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Anal Sex for Beginners

Anal sex for beginners requires communication and letting her be in control, even from the bottom.

By Lizzie BoudoirPublished 8 years ago 9 min read
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Anal sex. Just mentioning the act puts a look of fear on the faces of some, and a faraway look of pleasure of the faces of others. Though anal sex is really nothing more than a normal alternative to intercourse, like oral sex or masturbation, many people are reluctant to even discuss it, much less attempt it.

It's understandable. Anal sex, especially anal sex for beginners, has the bad reputation of being an unbearably painful activity, best left to gay men, horny inmates, and depraved porn stars. It is not something that normal, decent, heterosexual couples do. Or is it?

I'm here to tell you that, YES, anal sex is something that normal, decent, couples do, and that, NO, anal sex doesn’t need be a painful, desperate, depraved form of sexual activity. The trick to having successful, mutually satisfying anal sex has primarily to do with time. Time to educate yourself. Time to listen to your partner. Time to take it slow and do it right.

Of course, if you are dead-set against the idea of anal sex, nothing said here is going to change your mind. Facts are facts, if either you or your partner are unwilling, it won't work anyway, so don't bother. If the woman is tense and nervous, or if the man is tense and nervous, your chances of doing it right are all but nil. Wait until you are both sure you're ready, or just don't do it at all.

For the rest of you, whether you have had anal sex before, are considering trying it, or are just curious, here a few tips to make your anal sex for beginners more pleasurable than you might ever have thought possible.

Squeaky Clean

Photo via She Knows

Are you ready? Then let's begin. First of all, I insist that you both be clean. Do I even have to explain why?

Other than the obvious health reasons, cleanliness is important for your peace of mind. I am not comfortable if I feel unwashed, and neither am I comfortable if I feel that my partner is a bit too ripe. If I am not comfortable for whatever reason, there is no way my man is going to get access via my rear entry. He'd be lucky to get access at ANY entry. Prevent this kind of hassle by simply being clean. It will take a great deal of worry off both your minds. Trust me. Obviously, us ladies must go to a little extra trouble when it comes to anal sex, but we should be used to such extra attentions by now when it comes to our sex lives.

Condoms for Comfort

Photo via Cosmopolitan

I'm sure you all get the idea. The next thing I'd like to bring up is condoms. Whether you have been with your partner for 10 years or 10 minutes, condoms are not to be overlooked. If you have ANY doubts about your partner's health or history, it's just plain stupid to have sex with that person anyway. But I'm not here to preach—we should all know the deal by now when it comes to sex and condoms. I have other reasons for recommending condoms.

First, even while having anal sex with a known and trusted partner, use condoms because it is the most sanitary choice and because they make cleaning up afterwards easier. Most guys don't notice a whole hell of a lot of difference in feeling when they use a condom for anal sex, and let's face it, the anal passage is so much tighter than the vaginal opening that even if they noticed the difference, most guys wouldn't care anyway.

The second reason I recommend condoms for anal sex for beginners has to do with personal comfort. For you ladies who are rather new to anal sex, or who have found it painful in the past, let me tell you this: putting a condom on your lover's penis has the benefit of making his penis a little more smooth and narrow.

Let me explain. I once dated a man whose dick was fairly fat and had very thick, defined ridges. Great for vaginal sex, but when he asked for anal sex, I almost choked. Still, the trooper that am, I agreed to give it a try. Sadly, it didn't go well at all, and he caused me a lot of pain. We used a ton of lubricant, but he just couldn't get inside me comfortably.

Since we used condoms for vaginal sex anyway, we finally decided to try having anal sex with one. I slipped the condom on him, and suddenly, his dick looked manageable. Those heavy ridges smoothed down, and his dick was rounder, narrower, and far more comfortable looking. With plenty of lubricant, it did the trick.

The moral of my story? If your man's dick looks too big to handle, a condom might solve your problem. And men, if you care about your ladies you won't object even one bit. It won't dull your pleasure in any significant way, and can mean the difference between her hating you for life or wanting to go for a second round.

Communication is Key

Photo via PPCorn

Now for a little anatomy lesson. The round anal opening, otherwise known as the sphincter, is a muscle. That muscle is naturally somewhat clenched. This muscle is what gives anal sex for beginners its reputation for being painful, since it can be very painful to try and force this muscle open. Unfortunately, this is exactly what happens a great deal of the time.

