Hot Girl Summer Chapter Four

Bill Cosby-esque* = Anything related to the harm of women up to, and including sexual assault, sometimes involving drugging the victim. See also: Tap dancing ass respectability politics.

Okay so I guess this bitch did. I immediately FaceTimed my girl to see if what I think just happened, happened.

She answered the phone, skin glowing, smiling wide as fuck in a white hotel robe. The name inscribed on the breast was one of the nicest hotels on the Vegas strip, which I could see behind her.

“What’s up, girl?” She moved her hair out of her face dramatically with her left hand, clearly showing off that giant rock on her finger.

“Uhm, bitch you tell me! What the fuck is going on? Tell me that’s a promise ring!”

“At my big age? With this big diamond? Baby, no. I am a married woman now!”

I just stared at her in disbelief. She really went and married a man she met last night, last night. Her goofy ass was still over there grinning.

“Ma’am. You are insane. What do you know about him? What did your parents say? What are y’all even doing??”

Monique laughed my concern away.

“All that’s important is that I’m in love, and I’m happy. I was just about to call my parents when you called.”

“You haven’t told your fucking parents?! He didn’t ask your dad for your hand in marriage?”

Monique rolled her eyes.

“You know I don’t believe in that Stone Age shit. I am my own person, and I don’t need anyone’s permission to get married. Be real.”

She was right in that she didn’t do anything traditionally. Mo was always going on about how her birth chart shows she’s not meant to go with the crowd, her life is destined to be chaotic, ruled by Saturn this and that. This was just a lot to process. I really was worried about her safety.

“You didn’t answer my question. What do you know about him? As a matter of fact, what’s his first and last name? I’m about to look his ass up.”

“You don’t think I already did that?”

“I know how you get when you like a man. All the sudden you’re colorblind to all the red flags.”

Though she was still laughing off my worries, she did give me his full name to look up. I was immediately going to search for any Bill Cosby-esque* charges because she was suspiciously giddy, even for a newlywed.

Okay now why was Google auto filling shit in after his name?

…Net worth

… traded to Raiders

… Single?

Nah… this couldn’t be who I thought it was.

I pressed “return” and waited for the page to load.

“Ain’t no way …” I quietly muttered.

Monique was over there giggling.

“Yes way, bitch. Meet my new husband!”

She dropped her phone to the floor and from where it landed I could see her running around the suite laughing and dancing. Yeah, that’s how I would be too if I just happened upon a fine ass multimillionaire NFL player on a whim and married him the same night. No time for prenuptial agreements, I’m assuming. This bitch has every right to be dancing. I should be dancing with her, shit! This is actually great news.

I let her continue her dance as I skimmed the rest of his Google page. Alright, from what I could see … Arms was cool. No scandals in college, no kids, no domestic disputes. I did see a clip of a fight on the field, but it looked like buddy had it coming. And Arms cleared. He had a charity in his name to fund after school programs for kids …I mean … Shit, this nigga was cool with me!

After her dance number she picked her phone back up, only to drop it again, startled by the opening of the door.

“Honey, I’m home!” I heard in a voice I recognized as Arms.

“Hi, baby.” Was followed by moist kissing sounds. This bitch better not forget me down here!

I was relieved when she picked me right back up. Arms was in frame. He looked even better in real time, damn. He waved and smiled as Monique introduced us.

“I can’t wait to meet you!” I told him, keeping the “and your friends and teammates, too”, silent.

“Well you won’t have to wait too long!” Monique’s smile was suspicious as she continued.

“As a matter of fact, pack your bags, girl! We’re having a reception here in Vegas tomorrow evening!” The happy couple celebrated by kissing again while I looked at them like they were insane.

“Monique. Tomorrow is Monday. People have jobs!”

“People are getting a free trip, and stay in Vegas! People get the once in a lifetime opportunity to celebrate their favorite people finding the love of their lives! People have PTO!”

She was making points …

“Look, girl. I’ve been up since last night planning this. We’re sending party buses for my friends and family out there, and he’s bringing in his people. Just pack a bag for a formal party, and then some hoochie mama outfits, and of course a bikini.”

She was dead ass serious.

“I love you, but I have some other calls to make. The buses are meeting at my parents’ house at 9 PM tonight.”

“You haven’t even told them yet, though?”

“I’m calling them now! I’ll talk to you later!”

She hung up and I was left with my mouth agape. She really be doing crazy shit, but this took the cake. Speaking of cake… is she going to have time to get one? I specifically remember her saying she wanted her wedding cake to be an edible, and that has honestly been something I’ve always looked forward to. I hope her new man can make it happen for her!

Well… it looked like I was going to Vegas and needed to be packed and at her parents’ house in less than 12 hours. Cool. She was lucky I just had my hair and nails done!

By 8 PM I was packed and waiting for my Uber. By 8:30 PM I was in front of Monique’s parents’ with my mouth agape once again.

There was damn near a whole block party going on. Music was playing. There was a “CONGRATULATIONS,MO!” banner hanging. I saw a man in stilts passing out pre-rolled blunts and gummies. Well, I definitely wasn’t worried about the wedding cake anymore.

