Sex Ed
Sex Ed

Does Penis Size Matter?

And if not, what does?

Does Penis Size Matter?

Does penis size make a difference? This is one of the most asked questions about sex. Cis-gendered men, in particular, tend to worry about this particular problem. Our society gives many examples of the idea of great size as the key to masculinity and sexual prowess. It’s in much of the marketing we see, stories that are told, and the butt of jokes. This subject causes a lot of anxiety for a lot of people. The question is… should it?

The debate over penis size usually focuses on vulval penetration and heterosexual sex. It’s usually cis-gendered, heterosexual men who have the greatest concerns over penis size though cis-gendered women tend to have their questions about it too. So let’s cover the facts!

Penis Size & Intercourse

The common fear when looking at penis size in intercourse is the concern that their partner won’t actually feel satisfied or filled by a penis that is too small. One of the things that are almost never talked about during these kinds of discussions is the size of the vulva. Just like penises, vulvas can range in their size and depth depending on biology, ethnicity, and an individual’s phenotype. What a person finds pleasing for their vulva will also depend on the size of the vulva. So everyone is going to have a unique preference for what they enjoy and find fulfilling.

Another major point to know is that vaginas are actually a bit stretchy. They have to be to endure the experience of pregnancy and childbirth. Thanks to that stretchiness, there is a comfortable range that each person will have for penis size. The vagina will stretch and conform to cover a penis during intercourse. As most penises fall within a standard range in size when totally erect, the average person usually feels satisfied with their partner’s penis. In fact, a study from UCLA found that 84% of women anonymously reported being satisfied with their partner’s size. The findings of this study do support that the majority of women don’t actually care about penis size!

Is There Such a Thing as Too Big?

Most cis-gendered men dream of having bigger penises but that if that dream were to come true, the only thing it would benefit would be their ego in most cases. As we’ve discussed, a larger penis doesn’t really matter to intercourse to most cis-gendered women. The other thing to know is that there can be some disadvantages to bigger equipment.

Our bodies produce fluid in specific quantities and this includes blood. The penis gets hard by having the spongy tissue fill with blood. How hard a penis becomes is dependent on the amount of blood flowing through the organ. One of the potential drawbacks of a larger penis is that it doesn’t automatically follow that more blood will be allocated to this organ. Only so much blood will be used for this purpose and that is usually determined by the biology and genetics of that person. This means that people with large penises can, on average, have softer erections.

Larger penises can also be a drawback because they can make sex painful for their partner. The vagina can only stretch so much and if a penis is too large for a particular person, it will hit the top of the cervix during penetration. This is actually quite painful, or at best extremely uncomfortable, for those it happens it. It can actually ruin that person’s experience of sex and penetration. The only way around this is for the penis to remain partially out and not fully penetrate the vagina. So a lover who has too large of a penis either has to choose to hurt their partner or not enjoy full penetration.

So if Penis Size Doesn’t Matter to Intercourse, What Does?

As the old saying goes, “it’s not the size, it’s how you use it!”

Everyone will have their own preferences for what makes great sex for them. This is why one of the key ingredients to a good sex life is good and ongoing communication. But a lot of these preferences actually come down to technique. What are your moves and how good are they?

Sex skills actually make a significantly higher difference than penis size EVER will. This is true no matter what gender or sex organs a person has. Anyone who wishes to increase their or their partner’s pleasure during sex should be learning about how to improve their technique in bed. Improving the overall experience of sex from foreplay to penetration can be achieved through a number of different ways. So keep communication with your partner open and learn together!

Much Ado About Penis Size!

Society places a lot of pressure on people, particularly cis-gendered men about the size of their equipment. It doesn’t need to be the anxiety-provoking topic that it is. We can help our partners and ourselves find more satisfaction in intimacy by getting over the obsession with penis size! If we can get the focus off something that can’t be changed and doesn’t really matter to areas that actually make a difference to overall satisfaction then we can enjoy the benefits.

sexual wellness
Teela Hudak
Teela Hudak
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Teela Hudak

Teela is a Vancouver-based Sex Educator & Relationship Expert. Learn more at:

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