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Every Woman Makes The Same, Boring, Six Mistakes In The Bedroom

And men - they realise it takes two to make sex pleasurable.

By Ellen "Jelly" McRaePublished 2 years ago 7 min read
Are you "that" woman in the bedroom? | Image created on Canva

I wrote an article called "Every Man Makes The Same, Boring, Six Mistakes In The Bedroom." 

And it felt quite satisfying when other people out there understood what I was saying. I mean, not as satisfying as sex itself, but we take the wins when we can get it.

Here's the article in case you missed it:

Every Guy Makes The Same, Boring, Six Mistakes In The Bedroom

And women, we're not putting up with the same old guy anymore.medium.com

Now it's time for women's sexual performance and approach to sex to come under scrutiny. 

You could say this article is to balance the arguments of my first article, something I always intended on doing. But more to the point, I never claimed women were perfect between the sheets. 

Far from it.

It's never a contest in the bedroom. Getting it right in the bedroom is about working together, understanding each other's weaknesses and improving as a team. 

It sounds dorky in that sense, unromantic, too. 

But unless you plan on only having sex with yourself, you can't ignore the opinion of the person you're having sex with.

To anyone who read my first article, I want to let everyone know I don't hate men.

Any woman who has something analytical to say about a man or men, in general, isn't a man-hater, by the way. It's quite a leap to assume that based on her sharing one opinion. It's not that black and white.

And to the women reading this, I don't hate you either.

No one is perfect. And we can all do better. This is my attempt to help everyone realise what they can do better where we want everyone to do their best; in the bedroom.

Speaking of which, let's get to it!

Now here's a disclaimer, I haven't slept with a lot of women. 

I won't elaborate on my experiences with my sex. But I didn't have the necessary research to start by offering feedback to women like me first. 

I had to do a bit of digging, and some social research, which my friends who have slept with women were happy to oblige me with.

From everyone who contributed their experiences, they hope it helps.

1. Women expect men to get things started

One of the biggest annoyances is the way women wait for their partner, usually the man, to do the hard work. 

They expect the partner to make the first move and show they are sexually interested before showing their desire. 

A woman's passive approach to sex means:

  • Their partner thinks they are lazy.
  • Their partner assumes they aren't interested in sex.
  • Their partner believes they don't have sexual desires at all.
  • Their partner believes they don't have strong, intense sexual desires for them - It feels like they aren't that interested in being with them.
  • Their partner assumes the power position in the bedroom - Because we gave them that power by never being the one to start sex.

And if it isn't waiting for the first move, women often sit on their hands when it comes to a sex stalemate. 

In relationships, if sex has become an issue between the two people, we expect the man to fix the situation. 

Women expect:

  • The man to increase the frequency of sex.
  • The man to decrease the frequency of sex.
  • The man to extend, explore or change foreplay.
  • The man to sacrifice time and effort to fix the situation.
  • The man to change his routine entirely to save the sex life - She can continue to wait for the man, but not do anything to address the real issues. Or control what she can control.
  • Blame the man for why their sex life isn't what it used to be - Or not take as much accountability as they should. This can sometimes swing both ways, but the passive routine can often go towards the woman.

Women don't believe in reciprocating until they get it first

Everyone wants oral sex. 

Only the people who have had horrible experiences with oral sex decline. Or those who genuinely feel zero pleasure from it. 

Either way, it's exceptional circumstances that mean someone will happily give and not take.

Women want men to go down on them, but they expect the man to go first. They shouldn't have to start the fellatio train. There is a reason for this, by the way. 

Women often believe:

  • Giving head is harder than going down on a woman - Between all the jaw work, and managing a sensitive gag reflex, it's tougher for women. Which it's not, by the way. Both have their challenges in different ways.
  • You have to earn getting head - And because it's so difficult, a man has to earn the privilege of receiving head. They have to do something very impressive before a woman even entertains the idea of face-to-penis contact.

