Better off without YOU!

Every morning for the past 3 months I wake up crying. Don’t know why but I just do. See you’re a light sleeper so I know you hear me. It makes me more sad because I know you hear me and you decide to ignore my cries for help. You know I’m not happy but you continue to do whatever you please and pretend you don’t realize I’m sad.

It takes you all day to just do one thing. You breaks promises to me everyday and don’t realize it. Saddly you probably do realize and just don’t care and trying to see how long you can get away with it.

I’m a woman, hear me scream, hear me roar hear me holler. You will not control me you will not make me settle you will not ruin my life and the positivity in my eyes. You will not dim my light MAN. The only time I’ll allow you to dim my lights is a night when you intimately insert me. However I lost how that feels because you don’t put effort forth to me. You can put all your effort into arguing and debating with other females but you won’t put effort where effort is due. I’m where it’s due and I need more.

What am I afraid of. I’m an afraid to look into your eyes and your bright skin shines so bright that others can’t help but stare and that smile of straight teeth can’t mesmerize anyone. I can not be in this position for so long because it’s not fair to my physical health.

Watching movies and shows with love scenes are so weird because we can’t and don’t have that. I feel like we are room mates. We do everything roommates do. We don’t have sex we don’t kiss like that so what exactly do we do together. I hate it because there is so many things I want to do. I want to feel it from all angles I want to ride I want to make out I want to do it all kind of things that I was able to do with my ex now I have limitations. I can’t even get to first base with you. Sex in general is very awkward with you and you do not help the situation with how you respond to things. You make it very uncomfortable and it saddens me when you don’t get hard or show some arousal.

You tell me all these stories of how you were sexually attracted to all these females fuck them and drop em or move on. You fucked your mothers friends and did a lot all this fucking but I don’t see it . Your rap music is constantly about taking someone girl fucking them and whatnot. So I sit hear saying where is this man for me. Why are you with me if you can’t even satisfy me. In all honestly you are not satisfying me by just laying around cooking and leaving me dishes to wash and Anna whol apt to clean. You’re not satisfying me complaining all day and trying to get everything to be how you like. You don’t satisfy me when we have a conversation and you become so insensitive. it’s like what’s the point in talking to him. It makes me mad that you don’t even see me sad. You say certain things and think I’m supposed to just accept it but I’m a female. We analyze everything. And I analyzed alot of the things you said and it hurts because if everything you say is true to you then there is no love here and I’m for certain I am being used and abused (mentally). You have to make this make since to me, and I know you can you manipulator. If you can’t be attracted to me 100% & make me feel the way I want to feel I don’t want this anymore.

I have never felt so unattractive with a man. There are way too many attempts of trying to make something happen and you turn them all down. I throw signs at you that would be obvious to a blind and deaf man. But no you make it all about you and say FUCK YOU to me feelings. I can write all day about how you make me feel but then where would that get me. Just a front row seat to listen to you rap about how you can take another man’s woman. At this point I feel angry I wake up at 4 am and look over and I see you laying there so peacefully. I want to jump on you and slap you and tell you you are fucking up a good relationship. I don’t want to be ignored. I just get so angers because we are ina position where we can do whatever we want and what I want and what you want are not the same. I am sick of the one ass tierd excuses. Most back none stubborn women would not have even let it get this far. I let it get to a year and still cry in quiet while you place like you have no idea about anything.

I swear they say you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. I went from having sex whenever I wanted and loving my partner and loving life to being with someone that don’t even want to make me feel loved. Gives me wack sex and won’t even try to make up for it. sometimes it really feels like I’m being used. These thoughts just won’t leave my head and I keep trying to push them to the side and get out my head but I can’t. It like they keep hitting me so I can see then. I know this will not work because his attention is not here it needs to be and I’m not saying 100% on me but I’m not a priority to him. This is my life and I need to take control now before I don’t have anytime to left to enjoy what I have. I know there is someone out there that will compliment me and my needs way better than what I am getting because with you my glass is not even half full.