Are You an Exhibitionist?

He pushed me against the window and I knew people were watching, but I didn’t care. In fact, I wanted them to see. I, like millions of people worldwide, am an exhibitionist. We get stimulated by the fact that someone is watching us do something that is arousing them. Whether it’s getting undressed in front of an open window or videotaping yourself and a partner during sex, exhibitionism serves as an outlet for many people to embrace kinks that they never would have tried before. Like every fetish, exhibitionism varies on a scale. Some people enjoy sending naked photos to another, knowing that the person on the receiving end desires them. More extreme cases of exhibitionism can include having sex in a public place, or letting people watch them during sex. Although there is a dirty stigma surrounding exhibitionism, in retrospect, many people might have exhibitionist tendencies and not even know it.

• Have you ever messed around in the back of a taxi or a movie theater?
• Did you do your girlfriend while your parents were in the next room?
• The thrill of being caught is sexually arousing, and for many people, just plain fun.

An exhibitionist starts with a strong self-confidence. When you are comfortable with your body, you will enjoy showing it off more. More likely than not, you have sent a naked picture of yourself to someone you have been intimate with yourself. By sending that photo, you are exhibiting confidence in not only your body but your thought process as well. You send that photo because you know that person wants you, and they want to see you naked. You might receive a photo back from that person, but what you really enjoy is the way sending that photo made you feel. When former U.S representative Anthony Weiner was exposed in a sex scandal surrounding the fact that he had sent unsolicited pictures of his penis to multiple women, he was exhibiting a form of exhibitionism. Although in hindsight, he should have excluded his face in some pictures, Weiner was getting off by the power he felt that people were watching him. For him, exhibitionism was not just about the thrill of getting caught, it was about being seen, admired, loved, and even appreciated.

Despite what the media might have you believe, not all exhibitionists are celebrities and flashers in Central Park. In the United States alone, about half of all exhibitionists are married. This leads to the fact that “adrenaline makes the heart grow fonder.” For those couples whose hearts are already deep in the throes of infatuation, exhibitionist behavior may simply be a byproduct of that all-consuming, can’t-keep-your-hands-off-each-other feeling, in which love is not only blind to the opinions of others, but also to their gaze. But it’s one thing not to be able to keep your hands off each other in public; it’s quite another when you can’t keep your genitals off each other. In that case, go get a room. Odds are you can find one with a view. Adrenaline makes the heart grow fonder and pump faster.

For those couples that have lost that spark, introducing exhibitionism into their daily sex lives may rekindle the flame. The spark that emits from the thrill of being watched, or from the danger of being caught, can turn a couple into horny teenagers who will do it in any public place they can. One way to accomplish this goal is to with swingers. These individuals wish to display themselves sexually to other people in groups. This can be done consensually as part of swinging or group sex. When done non-threateningly, the intent is usually to surprise and/or sexually arouse the viewer, giving the exhibitionist an ego rush. Being a swinger myself, I can tell you firsthand, that when there is a group of people watching me and my husband have sex, the atmosphere is electrifying. Everyone in that room is there with the same purpose in mind: pleasure. Whether it is their kink to watch instead of being watched, or to exchange their partner for another, swingers embody the freedom that exhibitionism can have. Keep in mind, swinging is not for everyone and the mentality you have to have in order to become one is a different advice column all in its own. So, while swinging can be exhibitionism, exhibitionism is not always swinging.

Start by giving your significant other a seductive strip tease. By encouraging them to watch you get undressed, you will start to build your self-confidence. Have them tell you how much they want you, how great you look naked, how much you turn them on. Once you are completely undressed, don’t let them touch you just yet. Enjoy the way that he or she is looking at you. Bask in their lust for you as they continue to pine for your touch. Knowing you have complete control of the situation, even though you are at your most vulnerable, is an addicting experience. Embrace it!

Although up until this point I have only talked about being an exhibitionist when you know someone is watching, there are some cases when you don’t know if someone is enjoying the view. For example, I was staying at The Standard Hotel in NYC recently, and with their floor to ceiling windows, my hotel room turned into an exhibitionist paradise. We started off in the bathroom. With only a glass wall separating the bathtub from the bed, we took full advantage of the game, “See but not touch.” My husband sat on the edge of the bed, watching as I got undressed and stepped into the bath. It wasn’t hard to miss the arousal in his eyes as I soaped up my body and pressed myself against the glass.

Before I made him suffer too much, I had him lay on the bed as I slowly unwrapped the towel in front of not only him, but the open window. When the towel was finally around my ankles, I paused for a few seconds to press my body against the window, letting all of NYC be able to see me, if only they knew where to look. Being on the 8th floor, I had the suspicion that I wasn’t going to attract any passersby, unless they had binoculars and were searching the windows for me. There was a thrill that someone, somewhere, was watching me. And to me, that’s all that mattered.