Getting the sphincter to loosen up takes time, so don't try to rush it. Simply put, if the sphincter is not loosened up, you will not have satisfactory anal sex. The potential for pain is incredibly great for BOTH of you, so it is definitely vital that you take that time. So how do you get a sphincter to loosen up? Well, ladies, I have a few projects for you first.

Remember our little discussion about cleanliness? Instead of a shower, try a hot bath beforehand. The hot water will relax you naturally. Clean yourself slowly and carefully. Try inserting one finger gently. Leave your finger in your anus for a moment, and let your muscles ripple around it. Move your finger gently, in and out and around. Take your time. Imagine your lover's penis in place of your finger. Masturbate with your other hand while you finger your anus.

Once out of the bath, get right in bed with your lover, and start doing what you normally do. Prepare ahead of time, and make sure you have these items handy: condoms; lots of your favorite non-petroleum-based lubricant; and a warm, wet washcloth for quick and convenient clean-ups.

Now here's where you guys come in. Guys, when participating in anal sex for beginners, it is important to make sure your woman is horny and open to vaginal sex. If she isn't ready to accept your dick inside her pussy, she is nowhere near ready to accept it inside her anus.

Give her oral sex, but pay some attention to her asshole while you're down there. Tongue her asshole until she is crying out. Suck her clit and gently work a well-lubricated finger into her anus. Let her get used to the feeling of your finger before you start to move it. When you do start moving your finger, do so gently. If at any time she asks you to stop, or tells you she's in pain, STOP. Let her relax for a little while before you start again.

Make sure she is comfortable. Have plenty of pillows handy to use for positioning. Make love to her vaginally and try slipping your finger inside her anus. Sexual arousal often makes normally painful or uncomfortable things incredibly stimulating—this is why you want to make sure she is really horny first. Once she has accepted your thrusting finger, ask her if she wants to try your dick. Let her call the shots here.

As soon as she's ready, decide which position you want to try. The two most common and easiest to do are: first, have her on her hands and knees or lying on her stomach over a mound of pillows with her knees reasonably spread, while you either stand or kneel behind her; or second, have her lay on her back (with or without a pillow for positioning) with her legs spread, while you stand or kneel between her legs. Try both if you are not sure which one feels better.

Proceed with Caution

Photo via Greatist

Slip your condom on, and get your lubricant ready. Smear plenty of the stuff on, in, and around her anus, working some in with your finger. Stimulate her anus with your finger for a minute or two, making sure that she is still ready and willing. Position your well lubricated, condom-covered dick head at her anal opening, and GENTLY begin working the head of your dick inside her. GO SLOW here, take your time, and ask her often how she feels. If it is causing her too much pain and she wants you to pull out, PULL OUT IMMEDIATELY. BUT GENTLY. If she tells you to stop moving, but not to pull out, do as she asks. Let her get used to feeling you inside her.

If she tells you to keep going, proceed, but proceed slowly. Unless she is literally screaming for you to slam her ass with your dick, always go slowly. She may think she is more ready than she actually is, so going slowly is your safest bet. You won't hurt her by moving too slowly, but you might if you move too quickly.

Once you have gotten your dick head past her sphincter, the hardest part is over. The shaft of your penis will glide easier, although it might not be a bad idea at this point to apply some more lubricant. When you start moving your dick inside her, take care that you do not pull back so far that your dick head slides out. This may be painful for her. If your girl is very open and relaxed, she may not mind having your dick head go in and out, but if she has experienced any pain at all so far, it's probably not a good idea.

Hold her ass and guide it, but pay attention to whether or not she seems to be in pain. Have her masturbate, or reach around and rub her clit and pussy yourself. If she is on her back, it will be easier for her to touch herself. Touch her lovingly and sensually—squeeze her nipples, kiss her neck, rub her shoulders or her back, stroke her legs. Try to make sure she has an orgasm before you do, or try to come together. If you come first, wait until your dick has shrunk quite a bit before you pull out—it will be easier and less painful.

If you do come first, be a gentleman and make sure your lady gets at least one good orgasm too.

It's the right thing to do.

sexual wellnessadviceerotic
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About the Creator

Lizzie Boudoir

Thrice married, in love once, overly romantic, and hypersexual.

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