While You Were Gone…

The world came into focus as she rolled onto her back and looked at the sky through dry blurry eyes. She slowly sat up and took note of her surroundings; it was complete desolation.

Where am I? Then an even more disturbing thought occurred to her. WHO am I? She couldn’t remember her own name. She couldn’t even remember what she looked like, and there was nothing around her reflective enough for her to see. She felt like her stomach and heart both dropped through her body onto the ground at her feet as her adrenaline pumped, and she needed to steady herself.

She looked around desperate for some clue as to where she was and what happened. Anything that could jar her memory of who she was and why she was there. She didn’t have any identification on her.

She wore a dirty t-shirt that looked like it could have been white once, jeans torn into shorts, and worn converse with dry dirt caked over them like she’d walked through mud at some point that dried into a crust. Her short hair was dirty and crusted with dirt too.

The only other things on her were a wedding band and a heart-shaped locket around her neck. She had hoped she could open the locket, maybe there would be a picture to remind her of who she is or of a family member, maybe her parents; anything that would help. But the locket had a small keyhole in it and would not open without a key. She searched her pockets to no avail. And if she had a wedding ring, where was her husband? Or wife? Did they get separated? Did they die? None of these questions had answers.

Suddenly she realized how dehydrated she was and her priority turned from figuring out who and where she was to finding water. She got up and started walking, her thirst driving her forward pushing all other thoughts out of her mind. Her body was sore, nothing seemed to be broken, but she was covered in bruises and abrasions, and her head had a throbbing lump on the side. What the hell happened?

She walked past dead, fallen trees along and across what was clearly a highway road; the asphalt dry and cracked, abandoned cars on the shoulder, some even still on the road. She tried to see if any would start with little hope and even less luck. She trekked along for what felt like hours, though in the dry day under a beating sun –and probably a mild concussion, it could have been as little as twenty minutes. She came upon an exit and followed it around to her right, hoping it would lead to a town or at least somewhere that had other people, maybe a home or old shop.

The first place she came upon was an old gas station. The sight pushing her forward faster. When she got there, she was disappointed to see that like the cars on the highway, it too was abandoned; the shelves inside picked clean. She walked around outside to the back where there were dirty restrooms and an old water fountain. While the state of it was revolting, it trickled the smallest stream of water out of the spout, just barely enough to dribble down the dirty, rusted metal. It would have to do. She was desperate and didn’t know when she would find another place that might have water. She closed her eyes, said a little prayer and brought her mouth to the fountain. It tasted like mold and metal and she wondered if she would die by some sort of parasite or bacterial infection before the sun could take her.

She decided to stay in the shade of the station during the day until the heat subsided enough to continue moving so she wouldn’t have such a great need for water. There was nothing left in the station to collect more water from the fountain, so once she left, she wouldn’t have more water until she found another source.

To her relief, it started raining outside to beat back the dry heat. The rain continued into the night. She decided she couldn’t wait longer to move on and went outside. She cupped her hands to fill them with as much rain water as she could and she drank. Finally she started to feel less parched and able to move on. She walked along the tree line of the dark road in the rain. The full moon granted at least a little light to see by. She just hoped there wouldn’t be any lightning. As she came up the road she could see a residential area not too far ahead. She finally started to feel hopeful as lightning cracked across the sky into the trees overhead. In the dark treetops, she didn’t see the large branch coming down towards her. The tree hit her with such force it knocked her to the ground.

Dizzily she slowly sat up, then got to her knees, then pushed herself back up. In a rush, her memory hit her with such a physical force, it knocked her down a second time. She remembered why she was here in the first place. My name is Eaven! I was searching for my Jack who left to find food and water for us. It felt so good to remember who she was and what she had been doing –Ella! Her daughter Ella… She left her in her sister Jessica’s care. I have to get back! How long have I been gone? Maybe Jack returned while I’ve been gone with food and water.

…But what if he didn’t? What if something happened to him and he never came back? If I go back empty handed, I may as well be resigning us to our graves.

Eaven started running. Running along residential roads, in and out of every house she could find. If it wasn’t already open and ransacked, she broke locks and windows. Anything to get inside to find what she needed for her family, with no regard to her own safety. Then she stopped herself. Breaking into a locked home may mean there’s someone there; someone with their own family; someone that may have weapons to defend their family, and not being cautious could get her killed when her family needed her. Then she remembered what happened to her that caused her to lose her memory. She’d been to that gas station where she drank the water from the fountain before. She was scavenging and found the last remaining food – some beef jerky, a small bag of chips that was half crushed, a bottle of water and a can of orange soda, in a messenger back inside a small locker in the employee break area that hadn’t yet been rummaged. On her way back, someone had run up behind her, hit her with a bat or a rock –she couldn’t see what it was, and when she woke up, the food was gone. She went back outside and realized she had been here before, and decided maybe it would be better to go back and get her daughter and sister and keep moving.

As Eaven reached the place where her daughter and sister were hiding, her heart leaped at the sight of Jack. He made it back!

“Momma! Uppy,” her daughter squealed and reached out for her. As Jack turned and saw the state of her, his face went from happy relief to dread.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” she asked.

“I’m so sorry, Eaven. If I had known…” His voice trailed off as a sob overcame him. “Your hair is shorter. What happened to your clothes? I…”

“The weather. Between the pouring rain followed by the dry heat. Before I left to look for you, we found some old scissors in a drawer that someone left behind. I thought it’d be too hot out there for long hair, and thick jeans would be awful during the rains. When I left, there was a hard rain that first day and I slipped down the hill on my way to the highway, ended up covered in mud.” The memory made her giggle thinking how silly she probably looked if this had been any other time in her life before the war. “I didn’t have a choice but to leave to try to find you. You had been gone for 3 days, we needed food and water, or at least something to collect the rainwater, and I didn’t know if something had happened to your or if you were somewhere needing help, I… I just thought I needed to find you, and at least find some food. I’m so sorry I didn’t find either. I had found something, but someone came up behind me, I didn’t see them. When I came to, it was all gone. I didn’t know how long I was out, I had memory loss for a while and realized I was looking places I had already looked and wasting more time. I came back hoping you got back, or thinking we’d just have to start moving on to another place, but you’re here. You’re here, and you’re okay.” Eaven’s feelings were all over the place as she rambled off what had happened. She was happy to see her daughter, husband and sister; she was relieved that he was safe; she was anxious because of the look on his face. “…Did you… find any food?”

“I did…” As she listened to his hesitation, she looked past him at the small table they all shared as the realization settled in. There sat a partially eaten beef jerky, a small bag of ships, a bottle of water and a can of orange soda.