How to Discover What Your Partner Really Fantasizes About

People are complex creatures, especially regarding what they’re looking for in their sexual and romantic relationships. It can take months to get the hang of what someone’s into in the bedroom and often years to get a feel for their relationship needs. However, a person’s deepest, most secret fantasies are another story entirely.

Of course, every couple should be talking openly and frankly about sex, so simply asking your partner outright about their fantasies is always a good idea. But how honest would you be in that position, especially if caught off guard? If you’re like most people, you’ve likely got some fantasies you’re comfortable sharing and others – perhaps the ones that really turn you on – that you’re bashful about.

Still, there are ways to increase the likelihood of getting an honest answer and a better read on where your partner may be holding back. Here are some good examples to start with, as well as some suggestions on what to do once you have the answers you’re after.

Choose the right time to ask about fantasies.

If you’ve been with your partner a while, then you’ve probably noticed they’re more likely to be frisky and open to sexually charged conversations at certain times. For example, maybe they’re always down to get dirty first thing in the morning or in the middle of the day when they’re bored enough at work for their mind to be wandering. Those are the best times to ask about secret fantasies, as your partner is a lot more likely to answer honestly.

Turn talking about sex into a habit.

If you’re not a natural motormouth when it comes to talking about sex, don’t worry. Sex talk is a lot like anything else worth being good at in that practice makes perfect. The more you and your partner do it, the easier it will get, and the more comfortable you’ll both become with telling each other the really good stuff.

Introduce some light dirty talk into your lovemaking routine. Whisper something low-ley naughty into their ear when you’re out having fun sometime. Tell them how hot they look or how badly you want them. Once the ball’s rolling, all you have to do is keep it moving and up the stakes when you’re both ready. You’ll enjoy a heightened libido and will be swapping fantasies like champs before you know it.

Consider your partner’s earliest turn-ons.

Someone’s current kinks and turn-ons can have more in common with their very first ones than you might think. And those first obsessions are often easier to talk about, meaning people are a lot more likely to have confessed one or two in good fun throughout the relationship.

If your partner has ever told you anything like this, don’t just dismiss it as some silly phase they’ve probably outgrown. Think about it further and consider whether they’ve shown an interest in anything that might be related. And if you don’t know your partner’s earliest turn-ons, there’s no time like the present to ask them to clue you in. It will do wonders for your sexual wellness and relationship health in general.

Use a sexy movie to spark further conversation.

If you still have fantasies, you feel too shy to bring up outright (or suspect your partner might), there’s nothing like some sexy media to break the ice. Pick a movie that features something specific you’d like to open a dialogue about and suggest it the next time it’s your turn to choose the film du jour. Not only will the movie serve as an excellent conversation starter, but it just might raise the temperature in the room a couple of degrees, to boot.

Another trick for bringing up complex topics is to reference an article you read or a conversation with a close friend. (Feel free to make one up if you don’t have a real one to talk about.) Then, when you’re done talking, ask your partner what they think about that topic for some helpful insight into their inner workings.

So, now you know. What’s next?

Once you know what really makes your partner tick, there are many fun ways to keep that sexy vibe going. For instance, you can start a “naughty box” that the two of you take turns filling with secret fantasies, desires, and thoughts when they come to you. Open the box and pull out a couple for some sizzling inspiration the next time you want some new ideas to try in the bedroom.

A sexy subscription box from a top-tier service like Seductive Pleasure Box can serve as incredible ongoing bedroom inspiration, as well. You’ll get to look forward to an affordably priced box of goodies arriving in the mail every month, each filled with toys, products, and accessories that are perfect for realizing your fantasies together (or discovering some new ones).

Life’s too short to spend it having sex that you both know could be better. So, the sooner you start your own journey, the better!