Where is love?

In this world I never have had love. I' ve searched a lot, inside people who laughed by their heart, inside people whose laughter was sad. Inside men who used to say "I love you" without even meaning it and to those they didn't know what love really meant for me.

There is not only a man's love, probably I always wanted the love of my parents. How can parents treat their kids in such a cruel way? How can they sacrifice their kid' s childhood in order to make them study and succeed? "No mum, the pancake is not enough in the afternoons".

I always wanted a hug accompanied with the words " I love you". After So much care to grow me up, she appears in my dreams just to give me something precious; a necklace with a heart shaped stone that I used to wear when she wasn't home. "Now it's yours", she said. "No mum, I Just wanted a simple hug but I will fulfill your desire. I'll keep it in my heart. It's like you hug me with this when I wear it. Thanks mum".

I'll never forget that I used to ask for hugs in wrong arms. Looking for love is a painful story that makes you do mistakes and wrong choices. Unless of course you're lucky to receive people' s mercy meanwhile. Love can also be hidden in those wrong arms. But how can you handle love if you do not know its meaning? That's why all arms are wrong. They are a substitute for love. You can lose your consience when the fairytale is gone. Unfortunatelly fairytales do last only a few minutes.

I often see the future. Yes, I do have this ability as I get to know myself better. It is a charisma to see light in the dark. I cannot recognise today the man who huged me last evening, but somehow I can see his future. I can imagine him in the remainings of a destroyed factory. There are also other souls suffering. Noone can save their soul now, there is no turning back to forgive the sins they' ve done. Who can save them for this torture? I guess paradise is lost for some people.

And what is happening there on the edge of this place? Which sin does his corpse borrow? Well maybe I can guess; An "I love you" never told by his family. That's where madness is born. He turned himself from a victim to a bad judge of this world. The mind can not imagine what sin is on this man. How many bodies did he hug just to hear these words?

"Hey, do you need a hug to pacify your pain?", I asked him.

"Hugs cannot ease the pain inside. Now it's too late... Mistakes have already been done", he responded.

Future is yet to come. I wish I had the power to save souls that hadn't had love. Maybe somebody can save mine, too. In the future I see myself in that man's position. Staying in the dark just counting how many bodies I've touched. Only words "I love you" can relieve me or otherwise there is no hope to be forgiven.

If I'm given another chance in this life, could I tolerate so much light in me? All my life I' ve only seen darkness. Maybe light is for other people. My heart still doesn't know what love is. Love I didn't get, I didn't give as well. I' m here now on the edge of this place.I 'm staying here with only hope to get love from somebody who knows me better. I'm fearing that I' ll lose my last chance. Our fears is our hell. And I 'm still frightened.