Glitter T*ts

At the arguably 'mature' age of 28, I pierced my nipples on a whim. When I was younger, I dreamed of piercing my nipples and belly button when I was 'thinner' (in quotes here because I was a UK size 10 to 12 at 18), when I had more confidence, after a boob job (because like most girls that age I thought my perky, natural breasts were 'saggy' thanks to porn). Of course, I never got thinner, perkier, or more confident because the world is a meat grinder and none of us make it out alive...

Then I had a strange resurrection - I started to walk every day to prepare for a charity challenge in aid of Diabetes UK (a challenge in progress at the time of writing, so if you want to support a good cause you can do so here). The process of walking every day, sometimes to and from the gym for weightlifting sessions, improved my mental health, my body, my self-esteem, and as the challenge neared, I made a snap decision - I contacted a local piercer, a fabulously experienced woman called Kirsty at a local shop in my home town, and booked an appointment. Then I called in an already pierced friend for support.

The Nerves are Worse Than the Pinch....

It was the kind of hot day that makes you sweat no matter what you're doing, and as I sat on the rough plastic chair, I was more nervous about the sweat built up over the long walk we had taken ("I'll get some steps in for the challenge!" I thought) than the pain. I apologised profusely for my body and its state, made jokes about my breasts, lifted my shoulders to make them sit higher on my body....

And this wonderful, mature woman who has been piercing since the '70s just smiled and let me work through it until I realized that she didn't care. She didn't care. I could have had tits down to my knees with gaudy tattoos and unshaven armpits, and she wouldn't have cared. I was clean, polite, and paying, and it was not my place to be attractive to her. What a relief!

She marked where the bars would sit and let me choose the jewellery I would want. Being a magpie by nature, I paid extra for gold-plated bars with small crystals. Who wouldn't want sparkly tatas, I remember asking, and she laughed.

But it Definitely 'Nips' (Pun Intended)

Lying on the table with my tits spreading like fried eggs and the understanding that there was a sharp piece of metal lurking nearby, just waiting to strike, was probably one of the stranger moments in my life, but it also felt right. It felt like coming to a resolution. As a single, fat, masculine, bisexual woman there was no real way to argue that I was doing this for anyone but myself. I had to admit that I was decorating my body for my own enjoyment, and while that's the ideal it was also radical for me. It felt like admitting my body deserved decoration. That it was worthy of carrying beautiful things for no-ones pleasure but my own.

"It's really not as bad as getting your helix done - breath in and out three times for me-"

She lied. Or, more honestly she was wrong - I learned I have very sensitive nipples, that day. It's without a doubt the most painful piercing I've had - worse than ear cartilage piercings by far.

The Dressings are Your Best Friend

Before the piercing your nipples and the skin around them will be cleaned - do not touch the skin after, or your piercer will probably tell you off. Gods knows mine did, though she was nice about it. Afterward, the new piercings will be covered with a dressing. You'll be tempted to take them off and look at your shinies, but don't!

I left my dressings on over night, and based on the research I've done this is one of the best things you could do - especially if you have pets in your bed as I do.

When I peeled them off the next morning, hungover and shaking, I was struck by how clean and intact they were. There was no real swelling, the colour of the skin was much the same. In fact, save for the bloody spots on the dressing and the way the water I soaked the piercings in turned pink, it was hard to tell that the piercings were new.

This is the benefit of seeking out an experienced piercer for such a sensitive area. Remember that the skin of your nipples is very thin and sensitive. For this reason, it will take longer for these piercings to heal. Proper aftercare is crucial!

More of Your Friends Will See Your Tits Than Not

I was never one to send nudes, especially not to my friends, but when I tell you I started sending pictures to trusted friends the minute the piercings were cleaned up... well, safe to say my friends know me better now.

The Only Thing You'll Love More Than Saline Solution are Cotton Buds

The key to helping your piercings heal properly is to be gentle and keep them clean. As someone with very sensitive skin, salt and water made my nipples dry and sore, but a mild saline solution was perfect for soaking away the discharge and crust that built up around the openings.

Soaking a small cotton bud in that sterile solution to clean away debris and residue let me make a thorough job of cleaning the area without using my fingers.

You'll Learn to Love Your Body in a More Authentic Way

I cannot speak for men on this count, but for women 'loving' your body often means celebrating its appearance. Even in empowerment, we are told to redefine beauty and make ourselves a part of it. Piercing my nipples started as an attempt to do this - I wanted to decorate my body with beautiful things in order to feel beautiful. I wanted to have a tiny secret, a rebellious, feminine touch to counteract the very masculine vibe I exude both by choice (a long story) and by habit (a longer one).

Instead, I had a very different experience. I had to care for my bodies needs, gently and tenderly. So often I have shown this tenderness for others, using it to care for my elderly dogs, for example, but rarely do I extend it to myself. I have left cuts and burns to heal alone, uncovered, and dealt with the scars as they are.

Nipple piercings are needy children - the sensitive skin doesn't heal quickly. It weeps and throbs and will swell at the slightest provocation. I had to be gentle with my body and nurture it like a child - this is not something that lies easy in my nature. As the wounds heal (and they will be healing for a few months yet), I am finding comfort and tolerance of my body that is new and wonderful.

Who'd have thought that a process that is, truthfully, purely cosmetic could feed the soul and heart so well?