Filthy logo

Backdoor Action

The good times, the bad times...and the never trying again times.

By Mae McCreeryPublished 4 years ago 4 min read
1
Backdoor Action
Photo by Simon Hajducki on Unsplash

Every woman on the planet from the beginning of time has been asked if she would consider anal.

It’s always kind of funny how men ask for anal from a woman. I’ve had six men ask me in my life about it and they all asked it the same way.

“Would you ever consider anal sex?”

They never ask if I’ve ever done it first, the first question is if I’d consider it.

You’d think the order of those questions would be reversed. That makes more sense in my mind at least. The last conversation I had about it was like an Abbot and Costello act.

“Hey honey, would you ever consider anal?”

“I like it.”

“But would you consider it?”

“I’ve done it and I enjoyed it.”

“So... you would consider it?”

“I’d like to do it again.”

“Would you consider doing it with me?”

It seems easier to for men to propose marriage than anal sex.

I’m personally not gonna get offended if a guy that I’ve been seriously dating asks to try it with me. It’s such a weird line of questioning.

And most of the time when you do try it, the guys always go crazy with the amount of lube they use.

One of my Ex’s bought a pretty small bottle one time and I’ll be damned if that fucker didn’t use ALL of it just stroking himself. He did not take care of things on my end. At all. He got too excited and finished before he got close to me.

One guy didn’t use lube at all, and I have never bitch slapped someone so hard in my life. I do honestly think his ancestors got dizzy, it was a damn good slap. Fucker stumbled back and to the left and had to grab a nightstand to balance himself.

Is it too much to ask to be properly prepared before you dive in head first? Pun intended.

Here’s the best part. The bottle of lube was less than two feet away from him.

“Well, baby you said you liked it rough.”

“Not THAT rough. You can pull my hair but don’t just go in dry.”

Seriously, don’t do that. You are not gonna have a good time.

When the ‘receiver’ (for lack of a better word) is relaxed and properly prepared it can be the most amazing feeling in the world. I always like the warming lubricant because it can get a little tingly and I like it hard, so the last time I did it with my boyfriend it was incredible. Just that deep feeling of pleasure in ways that haven’t been remotely touched before is completely euphoric. One time, I got so into it that I didn’t even realize I was practically panting like a dog and got so loud the neighbors started banging on the door telling us to knock it off. Oops.

There was one time my Ex “slipped” into the wrong hole. And for all the ladies that have experienced that, the dude KNOWS what he did. He’s just gonna play it off with this line:

“I just thought you got tighter.”

No. Just no. That’s not how that works, you ignorant asshole. You know who you are.

I will admit, sometimes it can be an accident. I know for a fact the first time it happened with my Ex it was an accident, but he got mad when I was in so much pain we had to stop. Don’t get mad guys. That’s a dumb move and you will lose MAJOR points for your partner for getting pissy when they’re in pain. It’s a shock to the system when that happens, it is not fun.

Anal can be so much fun, so much fucking fun, oh my god it can feel so good. You just have to prepare for it, which may not be the sexiest thing in the world but the payoff is totally worth it.

Guys, It’s not everyone’s thing, so DO NOT guilt or try to convince a woman to do it if she’s not totally interested in it in the first place. One guy that I dated in high school tried to guilt me into anal because we were haven’t problems actually having sex. I relented and gave into the guilt and that was the WORST DECISION IN MY LIFE. That stupid motherfucker told me he knew what he was doing and it hurt so fucking bad. It wasn’t until after that act that he admitted that he hadn’t done it before. He had the audacity to brag to his friends at a party a few weeks later than he nailed my ass.

Of course I had the last laugh because when we broke up I told a girl that I found out he cheated on me with and told her that he had a tiny dick and he had a foot fetish. It’s the little things in life that make me laugh. And those things weren’t lies. I don’t need to make up anything in my life, I get stuck in some weird ass situations.

Bottom line, if you wanna try anal, GET LUBE. And consent, none of this “accidental slipping” business. You boys know what your doing, don’t lie.

advice
1

About the Creator

Mae McCreery

I’m a 29 year old female that is going through a quarter life crisis. When my dream of Journalism was killed, I thought I was over writing forever. Turns out, I still have a lot to say.

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.