This attitude causes a tug of war in the bedroom. It means:

  • Men believe women don't like giving head.
  • Women are inherently selfish about oral sex - It's all about the man giving and the woman taking before it ever switches around.
  • You can't explore oral sex positions ever - How can you bring up trying the sixty-nine position when you won't even give head once?
  • You can't give the man what he wants and needs - If you're not willing to give head, the sexual relationship is incomplete.
  • You aren't trusting enough to explore every facet of sex together.

Women won't even entertain changing it up

And in all this expectation for the man to make the first move, a woman often becomes stubborn in her expectations of sex. She wants what she wants, and if she's not getting it, she won't even try something different.

Good luck to the guy wanting to explore new positions, new kinks, dress-ups or new places to have sex. 

It also makes it virtually impossible to bring up the idea of introducing other sex participants, swinging or any other sexual desire they once had.

As much as we tout how open-minded we can be, we often want sex to be the safest experience in the world. 

I understand that, being a woman. 

Almost everyone I know has a story about where a man took it too far, pushed the limits of where they were comfortable and made them feel like a sex object.

It sucks because all men don't do this.

And it sucks for both of us, too. The safer we are, the more boring we are too. I don't blame anyone who becomes bored of conventional sex. Isn't it meant to be fun?

Women don't think about what turns him on enough

A common complaint from the men I spoke with about the women in their life was understanding and addressing their sexual desires. 

In fact, it seemed like sexual desire was this big taboo topic within the relationship. It's bad enough men want sex, let alone have some requests.

They felt the women they were with:

  • Never asked them what they wanted in bed - If the conversation about sexual desires came up, it was only at the start of a relationship, during the honeymoon phase. And never spoken about again. It was a concern for the men whose desires changed or strengthen over time.
  • Wouldn't know their sexual desires to save themselves - If their partner's sexual desires were a topic on Mastermind, the woman would fail. They would have no idea what their partner was into, even the slightest inclination.
  • Fear the conversation about sexual desires - When the conversation was eventually brought up, the woman didn't want to talk about it. They shut down the idea for reasons the men had no idea about.
  • Recoiled at the idea of them having a "strange" sexual desire - If the man expressed even the smallest interest in something other than conventional sex, he was quickly labelled a perverted weirdo.
  • Knew what the man's sexual desires were and didn't do anything with the information - They perhaps tried it once and never revisited it again.

Women think they are the end goal, so they stop trying

Thanks to Hollywood and romance storylines, men are always chasing women. Rarely do we see it the other way around.

And when they get them into bed, they've won the jackpot. Women are this trophy that men have to go through testing struggles to win.

When women believe they are a prize, they don't even try to make an effort with the man in the bedroom. Or even when trying to get them into the bedroom. 

With this attitude, women:

  • Think they don't have to ask men for sex - They don't initiate any form of physical contact because that would be allowing the man to get sex too easily.
  • Think they can get sex whenever they want - Assuming they can have any man when they want, as long as they are offering. It's a red light, green light system. As soon as the light is on, sex will follow.
  • Think getting to sleep with them is something men should be thankful for - Women wait for gratitude for letting the man sleep with them. If there isn't any thankfulness, we assume they're being ungrateful.
  • Use withholding sex as a form of punishment - And when the man is behaving in a disapproving way, we use sex as punishment. It reinforces the way sex is something men should earn.

These reactions only hurt the women, not the men, by the way. With this attitude, we become a trophy not worth pursuing. 

And if a man did this to us, we would probably think the same way.

Starfish silence

And to make this all worse, when a man finally completes the sex minefield, we lie there, motionless. 

We don't make any noises, any expressions of pleasure, and expect the man to make all the moves whilst physically connected to each other.

Sex with a pillow would be more interesting. And sometimes we wonder why they masturbate so much. 

If the sex was significantly more satisfying, they wouldn't need to constantly turn elsewhere.

Though it's not on women to make the bedroom all fireworks. But it's not the man's responsibility either. 

It takes two to make the horizontal tango electric.

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About the Creator

Ellen "Jelly" McRae

I’m here to use my wins and losses in #relationships as your cautionary tale | Writes 1LD; Cautionary tale #romance fiction | http://www.ellenjellymcrae.com/

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    Ellen "Jelly" McRaeWritten by Ellen "Jelly" McRae

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