Gentlemen, it's time to MEATUS

For most of my life, I have used a racial slur to describe a part of my penis.

It’s as shameful as it is unbelievable, but without thought, and much reason, since being a child, I have accepted the crude term ‘Jap’s eye’ to describe the hole at the end of my dick.

Despite its massively offensive connotations, it is a widely used piece of slang here in the United Kingdom. Many men and boys wouldn’t think twice about using in an everyday conversation, in front of women, and probably in actual clinical circumstances with doctors and nurses. I suspect many British men might even think it is an acceptable medical term.

While it’s possible that the Japanese could use the phrase “like a Brit’s teeth” to describe an assortment of crooked, discoloured objects, it simply isn’t the same. While a bit old hat, the stereotype of bad British teeth reflects a history of sugary excess and neglect of our pearly whites on a national scale. Many Brits would have better teeth if they looked after them and spent the time and money to do so.

In contrast, equating a perceived physical difference in one race to use as a slang term to describe a part of another’s body beggars belief. What’s more, it’s a perfect example of the everyday racism and stereotyping that Asian communities face and to which attention needs to be drawn to eradicate.

But why tell this story? Why shame my fellow countrymen and me by recounting this horrific tale of colonial mockery? Here’s why, because this terrible racial slur has denied me (and probably millions of other men) the glorious pleasure of using the correct medical term for our pissholes – Urethral Meatus!

Meatus!

Fucking Meatus!

Could its true name be any better? Any more magnificent? Indeed, any more manly? Err…No. While it sounds like Ron Swanson has named it, it turns out meatus is, in fact, the term for any passage or opening leading to the interior of the body. Your earhole, real name: external acoustic meatus. The passages through your nasal cavity, real name: superior meatus. The nose actually has three meatuses: superior, middle and inferior.

I repeat, a man’s pee hole is called a meatus. In fact, the passage through the female vulva is also a urethral or urinary meatus. Just think about that for a moment. Think of the jokes, all the puns about where a man and woman meet in intimate moments.

I was livid when I discovered this term. I had wasted years of being able to talk at great length about my meatus in polite and civil conversation. I had missed the opportunity to regale with glee hilarious stories about desperately needing to pee from my meatus. I had missed thousands (ever the optimist) of opportunities to declare triumphantly during sex, "I am going to cum through my MEATUS!" Or better yet, "I am going to cum in your meatus from my meatus." Or if I was feeling more romantic, "Darling, let us meet our meatuses together in love."

Why isn't this perfectly named hole the first thing you are taught as a child? Everyone should know the name meatus. Why had my Dad never taken me aside and told me this fact? Why?

I stewed on this lack of knowledge for days. How, as a grown man, did I not know the true name of arguably the most important hole on my body? And if not the most important, certainly the most used, especially as I get older due to the increased need for the toilet, not an increased libido.

This lack of self-knowledge was, I realised, indicative of a larger problem not just for me but for all men. We have a staggering lack of self-understanding about ourselves and our species. A problem not just for us but often for society as a whole. It made me think about what other facts are there? What other vital pieces of information exist that we should, as all men, recite and understand? What uncommon knowledge really needs to be common knowledge for all men?

To my horror and a greater understanding of my being, I discovered many more facts; I think it would be good for every man as individuals, as groups, and as a part of all functioning societies, cultures and races to know. These facts are, of course, by no means exclusive to just males understanding and knowing. Females and other gender identities would also benefit from knowing these facts.

There’s more of us (especially when we’re younger)

Every year, since records began in the UK, more males have been born than females. This fact, however, isn’t peculiar to the UK; it is a global phenomenon. According to the United Nations' Department of Economic and Social Affairs, Population Division (2019). World Population Prospects in every country on the planet, more baby boys are born than girls, in 2019 for every 100 year girls born, on average 106 males were born. In China, it is as high as 113. Nambia has the lowest ratio of 101 boys to 100 girls.

