You got a new heart and then you left me.
The mind-numbing action took its toll on me at the time. And I guess I hadn't realized how much of an impact it had caused in me until just a moment ago when I saw you enter the same train car as me. This train was heading somewhere foreign but there was nothing unfamiliar about the way my skin burned and my throat closed up whenever we were in the same room.
I met you when everything but my heart had wanderlust and you seemed to have a knack for loving anything that wasn't good for you. A damaged wick was lit that night, and the candle never really burned out. Two lost kids in search of something we held no comprehension of, but demanded anyway still lingered inside us somewhere. We did our best to tune them out, but it was to no avail, much like your attempts to show me just how much you were willing to put up with just to get me to love you the right way.
I shifted in my seat when I remembered the last time I saw you. I'd just finished fucking a woman who'd never hold a candle to you in the bathroom of a nightclub. She came twice, while my dick died at the sound of your voice just outside the stall. I don't remember her name. As a matter of fact, I don't remember the names of any of the women I fucked in order to forget how horrible I was to you. What I do remember was how happy you looked without my actions weighing you down, anchoring you deeper and deeper into the toxic wasteland I often dragged you into.
I had no idea how to be the man you wanted me to be at 17. All I knew was I'd been having a hard time keeping my dick in my pants whenever you weren't around. I'd been a mess before I met you, and not much has changed since you served me a spoonful of my own medicine and left without saying goodbye. You leaving didn't break me. It was the lingering hollow feeling of knowing how many times I'd done the same to you, and the fact that you stuck around for more bullets hoping I'd love you enough to change, that destroyed me in the end. Your actions had been the gun and your unspoken words had pulled the trigger, leaving me to lie in my own pool of mistakes to drown in.
And I still know you. I know you can feel me watching you. I know you only let your dark curls out of your bun to cover the tattoo on your neck you'd gotten in honor of the person who gave you a second chance at life. You created that superstition. Showing off your blessings only paved the way for more disasters to show up sooner. Maybe you saw me coming before I saw you after all.
It didn't surprise me. You were a woman of many talents, many questions and very little answers. You basked in the quiet of your mind to keep you sane, to keep you guarded and alert for any incoming storms that reminded you of me. I wonder if all the hard work you put into forgetting me would work if I were to stand before you, staring you in the eye as my thumb traced your bottom lip and my dick pressed up in between the curvature of your hips. I was a daredevil. I know you remember that since you don't look surprised to see the smirk on my face or that I had followed you back to your cabin.
"You look beautiful," I claim with nothing but honesty. But my words never did my actions justice. I wanted to show you just how sorry I was for loving you in such a terrible way all those years ago. I wanted you to know I've spent all this time without you trying to be something worth smiling about. Mostly to ease the ache of waking up to the ghost of you instead, but to also get rid of the despair that I had been clinging to silently since I was a kid.
"And you shouldn't be in here," you counter and the sharpness in your tone would've turned me off if it were anyone else but you. I wanted you to stay the intimidating and hauntingly gorgeous woman I met back then. I never wanted my mistakes to dim the light in your brown eyes. It seemed you'd gotten a new pair of those too since you couldn't bare to look at me at the moment. It hurt, I had to admit it. But I'd done worse to you. I hurt you more times than I can count and I live with those nightmares on a daily basis. Not being the reason why you smile or why your new heart beats melodically kills me but again, I deserve anything and everything you will ever plan on throwing at my face.
"I can't say hello to an old friend?" I ask you, ending with a short laugh, trying to put some color back into your pale cheeks. How was it possible you'd gotten more alluring? How was it possible I could still remember just how peaceful I felt burying my cock deep inside you just from being a few feet away from you? We've barely begun this conversation and you've already sparked enough of a mystery to keep my lonely soul holding on to you a while longer.
"We were never friends. And it needs to stay that way," you answer, as you finally turn around and meet my eyes. You're covering your tattoo again. Am I making you nervous? Can you see I'm only half alive without you?
