Do women really like the “bad boys” better?

Back in the late 1990s, there was a TV ad for some diet yoghurt that played with the good guys versus bad guys trope.

It went something like this: “some men are like condensed milk: irresistible, but unhealthy. Then there are those our mother approves of, who are like fruit salad: safe, but a little bland”.

The yoghurt, fruit salad + condensed milk flavoured, promised the best of both worlds while helping you keep a svelte figure.

I bought it, out of simple curiosity, and it came out a tasteless goo that didn’t resemble fruit salad, let alone sweet condensed milk- proof that having it all is not an easy feat.

But could there be any truth to the fruit salad versus condensed milk allegory?

I’ve always heard “good” guys complain that women don’t like them.

They say nice guys finish last; that the good, honourable man who doesn’t play games, is respectful, faithful, affectionate, stable, expresses his feelings, buys flowers and takes women seriously, has no luck with the ladies, often staying stuck in the dreaded friend zone.

According to such unlucky fellows, women want the Chads, the evil alphas, the brutes, the rascals who get women’s blood rushing, who make girls jump through hoops and play the part of swooning, gushing fools. Or as old people say back home about these tricky love matters, “the more you abuse me, the more I love you”.

What’s the matter with women, then? Is there any truth to this myth? Well, the equation is not as complicated as it seems.

Let’s start (for the sake of objective analysis) by setting aside women who actually, irrefutably like bad boys.

Say, those who write love letters to convicted serial killers, or that willingly date one gangster after another even though they know all too well how the romance will end. Obviously, those are case studies with a lot of issues (and not a lot of sense) and cannot be taken into account with the general female population.

But when it comes to the vast majority of women from all walks of life, our psychology is no rocket science.

Newsflash: women actually love good guys. Nice guys.

They want a man of his word. Someone honourable, true, faithful, sincere, kind, who acts with integrity. A man who pampers them and makes them feel safe and special; a man who is out of reach for all other women and who would never flirt or message other girls behind their backs (come on, that’s the bare minimum!). Women LOVE a man they can dream of a future with.

Trust me, gentlemen: quality women don’t want the scares, the unnecessary shocks, the undignified drama, the hot and cold rollercoaster, the grey areas of (lack there)of commitment.

However, women also want *that* good guy wrapped in a masculine attitude. They are women; no matter how independent, they are essentially feminine. And as women, they want a man who acts and feels like a man. A man with some Alpha traits. And what is that?

Well, just look at every best selling romance novel. How does the hero (or anti hero) act like?

He is decisive. He is manly. He doesn’t walk on eggshells for anyone. He won’t let himself be “friendzoned” if he doesn’ t want a friend in the first place. He lets the woman in question know what he wants before another guy does. And if by any chance she rejects him, he handles it with his big manly shoulders because it’s not like it’s the end of the world and women are extinct, thank goodness. Hearing a few “nos” and losing a few battles is part of life for any successful person of any gender, be it in warfare, business, politics, sports or love.

Also (and women LOVE that) he won’t let a woman play him for a fool and make a doormat out of him just because he likes her, or run the show without having any say in it (because good relationships are all about balance and no woman wants a handbag man even if she says otherwise). He doesn’t suffer fools, tantrums, bulls*t or disrespect.

Women like a strong man who can stand up for himself, even if this means telling her “quite enough, love” when she is all over the place. Unconsciously, women know that if a man lets them walk all over him, he is too much of a coward to defend her and their future children if needed be.

Well, the good news is that a man can do all of the above while being a “good, reliable, nice” guy. A man can be a total badass and still be Prince Charming. Or a very sexy mixture of Prince Charming and Black Knight, if you will- that’s probably closer to the ideal women dream of. Someone who is a fortress, and takes no nonsense, and sweeps them off their feet, but is also a good person and a caring partner. Women ain’t crazy. Women want balance.

But then, you might ask, where does the myth of “girls like bad guys” come from?

The problem is that the real bad guys mimic Alpha or leader traits really well. Most are big cowards who are capable of beating women or abusing anyone smaller than themselves, but they have all the bravado. And bravado can seem like strength at first sight, especially at the beginning of a relationship. A little bit of charisma and eventual good looks do the rest, and evil fellows are often master manipulators. When the woman realises she got involved with a bad apple, and not a Black Knight, is usually too late and she thinks she’s “in love” and that “bad guys are so seductive” but truth is they are just a poor facade. A cheap imitation of manliness.

Being the good guy who takes women’s breath away is not difficult after all. It can be actually easier than coming up with a diet yoghurt that tastes like condensed milk with fruit. It just takes a bit of patience and guts to come up with the right -and balanced- formula.