In some countries, the increased male bias at birth does, unfortunately, represent cultural preferences for males; however, even without such a bias, evolution has decided that everywhere more males need to be born.

The theory, and perhaps the simplest, for this quirk, is an evolutionary one, which says that to have an equal number of males and females in adulthood, there have to be slightly more males born. That is because being a male is a dangerous thing. Males are more likely than females to die in childhood and at all stages of life - from accidents, at work, taking risks, suicide and health problems. Pretty much at every single stage in life, everywhere, a male is more likely to die than a woman.

Overall, on Planet Earth, the number of men and women in the world is roughly equal, though men do hold a slight lead with 102 men for 100 women (in 2020).

The male to female ratio is not, however, consistent between countries. Qatar has the highest sex ratio with more than three males per women, the United Arab Emirates have 224 men per 100 women, and Oman has almost 2 males per women.

In contrast, the country with the highest female to male ratio is Nepal, followed by Hong Kong, Curacao, Martinique and Latvia.

In most countries, at a certain age, the numbers of men and women even out. In France, for example, this occurs at age 25. After this, women outnumber men and the numerical difference between the two sexes increases with age.

Why is it important for men to know this now?

Many women, especially young women, can testify that in multiple situations and daily scenarios, they are often in the minority. From birth, girls are more likely to be exposed to settings where it's more likely there will be more males, whether in the nursery or the night club. Let’s be honest the phrase, "it’s a sausage fest in here," is far more likely to trip of our tongues in numerous settings than a female alternative.

This natural male bias contributes both consciously and subconsciously to social settings everywhere. Add in cultural differences and often religious differences, and all too frequently, women can find themselves vastly outnumbered by men constantly in day-to-day settings. As men, we need to appreciate this fact. We need to appreciate that nature and society have created a world where we potentially have safety in numbers and, what’s more, where our very existence and our behaviours are amplified, or at worst, have the potential to cause fear and intimidation.

Here in the UK, following the brutal murder of Sarah Everard, the debate about the behaviours and attitudes of men towards women has once again come into the limelight. And if you unpick many of the genuine concerns and fears aired by so many women about their safety and how they feel in public, one undeniable element is based around this very fact; that too frequently, they may be exposed to scenarios where they are outnumbered, and the very presence of more men is simply scary.

So as men, we must appreciate this fact. We must notice this fact on a day to day basis and correct our behaviour accordingly, and it must start when we are at our youngest because when we get older, the ratio dramatically flips.

We don’t live as long.

Everywhere in the world, women live longer than men. Gentlemen, please take that fact in. In every country, in every culture, in every race, women live longer than us. No better is this fact demonstrated than in the list of 100 oldest Americans to ever live. Out of these 100 supercentenarians in the US, six have been male. Six!

According to Statista, in 2015, there were 85,000 male centenarians worldwide and 332,000 female centenarians – nearly four times as many. By the year 2100, it is estimated that there will 6.2 million males over the age of 100 and about 12.9 million females over the age of 100 worldwide.

It is not neatly explained why women live longer than men; however, an increasing body of scientific work suggests the answer may hide in the very hormones that determine our sex. It is now widely believed that the very chemicals which allow females to create and carry life may, in fact, preserve their own lives too.

In sharp contrast, the hormones that supposedly define masculinity, namely testosterone, appears to lead to adverse health consequences and a reduced lifespan. Not only does this hormone promote and make (life) risky behaviour more common, which help to decrease life expectancy, excesses of the hormone also leads to other adverse health conditions and detracts the body from building up its immune system.

Why is it important for men to know this now?

Simply put, we have less time, that matters. That’s less time with friends, less time with family, less time to be good, doing good, and to make a difference. But most of all, it's less time for us as individuals to experience and live the things we want to do. We need to care about the fact that we expose ourselves to more risk. We need to care that we have more chance of dying at every stage of life. We need to value the time we have on this planet. And the more limited we realise our time is, the more we should want to live with equality and freedom, yet too often, our freedom is something else we sacrifice more.