"I had no idea you still hated me," I retort as I step closer to you, invading your personal space, rattling you in the most adorable way. Your cheeks are now flushed and stained in red, out of fury or embarrassment, I wasn't sure. What is certain however, was that I needed to kiss you and you were about to let me.
Some things were inevitable like death and taxes. The undying love we've always had for one another wasn't something I ever wanted to add to that list but here we were, standing in the mess that came with loving something broken and unattainable. Was it my turn to bleed for you until I had no choice but to get a new heart too?
"I'd have to care about you in order to hate you," you quip, every word dripping with pain and all I could do was sigh as your heavily guarded gates slowly fell open for me. I had no idea I still held the key. I figured you replaced the lock after your heart transplant and never looked back. It was comforting to know I still held a piece of your old heart and I planned on using it to show you just how many sleepless nights I've had since you've been gone.
"Ah, well in that case, let me give you more reasons why you should," I mention right before I capture your mouth and press you up against your cabin door. The train is picking up speed and so was my impatience. My cock was hard and painfully stiff as your hands reached inside and took a hold of it. I curse into your ear, inhaling your sweet scent as you stroke me, forcing me to surrender to you. Your thumb rubs over my tip and it was enough to get me on my knees before you, lifting up your dress high enough for me to slide your panties down with my teeth. I could smell your arousal the closer I kiss my way up your inner thighs and I knew then nothing would ever compare to the taste of a woman who was still in love with you.
While my tongue dipped and suckled at your sensitive clit, I held onto your shaking thighs and pulled them closer around me. I need to feel all of you. I'd been running naked and cold in these streets since you left and I had no idea why I thought your warmth had never been good enough for me to stick around.
I enjoy every second I spend hearing you moan, feeling your body contort and writhe against me as I continue to flick my tongue over your nub. And much like my soul, my hands were greedy enough to reach for your full breasts, kneading and twisting at your nipples while my lips and tongue forced an orgasm out of your stubborn body.
I wasn't done. And you had no problem allowing me fill you with more pleasure. The erratic vibrations coming from the train had come just in time. I press you up against the window of the cabin, and wrap your legs around my waist. Your slick folds were subtly sliding against my hard member and I had to take a breath before I entered you. My hands were at your face, my eyes holding your gaze steady as our foreheads touch and I brush my lips over yours before I spit out the words you've been dying to hear all along.
"I'm sorry I never loved you the way you needed me to," I whisper against your lips and I could feel your chest expanding and your heart skip a beat when you take a breath as I slip my cock inside of you. Your head tilts back, my lips instinctively aim for your neck as I fill you completely, then pull myself out, only to thrust back in harder. A string of curses leave your sinful and swollen lips as I begin to plunge in and out of you. I smile against your neck and my fingers reach down to tug and twist your small nipples to a hardened state, enough for me to pull them into my mouth for a taste.
I suck and bite each one until your moans grow louder and my lips are the only thing that can keep you from screaming out. I buried myself in you so deep, you didn't need a tattoo to remind you you could never forget me. Your smile keeps me going as I fuck you so hard, both of our bodies had no choice but to collapse onto to the floor from exhaustion when we finally cum together.
That was when I noticed a tattoo I'd never seen on you before right above your bottom.
"A question mark?" I ask, while I trace the small font against the small of your back as we catch our breath in between tangled limbs.
"You're not the only one who was lost back then," you answer, as the ghost you used to be resurfaces and I swallow hard at the realization, while I watch you fix yourself up. Had I known I had no reason to feel I'd never be worthy of you, I would've never done everything possible to drive you away. Was this your mission all along? To make me feel worse than I already do? Touche, baby. Touche.
"It's invisible ink? Why?"
"As a reminder you existed without seeing the consequences of it," you answer as you finish putting on your panties and lean over to plant a kiss on my forehead. A fatal blow was coming my way. I always knew it was about to hit me where it hurt whenever you started off with a tender gesture. I'd be lying if I said I didn't deserve it. And I'd be a fool to think what we just did held enough meaning for you to forgive me. But I was willing to take as many bullets from you until you had none left in your arsenal to kill me with.
"You regret loving me that much?"
"You made that choice easy for me, remember?"