake DOMS at these parties but they can be a great way to interact with people on a personal level and really gain a lot of detailed knowledge of the lifestyle. These events typically require some sort of vetting process which makes them safer so try to find kink events that use a vetting process for their attendees and you will have a good chance of interacting with people who are going to be beneficial to you and your search for the beginning of this lifestyle.

There are numerous apps out there for kink and BDSM lifestyle. Using these apps can give you a very detailed and very open yet hidden form of exploration. It can allow you to be yourself. These apps can give you a good way to interact with people but there are also a lot of fake DOMS that use these apps as well so it’s important to ask the right questions before you engage someone in conversation, and it’s especially important before you meet them in person.

First and foremost is when you are having a discussion with this person, do they seem like they have your best interest in mind. We covered that already but that one is incredibly important. Next thing you need to ask is what is their policy on the usage of safe words and your ability to retract consent. If the answer is anything at all other than you always have that ability no matter what the circumstance, that is an unbelievably large red flag and that person is likely looking for someone to abuse. You always have the right to use your SafeWord.

When you build a social circle including other submissive, whether they are like you or if they are a different type of submissive, you are opening yourself up to a new level of information. There is no other greater source to use, then other people who are already in your position. Use the comment section on these posts to interact with other submissive. Talk, ask questions, get their input, ask for feedback, what works for them and what doesn’t.

Sometimes it is pretty easy to pinpoint these people. A fake Dom will be worried about his ability or her ability to control you, punish you, and look into all the negative aspects. This dynamic should never ever be built on punishment. Is this person going to allow you to use a safe word? Is this person going to have a general interest in you as a person. A real dom will show interest in your life and your lifestyle, more importantly, they will show interest in you as a person.

You should be fully prepared for potential bad dates or for setbacks that can happen. Dating in this dynamic is very similar to dating in the vanilla lifestyle. There are key differences but for the most part, dating is essentially the same. Use your gut instinct. What feelings are you getting about this person? Do you feel like they are a safe and trustworthy person or are there any sort of bells or alarms going off at all? If there are, you should address that and ask some questions to see if it’s OK.

You should be fully prepared for potential bad dates or for setbacks that can happen. Dating in this dynamic is very similar to dating in the vanilla lifestyle. There are key differences but for the most part, dating is essentially the same. Use your gut instinct. What feelings are you getting about this person? Do you feel like they are a safe and trustworthy person or are there any sort of bells or alarms going off at all? If there are, you should address that and ask some questions to see if it’s OK.

Understanding what you want out of this lifestyle and this dynamic has got to be priority number one. Once you understand who it is you are and what you are wanting to get out of this, now you can approach the searching process with more informed decisions. Do not allow yourself to get complacent or allow yourself to make snap decisions. There is no room to be indecisive. You also need to understand that you as the submissive, hold 100% of the power.

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