Too many of us are locked up.

In the US, 93% of the prison population are male. In 2020, in the UK, 96% of the prison population was male.

Well, duh! Obviously, right? Doesn't that fact that shock you? Probably not. But it should. It sickens me. How can we tolerate a society where one half (slightly more than half) of its population is around 13 times more likely to end up in prison than the other half.

We probably all know, and again too easily accept the fact, that certain types of men are even more likely to be in prison than others.

According to the Sentencing Project, in the US, one in 17 black men aged 30-34 was in prison in 2015. Black men born in 2001 had a 32% chance of serving time in prison compared to a 17% and 6% chance for Hispanic and white males, respectively.

Are these facts common knowledge or uncommon knowledge? Sometimes, it’s hard to tell, but more often than not, it feels like it's knowledge ignored.

More men in prison, more black men in prison, more men with addiction issues in prison, more men with mental health issues in prison, more men with a history of childhood abuse in prison, these are all symptoms of a disease. But it is the causes of the disease that we must tackle to cure it.

In the last year, around the world, we have seen people rebel against living with one disease that has restricted our freedoms and liberties. Yet, we have been content to live with a disease with multiple causes, making men more likely to wind up in prison than women. It’s a disease that ultimately impacts and affects all of us, and we can’t continue to live with it.

Why is it important for men to know this now?

The justice system isn’t equal. It isn’t fair. Men seem more likely to commit crimes than females, but we also need to know the system is stacked against us. According to a 2012 study by Michigan law professor Sonja Starr, men receive sentences that are 63% higher, on average, than their female counterparts for the same . What’s more, females arrested for the same crimes are significantly less likely to be charged or receive convictions entirely and twice as likely to avoid incarceration if convicted. Let’s be even blunter; simply put, a black man is at greater risk of prison than a white girl would be for committing the same crime.

Men are more prone to taking risks; it's literally in our hormones, risks that are often more likely to land us in trouble. And once in trouble, we are more likely to punished and punished more severely. We need to know this; we need to know that if life, bad choices, and circumstances force us down one road that the road is more likely to come to a bad ending for us just because we’re male; and what’s worse, we often bring the ultimate end of the road upon ourselves.

We have a serious problem with killing ourselves.

My Grandad committed suicide. My Dad committed suicide. They weren’t related by blood, so it wasn’t or isn't a genetic thing, but it is very much a male thing.

In the US, UK, Canada and Australia, men are over three times more likely to kill themselves. Globally, men are 1.8 times more likely to kill themselves, but this increases to between three or four times in Western countries.

In the UK, suicide is the biggest killer of men aged between 40-49. Men in the lowest social class are up to ten times more at risk of suicide than those in the highest social class. In 2016, in the US, 7 out of 10 suicides were white males.

Depression is a significant factor in high male suicide rates, but depression is not unique to men. There is evidence suggesting more females suffer from depression than men or are at least willing to acknowledge that they are depressed, seek help, and use support networks, especially family and friends, to talk about it. According to the Queensland Suicide register, nearly half of female suicides are linked to unipolar depression but only one-third of male suicides in Australia.

Male suicides, it seems, are more commonly linked to a range of distressing life events such as relationship breakdown, financial problems, bereavement, unemployment, familial conflict, conflict experience, substance abuse, poor living circumstances and pending legal matters. What does that really mean? Are men less able to deal with life issues than women? Are men more exposed to life’s trauma than women? Well, the truth, as hard it could be to accept, is perhaps a bit of both.

According to mentalhealth.org.uk, men are less likely to access psychological therapies than women. Nearly three-quarters of adults who go missing are men. 87% of rough sleepers are men. Men are nearly three times as likely as women to become dependent on alcohol and three times as likely to report frequent drug use. Men are more likely to be compulsorily detained. Men are more likely to be victims of violent crime (1.5 times), and as I have already discussed, men make up the vast majority of the prison population.

