5 Reasons I'm the Best He's Ever Had
...And how you can be too!
When it comes to my sex life, I am a firm believer in quality over quantity. So when a recent older partner, who had been extremely promiscuous over the years, announced that I was "the best he ever had"; I should be flattered. However, this wasn't the first time I'd heard the remark. In fact, a majority of my partners had very genuinely offered similar statements. So what might you ask was setting my "skills" apart from the average partner? Some candid discussion with my sex partners and fellow humans lead me to 5 easy conclusions.
1. I really love sex! Yes, I said it. I'll get the most obvious and also the most difficult point out of the way, because I truly believe the following 4 points contribute to why I love sex. When I talk to other women, or other people about women, the number one disappointment is how many people "don't like sex", "don't really care about sex", or "think sex is a chore". If you're reading this, there's a good chance you already have an appreciation of debauchery, or at the very least you hope to enjoy it more. Sex is very much a mental game. If you enter the experience expecting to have a blissful and exciting time, it becomes much easier to let loose and accomplish your bliss. If, on the other hand you are anticipating (unwanted) pain, lack of confidence, sexual dysfunction, etc. you are unlikely to enjoy the experience, and more likely to fulfill the negativity you expect. In other words, you have to love sex to love sex. And once you love it, you will be that much better at it.
2. Nothing in bed (on the floor, in the shower, on a balcony or in a park) is "Icky". Sex has sounds. It has messes. Sex has fat rolls, back acne, occasional smells and interesting tastes. Every person is a "weirdo", and every weirdo has a "thing" they think they would be judged for. I recognize that not everyone has an aptitude for trying new things. But this may be the number one thing that makes me a great lover: I'm comfortable with your weirdness! I've watched a grown man cry in shame because he was afraid he couldn't achieve arousal without first hog-tying me with leather straps. I've watched menstrual blood drip off of a satisfied cock in the glowing candlelight. I've learned that ears...and yes, toes, are major erogenous zones (and that the toes can cause their own orgasm). I've heard many men express interest in having their assholes licked or fingered; but they were nervous to ask for fear of judgement. Sex is such a personal and vulnerable experience on its own. We have to laugh off the embarrassing sounds and mishaps, create a no-judgement zone in order to communicate desires, and take showers when necessary.
3. Appearances mean nothing; but hygiene does. Repeat after me: sex is not about your looks! So many people are self-conscious in bed because they imagine their partner judging their appearance in some way. Big, small, tall, short, freckle on your butt cheek, sweat on your uni-brow...it doesn't matter. Sex is about connecting and feeling good in the moment! If you're thinking about how you look, your mind can't focus on how great the sensations feel. And if you're not focused on the sensations, the sensations probably aren't going to feel great. When I'm finished, my hair looks like a wookie, my boobs are still small, my makeup is smeared completely across my face (and probably his), and my body is contorted into some kind of shape that resembles a person who's just been exorcised. I'm not saying some nice lingerie or a juicy booty doesn't catch some sexual attention; it does. But if you're really getting it on, he/she/they are probably much more focused on the impending orgasm than on that little wrinkle you've been worried about. I will say, one of my favorite things in bed is the moment my partner cums. Their face wrinkles and twitches, and morphs into something that looks like a kid pushing their face against a glass window. The crazier the O-face, the more accomplished I feel about pleasuring them. If it helps, you can imagine me: mutually orgasmic from the appearance of your squished up sweaty cum faces.
A quick note on hygiene however: be mindful of cleanliness! There are those spur of the moment times when you just can't refresh before mauling your partner. But when you can, do! I frequently get compliments on my smell and taste. But I secretly clean up, put on a little perfume, and a dot of sweet sexy lube if I know the night is going to get steamy. It works great and keeps me confident! Plus the better you taste and smell, the more likely you'll have future oral pleasure. Make it pleasurable ;)
4. I actually move (and I keep a couple easy tricks up my sleeve). Many men have described the dreaded "starfish". You know, the partner that just lies there motionless and allows you to do all the work. If you have a fetish involving stillness, more power to ya! But for the rest of us, both partners can exude physical efforts. For example, men (or for my non-hetero friends, the person on top) are usually the thrusters of the interaction. However, well-timed thrusts of the hips, or small wiggles can increase friction and add power to his/her/their thrusts. Plus, he'll know you're really enjoying yourself! You might be thinking, "how am I supposed to move when I'm pinned in a position that restricts my motion?". Yes, there are certain positions or variations that limit one partner more than the other, but there are still some things you can do. If you can't thrust, practice your kegels! Did you know you can squeeze or pulse his member with just your vaginal wall muscles (google it, but not at work!)? It's a fun surprise when he isn't expecting the added pressure, and it doesn't require any bodily movement. You can also use your hands to stroke or scratch your partners back, arms, neck or thighs. Lastly, if you're completely bound from movement, you can still use your voice and your big words to show your partner you're enjoying their efforts.
5. I keep my mind on the moment. I know, for some this is easier said than done. When it comes to sexy time, leave your stress, insecurities, and ego at the door. This is your time to be completely unbound- even if it's just for 5 minutes. Don't waste this incredible time to get out of your head and into your body. I think about how I feel. I think about how sexy my partner is to me in this moment, even if I have no intention of seeing them again when the night ends. And then...I don't think at all. Just move and enjoy.
You don't have to be a porn star, a model, a certain age, gender, level of attractiveness or anything else to be amazing in bed. You just have to love what you're doing, keep an open mind, get out of your head, and enjoy your body and your connection to another human. You don't have to take my advice, but then again...I am the best they've ever had.