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Don't Label Me: Part 2

by Emma Bukovsky 4 years ago in lgbtq

A Clarification

I want to clear something up from my last piece about labels. I worry that my ideas were taken incorrectly, I do not want anyone to think I don’t support the LGBTQ+/Queer community. I do support them, full heartedly and with all that I am. I support you, I support them and I support us. Forever and always.

I don’t want a label placed on me; this does not mean that I don’t accept the label others put on themselves. I want labels to be what a person puts on themselves, not what others force onto them. While I was watching one of my favorite people on the internet, Stef Sanjati, I realized that my point may have been taken improperly by some. So, let me clarify.

I do not want a label, I don’t want my gender identity or sexual orientation to be determined by others. Stef is a trans woman whom I look up to for her strength and perseverance as well as her kick ass makeup skills and she really is the person to watch. She explains that a person may be born with a penis or a vagina, but that doesn’t determine who they are. It doesn’t change who they are on the inside. A penis doesn’t always mean boy and a vagina doesn’t always mean girl. Let the person decide who they are, because they are the only one who can truly know and decide that.

I respect everyone and never want to misgender someone, or disrespect them by using improper pronouns and I will go to great lengths to understand a person and who they are, what they went through, or are going through, and what I can do to help. Although I am not trans, I know many people who are and call myself an advocate and a fighter for ANYONE and EVERYONE. I understand that gender dysphoria exists and that it is debilitating that knowing that when something is “wrong,” it gets easier when you have a name for it. Being able to say, “I am a trans woman or man” gives a that person clarity, it gives a name and a reason to why those feelings exist. I can never ever understand those feelings 100% because I have never felt them, but I want to be the person to show you that those feelings are real, that they can be worked on by becoming the you that you know you are.

I understand that a person who has no sexual impulses may feel weird and out of place, they may not know “what is wrong” with them, but once they know that they are asexual or whatever they feel, it makes them feel “normal.” I went through that. I have no sexual urges, but when I’m with my boyfriend, I do. I don’t know what to call it, so I call It “me.” I love hearing about people who finally get to be the person they really are, whether it be a friend coming out to their parents or to me, a person on any step in their transition, or an ally supporting the community. We need to support each other by listening and accepting, by asking, not telling. When asking about sexual orientation, don’t ask genders, don’t ask orientation, ask in what way and why? Don’t group a person’s feelings and insight into a box that they didn’t ask for.

Her, him, them, insert name here. Gay, straight, bisexual, asexual, pansexual. Male, female, gender fluid, gender nonconforming, and everything else. They are all wonderful, they are all beautiful and exciting and oh so perfect, but let a person find that out for themselves.


Emma Bukovsky

I am a student at The Culinary Institute of America, I write a lot about food, mental health, and LGBTQ+ and Gueer issues. I find myself to be out spoken and abrasive, but honest and insightful.

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