Depression, Porn and Maturbation

Before we begin, I’d like to say a few things. This article is not one of those articles that tries destigmatize porn and masturbation by espousing their good effects. In fact, this article acknowledges that porn and masturbation can become addictions that prevent you from living a normal healthy life. That said, there isn’t a more acceptable time for turning to porn than when you’re so deep in depression that all you can think of is killing yourself.

In my case, I was a very hardworking student who was considered intelligent by everyone who knew me. When you make so many sacrifices as I had to build a future for yourself and end up in such a hole as depression, from which you can see no means of escape, you feel quite cheated, especially when you have to watch other people who have not put in as much effort as you have making progress and living happy lives.

Porn and masturbation looked like the best temporary release I could get from my constant pain. I had other options though. There was drinking: I did not like the idea of not fully being in control of what I did or said while drunk. I was doing a pretty good job of hiding my depression from everyone and wanted it to stay that way. I could also resort to drugs like marijuana and heroin but addictions to these substance were going to be harder to recover from. Besides porn was more easily accessible. A life of promiscuity also required consent and a level of time investment that I felt too busy to commit to, quit logical huh?

Well porn and masturbation worked. Of course I had to be miserable for the rest of my day but that could not be helped. I could not afford therapy and googling the words “free therapy” never occurred to me. Sounds crazy, but it didn’t. I’ll take up the issue of finding free therapy in another article. The pleasure porn and masturbation provides is temporary though and does not rid you of your pain. However, for that period at the peak of your depression where you simply have to bear the suffering, I’ll say it reduces your misery by some amount, just not by enough an amount.

Depression Recovery, Porn & Masturbation

The most important characteristic that counts when trying to recover from depression is your ability to bear the pain. All the other things you are doing to recover may work in the future but they will work slowly — too slowly.

The ability to endure pain is a warrior’s true weapon. Master that, and nothing holds power over you.

— Mikael Mikaelson (The Originals)

At some point though, you will start recovering from your depression. It is at this point that you will realize that your porn and masturbation habit has become an addiction from which you are also going to have to recover — at least to some extent. Here are three suggestions that are going to prove very useful:

1. Restrict yourself to masturbating a particular number of times a day:

The aim of this practice is to get to get to the point where you’re masturbating only once or twice a day. Normal couples don’t have sex as many times but it’s a laudable first step. If you believe porn and masturbation are good things, you will never be able to convince anyone of that as long as your desire to interact with them is controlling you. If you believe porn and masturbation are bad and you need to get over them, this is still your first step on your long road. As long as you masturbate whenever you get the desire, you are not in control; say what you want, you are not in control. Lemme put this in clearer words: you’re addicted.

2. Watch only one video per session:

This is an irregular suggestion. I can not fully explain what it does to you but it will work. If nothing at all it will save you a lot of time. Most porn addicts cycle through a good number of videos whenever they masturbate. Confine yourself to one per session and you will be making a huge step in your recovery. Besides, in this era of remote work, personal discipline has never been more important. Even if you’re self-employed, you’re still going to show some discipline to succeed.

3. Make an effort to do at least one other thing you enjoy everyday

You can’t live the rest of your life as a sexual being. Make it a point to have one other hobby that you do everyday. It can be something you used to love doing before you got depressed. It can be something completely new. Depression changes you fundamentally; you will therefore not enjoy all the hobbies you used to enjoy before your depression. It’s therefore important to put some order to the process. Pick one new or old hobby and practice it for some time everyday. If it’s something you used to enjoy, you may rediscover your love for it or you may find something you didn’t even know you would like. Your reactions to things are going to change at different stages of your recovery so it’s okay to try some hobbies multiple times. I just realized I need to be clear here. By hobbies, I mean things like football, reading, gaming, biking, gardening etc. The more active the hobby, the better. The more unrelated to sex, the better.

Conclusion

The most important thing to remember is that the recovery process is going to involve a lot of trying and failing. The most important and easiest thing you need to do is to make sure you never lose the desire to recover. Take the time you need and return to full health. You will have the determination you need to take life on once more.

Have a nice day!