Fallen Deep

I spent a good six weeks in the hospital to manage my medicine better and start group therapy. It helped so much for me too, Mo came to visit a few times to give me books for exams and notes. Jerry and Tee stopped by once or twice, she was getting too big to move and even had to take a semester off to get ready for my nephew. Two days after the big fight Ma went back to the mountains, but she calls every other day just to keep tabs on my recovery. If you’re wondering what is going on with Bash and Gun, well that’s a good question I refused any visits from them and Tracy came by last week telling me that Bash took a turn for the worst. I tried to hide my saddest, but I bawled my eyes out when I closed the door of my room. She said doctors weren’t sure if he would make it through the month, I wanted to see him, but didn’t at the same time. Taking a minute to think things over my case manager said it would be a good idea to try and give him a piece of mind. So today is that day, my visit with Bash nervously walking from the Psych ward to the Intensive care floor. This will be the second time I’ve seen him look so horrible and my heart nearly broke just seeing him lying in the bed hooked up to the wires and cords.

“Wit,” his deep rough voice was so weak and slow, tears fell just by seeing him this state.

“Come sit,” he pats the bed shuffling my feet laying next to him.

“Bash, why didn’t you tell me sooner?” my hand laid on his chest as my head laid on his shoulder it the way we’ve laid several times before.

“I didn’t want you to worry, and I want to clear up everything about Gun,” I rushed to stop him, but he shushed me to listen.

“Yes, he’s my stepbrother, and he is Tom-Tom’s real father, but because of my father’s company image I took over for him. I didn’t know he was back in Maryland until that day I saw him leaving your apartment. Wit please believe me; I love you so much I would never do something so ignorant as that.” His voice became slower with each word I almost didn’t understand him. I laid there silently letting tears fall, this is his death bed confession I’m not sure I can live without him, I wasn’t ready to let him go.

“I love you Bash!” sniffling as I lift my head to kiss him, his eyes were open, but the machine had a flatline. I just laid there holding him trying to keep him warm, but as the minutes past his body grew colder so cold that made me shiver.

“Wit, Wit come on, he’s gone…” I heard and felt Mo pulling me from his body it only made me want to hold on longer. Two days after Mo took me back to my room in the Psych ward, I cried myself to sleep, I forgot to how to cope with it. Everyone I’m close is dying and I hate it so much.

Three weeks later:

I didn’t go to Bash’s layout or even to the grave, Tracy calls every day checking in and Ma does too now, I’m not as sick anymore, but still grieving. My doctor said it would take time to get to a space in life that I’d be able to think of him and not cry. It’s been a very painful road and it still is, but I’ve been doing good lately and even happy to hear Tee and Jerry welcomed Ashter Guard to the world two weeks sooner than time, but he's healthy and happy. If you’re wondering I’m out of the hospital and adjusting to life now that my dark days are less dark. Groups help me get through my fears and cope with my depression.

Today is my first day back to school, Amber told me that almost everyone knows about Bash and me because his father leaked our private video to the school website. Mo is walking with me, but it didn’t help that all eyes seemed to be on me, the one thing I hated the most was being the center of attention.

“Don’t talk to anyone, just walk,”

“Wit,” stopping dead in my tracks as Rac ran to me, relief swept over me.

“Everything will be ok, we’re here for you,” Rac smiled, I know he’s just trying to make me feel better. Smiling as we walk into our classroom, Tom and Mark were sitting off to the far end, they’re friends of Bash’s they knew about us before that damn video was released, I just nod as I sit down unloading my bag.

“Ok class settle down, today’s lesson is on Civil War, take out your scoreboards,” Mrs.Cer says as she turns to write on the broad.

Walking out of the classroom, waiting by the door for Rac and Mo,

“Hey Wit, how are you?” Tom says, but I just hung my head low,

“I’m ok,”

“We’re here if you need anything,” he pats my shoulder before walking away. I just needed to get through the next semester to graduate and move out of Maryland and get on with my life.

“Dude, drinks at JubJub’s let’s go,”

“Not me, you know I’m going home and study”

“No! Witchit you’re not going to let this destroy you.” Sadly, enough he was right, but I just didn’t feel right going out party was never something I liked doing. They drug me to the bar anyway, but I didn’t drink. Laughing when I saw Jerry walk in waving his DADDY IS GETTING MARRIED shirt, he proposed.

“No way man, seriously,”

“Yeah, man, she’s the one and not just because she had my son, but because I love the shit out of her, Dude drinks on me,” he cheered and laughed, I watched as everyone hugged and praised him.

My smile fell when my eyes landed on the person the just entered the bar, the reason I will never love again, his damaged and destroyed me.

“Witchit,” my name barely exited his mouth when my fist collided with his jaw, knocking him back into the door.

“You are a fucking dick, are you happy now, Huh, you proud of destroying someone’s life the way you did HUH! Bash was your son and you betrayed us, get the fuck out of my life.” I snapped yelling as Mo and Jerry held me back

“Here, when he calms down give this to him,” he said then left.

“Why did you stop me?” I jerked my arm from Mo, walking back to my table slamming down five-shot pacing back and forth for a good five minutes before anyone touched me or talked to me. I was so angry, but then I remember the envelope he handed Jerry, glaring at him. Jerry knew me so well that he just handed it to me.

Inside the packet was a letter and a disc, I jammed the disc in my pocket, but the letter I wanted to read that right now.

‘Wit,

If you’re reading this then one of two things happened, I’m either dead or a vegetable both are every horrible for you to handle, but I’m sorry to never tell you about this. I have some good news for you though, you’re going to hate me even more for this, but I made a choice behind your back yet again. This time you back out of it and you can’t say no to it either.

Congratulations you’re having a baby, well two babies.

I had everything set up for you and I hope you will understand and be forgiven enough to keep this package, Love always Bash’ with a kiss mark on the bottom of the page. Arching my eyebrow to Jerry and Mo who just stood there dumbfounded I knew they read the note with me.