Many of the mental health issues male and females exhibit in later life also start when we are young. We are all familiar with the idea that boys are more likely to “act out” and girls are more likely to “act in”. This pattern is reflected in children. According to an Australian study on Child and Adolescent mental health and well-being, 72% of children with ADHD are boys, 63% of children with conduct disorders are boys. In contrast, 75% of reported self-harm is by girls. So what happens in adult life, which means those that boys who acted out, make acting out on themselves their definitive act in life.

There are many theories as to why men kill themselves more. I have referred already to the fact depression may be underdiagnosed in men. A depressed female is more widely recognised or easier to recognise; factors like self-harm, crying, and talking about it all help women with depression be identified sooner. Men’s depression is too frequently hidden behind anger, violence and substance abuse. It is also not talked about by men to other men. And why? Because the traditional gender roles imposed on us ourselves, by females, and by society as a whole is that we should be strong, we should be tough; boys, after all, don’t cry. Right?

Why is it important for men to know this now?

Women know this already, they have known this for centuries, but the biggest risk to them is men, especially the men they know. This is a conversation that is currently live and loud in the UK and indeed across the world right now. But do enough men realise that the biggest enemy to men is also men? History is a long narrative of men inflicting misery on their fellow man. And when we can’t inflict it on others, or when we ourselves become a victim of other men, then we ultimately, and literally, turn on ourselves. The person men need to most look out for, if we are ever to help others or be a force for good, is us.

Why does all this matter to me?

I am a 39-year old male. This year I will turn forty. I am literally about to become a middle-aged white man. And the cold hard truth is, I don’t want to be. I hear the facts. I hear the anger. We are, it feels, public enemy number one. I am about to become something representing the most resented ideal of society right now - the white patriarchy. We are the people who have exploited and prospered while others, because of their gender or the colour of their skin, have suffered.

At the top of this article, I told the story of how without thought for most of my life, I have used a racial slur to describe a part of my genitals - if that isn’t a perfect example of white privilege, what is? The very concept of the term and the ease with which I could use it now sickens me. I am genuinely sorry for using it. That recent revelation and the greater global reflection on the patriarchy, and in particular the white patriarchy, has forced me to explore these facts and this uncommon knowledge - and what I have found has made me miserable.

As a white man about to enter into his forties, an age when the thing most likely to kill me, is me, I have to ask why the female sex and other groups in society are striving so hard to reach equality with the white man. Much of what we have isn’t worth it. Society as a whole must strive to be better than the white man, far, far better than we have been.

If the perception is that we have created a world where the patriarchy, and in particular the white patriarchy, prosper, then we have failed massively if in that world a white male is far more likely to kill and remove himself from it. Simply put, we have created a world where the perceived ideal isn’t worth living up to.

Please don’t try to be equal to me. Be better. Be so much better. The patriarchy, which I officially step into soon all flabby and white, isn’t something to ever aspire to; it is something that needs help. We need help. I need help. We need to talk, and we need talking to. We need help to admit our failures, and we need to be encouraged to talk about them. We need to learn respect, and most of all, we need to begin respecting ourselves.

As a white man, I nearly made it to forty years of age, not knowing that the hole at the end of the dangling appendage between my legs, which apparently defines me, had a spectacular name, the urinary meatus. That's embarrassing, it's pathetic, and it's typical of what we have allowed ourselves to become.

Gentlemen (the misused nomenclature of the white patriarchy), it’s time to be exactly that; it’s time for us to show compassion, show respect, show a lot more love to others and ourselves. We must stop deluding ourselves with a world we think we have created and live in the reality that this world is one where we die younger, are less healthy, are more likely to be locked up, and it's actually not better to be a man. We need help. It’s ok to admit it. It’s ok to accept our failures. Boys can cry. And it does take a real man to admit when he is wrong. Men, lets finally ‘meatus’ and be our better selves and, for God's sake, ask others to help us get there.