5 Unfair Demands

First things first, I don't do these things for you. That's right. I'm talking about the demanding society and opposite sex who thinks they can expect everything. They think that I'm easily influenced by their fancy commercials and long lists of taboos. Well, I'm not.

Disclaimer: No offense to others who find these five things enticing. If that's what makes you happy than okay. But make sure someone it's for your pleasure as well.

1. Lingerie

Having multiple in variety of colors is not worth the five minutes of fame. The websites entice and explore sexuality and what they think is sexy. Realty check! Most couples have sex on a whim and don't prepare every time. Valentines day may be the only holiday requiring that corset. Most nights it's debating how tired you are for sex. If I'm expected to wear a lingerie set with fishnets, I might as well go work for a burlesque show. It took too long to put on for one's enjoyment.

Have you ever tried to get a corset on and off in five minutes? It's like a terrible magic show with no surprises. Its too tight, hard to breathe, and my boobs are up to my ears! If breasts are amazing than they don't need some ribbon and lace.

Lace is this sexy yet elegant way to spice up a lingerie set...but it itches after awhile. Lace undergarments are great for a short time but not for a long time. Having a couple sets of lacey undies is great for date night but not the work day. Trust me on this or you will be itching the lining all day long! Stick to the granny panties and change the set when needed.

2. Perfumes

All women and younger girls have multiple sprays and perfume bottles (Not just the Bath&Body Works kind). We spray ourselves to overkill the smell of body odor or that we haven't showed after a sweat session. Like walking up the stairs.

But we forget that perfumes are also in our hair products, deodorant face, cutie pie Ph balance wash, hairspray, etc. All of these and yet we still barely smell any of it after five minutes.. Expecting me to smell like a damn bunch of roses 24/7 is highly unfair and is pressure! Guys smell great until you aim south. If they don't jazz it up down south than neither should I. too much perfumes can affect the Ph hormone balance in the body and cause infections when the cutie pie is cleaned by wash. It cleans itself and even has a built in freshener. The natural aroma of a women.

3. Waxing

Fuck no. I am not spending money nor am I doing it myself. I'm pretty sure waxing is the equivalent to being stung by bees repeatable. I can't even tell you the worst part because it all purely sucks. Want to remove hair in unwanted places? Just shave or use Nair removal cream. They suck less and the pain is minimal to none.

Waxing our cutie pies have to be the most dreadful thing. I want to have one left! I understand the need to look presentable and draw attention but still. A man that wants to enter my kingdom cum will have to accept that there will always be some hair. Not the baby soft smooth skin but the reality of being human.

Now, I keep my cutie pie well maintenance. Majority of that reason is because I just don't want a jungle down there and feel cleaner. Not because I feel the need to accommodate my man. If he wants my kingdom cum than he also needs to understand the reality of my pubes.

4. Birth Control

Why is it that most men aren't prepared for sex?! They give all these cues to push boundaries and than act like it's such a surprise result. I shouldn't be expected to have all the necessary products to not have an unexpected pregnancy. It's highly unfair.

Not only do I have to carry the newborn for nine months but I also have to prevent it myself? It's crap. It takes two to tango and two to share the responsibility. As a women, I went through multiple birth control and forms. That's hundreds of different side effects that could have deadly results. I don't see men walking into their doctors offices asking for their options. All they have to do is show up. Men, wrap them dicks like a present because I'm not Santa. Next time, I won't have what's on your Christmas list. Condoms aren't part of my job.

5. Orgasms

If I wanted to be pumped for a night of teasing than I would watch Magic Mike with my vibrator. I could probably do a better job anyways. But that isn't the intimate session that I had in mind.

Men like to rave about their orgasms and make these obnoxious requests for sex. Where's my orgasm! Still sitting in the back of the closet along with those black leather boots that are never worn.

Most men act like its a maze to the cootie pie! Do you need a map to the treasure? Or a fucking rainbow to my pot of gold? I can't say how many times I felt disappointed when my partner just stopped after they finished and it was over. Give a little hustle and get a snack; its not over. I am entitled to finish. Women enjoy sex too and the trigger spot isn't hard to find. The clitoris is literally in front and begging to be touched.

My aerobatic routine isn't just for show. If I'm committing to this than give back. Sex is a give and take deal. Make sure I am satisfied as well as you. If my legs ain't quivering than you don't get the MVP award.