The man on stilts approached me and gave me my party favors. I graciously accepted. This was about to be a fun couple of days.

I saw Monique’s parents laughing and chatting with guests. They seemed very chill for having a daughter that had just eloped. They greeted me with hugs.

“So, Monique is married!” I exclaimed awkwardly.

They laughed. Her mom told me they were coping just fine.

“Honestly, her dad has a major man-crush on him. He was heartbroken when they traded him to the Raiders, he had just bought his jersey. I think he’s more excited about meeting him than he is upset about Monique being married to essentially a stranger.”

We all laughed a bit, but I know they couldn’t be all the way okay with it. What was done was done, though, and Arms was cool.

Next thing I know, some good looking fellow with a megaphone appeared. He explained that there were two buses because one was for “turning up” and the other was for “turning down”. He said everyone who had accepted gifts from our friend on stilts would probably enjoy the former, and people who wanted to get some sleep on the five hour drive should go for the latter. It was now 8:50, and we were departing in ten minutes.

As everyone started scrambling to their respective rides, I asked Megaphone Man if he was coming with us, and which bus he was getting on. He revealed a bottle of champagne and told me I should already know the answer to that.

Three hours into the bus ride I was on cloud nine, and it wasn’t just because we had smoked it out to the point you could barely see the person sitting next to you. That bottle of champagne was the first of many, and I was sitting on Microphone Man’s lap letting him whisper in my ear and go on about himself, how pretty I was, and how excited he was that his best friend was married. As he tightened his grip around me I couldn’t help but hope it was going to be us next. I fell asleep to him kissing on my neck and rubbing my body down.

When I woke up it was still dark outside, but the Vegas city lights were bright. I rubbed my eyes as MM tapped my thigh and told me to get up. He went on to make some announcements about rooming arrangements and the such. He was really on his Best Man shit.

I decided to FaceTime Monique and see what she was up to. It was about 2 AM and she just got married, so I was assuming she was out. When the call connected all I saw was titties. They were attached to a body that was bouncing up and down on Monique’s lap as money was flying from the sky. In the background I saw it was Arms making it rain. This looked like where I needed to be. She couldn’t hear me over the commotion, but she could see we were in town. Her and Arms gave me the thumbs up as MM sat back down. The call disconnected. I looked at my fine new friend. He looked back. All of the sudden I wasn’t in a “Bands Make Her Dance” mood, but a “Dance for You” one.

He told me that our “rooms” was actually one singular room that we were sharing.

“How convenient.” I said sarcastically.

“I mean, I can find my own room if you want.” He whined jokingly.

“I don’t want to make a big deal of it. We can bunk together, I suppose.” I playfully rolled my eyes and smiled at him.

Once again his hands were all over me and we couldn’t help but play a quick game of tongue hockey. I was ready to get to our room immediately.

My wish was quickly granted.

Megaphone Man put our luggage down and before I knew it, both of us were butt ass naked in the suite’s shower. I felt like we were in a movie. He had me facing the shower wall with his hands wrapped around my throat. Well, just one hand was on my throat, the other was finding its way down to my pussy. It was dripping like the waterfall shower we were in. I could barely breathe but I was loving every second. In a smooth motion he had me bent over and was all inside of me. This was the most wild shit I had ever been apart of.

I’m not sure how long we were in the shower before we made it to the California King but I do know we stayed in that thing all night. “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” was a spirit I let take over me. I was doing all the nasty things I’d thought about doing, but never did. I don’t know how he did it, but Megaphone Man made me comfortable enough to let my walls down while he was breaking my walls down. I couldn’t even blame it on the champagne and weed, because I’ve been way more faded, and still not as freaky. This friend group is something else. Got me acting like a porn star, and my bestie married.

I woke up to the sun shining not only on the Vegas strip, but on my new man’s chest. I sat up and looked around. It was Monday and I was in bed with a stranger, in Sin City. I blamed Monique! I looked over at Megaphone Man again. Blame … thank … what’s the difference?

As if she’d been summoned, Monique was knocking at my door seconds later. I went to answer the door with MM closely behind. We were greeted by both Mo and Arms. They looked at us with raised eyebrows and sly grins.

“So glad you two have been acquainted. Love that we’re all friends here.” Arms started in a slightly sarcastic tone.

We all looked at one another and laughed.

“Moving on … Today is a chill day, up until the reception downstairs at four. We’re just stopping by to thank everyone who made it on such short notice, so we’ll see you later!” Monique laid out the plan with the biggest smile on her face. I was very happy for my girl, especially now that I understood how fast you can fall for someone.

We all exchanged hugs and “see you later”s.

When the door closed MM and I looked at each other and tried to guess what the other was thinking.

Before we could express ourselves we heard shouting from the hall. It didn’t last long, and by the time I opened the door Monique was already storming down the hall with tears in her eyes. I looked for clues before starting after her. Arms was speaking extremely sternly to a middle aged woman, flailing his nickname-sake around as he did so. He was really pissed.

From behind I heard a stressed “Oh, shit. He invited his mom.”