10 Fingertips Recommend by Experts

When it comes to satisfying your partner's sexual urges, excitement and a willingness to try new things go a long way. But it's also a good idea to keep up with your fundamental talents, and if your partner has a vulva, one of those skills should be understanding how to finger them.

And It's just as vital to know what not to do as it is to know what to do. "Remember that fingering someone's vagina isn't supposed to look or feel like a jackhammering penis — unless your partner specifically requests it! — so the fast in-and-out rigid finger thrusting we often stereotypically associate with fingering likely won't be the way to go," says Anne Hodder-Shipp, a certified sex educator with the American College of Sexologists (ACS). "Keep in mind that your fingers are made up of joints and can bend and curl."

Hodder-Shipp and other professionals offer their top 10 recommendations for making your next fingering — or hand sex — session a sizzling success.

1. Maintain a Clean Environment

Although it may seem obvious, Hodder-Shipp recommends that anyone fingering their spouse make sure their hands are clean and their nails are cut and clean.

In fact, an interdisciplinary sex therapist, Jamila Dawson, LMFT, suggests exfoliating and moisturizing one's hands before playing with one's partner.

If you have longer nails or a particular manicure, Hodder-Shipp suggests putting a cotton ball at the tip of each finger on a nitrile glove, so that when you wear it, the cotton acts as a cushion between the manicure and your partner's skin.

2. Take a Look at This Anatomy Lesson

When it comes to any form of vaginal penetration, porn would have us believe that the deeper the penetration, the better, but this isn't necessarily the case. According to Hodder-Shipp, the majority of a vagina's nerves are found in the first one-third of the vaginal canal, so going super-deep isn't necessary unless you want that experience.

3. Make a beeline for the lubricant

"During hand sex, lube is an absolute must," says Gigi Engle, ACS, a certified sex educator, and author. "To avoid feeling like sandpaper pressed up against your nether regions, the fingers against a clitoris — or within a vagina — require a barrier and some extra lubricant. Before sliding forward, liberally lubricate your partner's fingers and clitoris."

Dawson recommends Pjur or a silicone-water-based hybrid like Fuck Water as a high-quality water-based lube.

4. Begin slowly.

"Keep in mind that when you're excited, the vaginal 'tents' and elongates," Hodder-Shipp explains. As a result, before inserting a finger — or anything else, for that matter — make sure your partner is exceptionally aroused and amenable to penetration.

"Cupping the vulva to let the heat of the hand-pass to the vulva may be incredibly sensual," Dawson recommends as you focus on getting your partner hot, irritated, and eager for more.

According to Hodder-Shipp, it's best to take things slowly when starting a new sexual activity. That way, you can get a sense of how it feels and how it works. Not to mention that rapid movement in the vaginal area might be painful at times, especially when you're first starting out, she says. All of this being stated, any type of penetration should be approached with caution.

5. Concentrate on the Clitoris

Engle recommends "absolutely focusing" on the clitoris as you begin to increase the intensity of the act, especially the outside area at the top of the clitoris. She points out that "this organ is the only one in the entire human body whose sole purpose is a pleasure." "The external glans alone possesses 8,000 nerve endings, which is twice as many as the glans of the penis."

"Hand sex, like oral sex, will most likely deliver an orgasm if your partner rubs in a continuous motion across the glans clitoris," she writes. When using your fingers, though, you'll want to be a little more delicate than when using your mouth. "It can get uncomfortable if you press down too hard," she warns.

Engle recommends that the giving partner make clockwise circles around the clitoris with their pointer and middle fingers. Then they can move their fingers up and down, side to side, or in a figure-eight pattern.

Listen to your body if you're the receiving partner, and don't be hesitant to ask for something else if it's not working, she advises.

6. Spend Time at the Vaginal Opening's Extreme Front

Although the clit is typically necessary for achieving orgasm, Engle recommends stimulating the very front of the vaginal opening, which is densely packed with nerves.

"The fourchette, or bottom of the opening," she continues, "is a fantastic area to tease and touch." "Try circling the vaginal opening with your fingers. Consider slipping a finger inside. Touch and tease the labia, and don't stop there. Perhaps some little pulling would be enjoyable. The internal legs of the clitoris are covered by your labia. Experiment with different things to determine what works best for your body."

7. Keep in mind that the receiving partner is the boss.

"If you're the one doing the fingering, your partner is the true boss," Hodder-Shipp explains. "Since only they know how it feels and what adjustments they may need to make it feel enjoyable, it's critical to be present and ready to take feedback, as well as pay attention to your partner's voice and body language."

Although some people make noises and communicate exactly what they want — or don't want — Hodder-Shipp points out that not everyone is comfortable making vocal noises while receiving pleasure. While silence isn't always a bad thing, it is an indication that you should check-in and offers questions like, "How does that feel?" "Do you like that?" or "Would you like some more lube?"

And Don't be afraid to change things around from time to time in order to find your rhythm. "While stroking the clitoris, switch between using your fingertips, whole length of your fingers, and even the palm of your hand," explains Kristine D'Angelo, a clinical sexologist and certified sex coach. "'More pressure or less pressure?' ask your companion. Some people prefer light pressure, while others prefer a lot."

8. Once you've found a rhythm that works for you, stick with it.

Though you may be seeking a go-to cadence that will leave your partner gasping for air, Hodder-Shipp points out that there is no one "perfect" rhythm to follow. "Every vagina reacts differently to finger and hand simulation," she continues.

Still, don't switch it up once you've found a rhythm that seems to be working - either because your spouse is groaning and saying "yes, exactly like that" or because their hips are lifting and moving in time with your fingers. "Maintain that rhythm until your partner indicates they're done or orgasm occurs," Hodder-Shipp advises.

9. Experiment With This "Twist"

D'Angelo suggests using this variation when it comes to piercing your spouse with more than one finger: She suggests making a V with your index and middle fingers. "Twist your fingers as if you're crossing them for luck, but maintain both of your fingers somewhat straight as they curl. To create a whirling effect, use your crossed fingers to penetrate the vagina and slowly twist your wrist."

10. Recognize when to apply the brakes

Take a pause or stop and do something you enjoy more, says Hodder-Shipp, if anything hurts, feels uncomfortable or unpleasant as the receiving partner, or if it feels like your spouse needs to shove their fingers inside.

Continue to communicate if you're the giving partner. As Engle points out, "Always remember to ask yourself, "Does this feel good?" if you're not sure if something is working. 'I want to make sure you like what I'm doing.'"