You will never be an author

“This is bollocks.” Tanya pauses, waiting for Adman to continue talking like he usually does. However, on this occasion he doesn’t, Adam remains reading his book and now she’s unsure if he was really talking to her.

“What’s wrong?” she asks reluctantly. She is two days behind her personal deadline for word count on her WIP and considering pulling an all-nighter in a vain hope of a breakthrough.

Adman sighs, closing and throwing down his book on the table, leaning back and looking at her fully. His black hair is scruffy from air drying after his shower and blue eyes glossy from lack of sleep. Her own eyes feel just as heavy with dark circles.

“This,” he gestures vaguely. “Us. Be real, its never going to happen.” Tanya freezes, scared of every possible direction this conversation is going. Heart beginning to race, she is now fully awake. She attempts a calm reply.

“Can you clarify what you’re actually talking about? Before I - ya know - start to think that you’re breaking up with me.”

“Oh no... No, no, no, I’m not going to do that. I might be sleep deprived but I’m not stupid. I was talking about our dreams.” Adam, leans forward to pick up his mug of tea. Blowing slightly, he takes a sip, indulging in the taste of caffeine.

Tanya doesn’t like where this conversation is going.

“Can’t give up on our dreams. You’re going to eventually get your product invested in and I’m going to be an author -”

“Are you? Are we? Look at us, really, take a look at us. I doubt it.” Tanya cannot believe what she is hearing from her boyfriend and cannot decide if he’s had a stroke or she’s having one. He is typically nonchalant, but about this? Struggling to comprehend and overall shocked of where this had all come from, Tanya sounds unconfident as she talks.

“I’m serious. Adam, what’s happened? C’mon you’ve had such a passion about this-”

“I just think it’s time we go serious. This isn’t us; we are not the stick with it a make it big people. We aren’t an in-progress up-and-coming success story Tan. It’s just like our parents say: We need to just get serious about our careers.”

Tanya begins to feel fizzy, head heavy. “Adam, what -”

“Tanya,” he suddenly leans in close. “You are never going to be a published author. Never.”

Tanya blinks and realised he’s dead serious. She blinks again and he’s grinning, like a madman who just won the lottery.

She blinks again and shudders awake.

Tensely breathing through her nose, she realises she’d fallen asleep at the kitchen table, the ‘h’ button repeating itself for pages on end on her laptop screen. Rubbing her eyes and blinking, she releases in the dim lightening that it is close to 3am. Adam is asleep in the chair opposite her, book dropped to the floor.

Getting up, she moves round the table. Poking him, she watches him stir. Poking him a few more times, he then awakes.

“Tan.. Hmm, did my alarm go off?”

“Adam. Am I going to be an author?”

“What?”

“Can I, do it? I’ll be a published author.”

He blinks, confused. “Of course, Tan. Hit those word counts… and,” he yawns, “I’m know you’ll get there in no time.”

“Adam, I love you, and I can’t wait for your product to take off.”

“I love you too and I also can’t wait for my product to take off.”

“Let’s go to bed.”

“Aren’t you writing?”

“I think we both need some proper sleep. Come cuddle?”

“I’m in no position to say no to this.”