What Smells Like Lasagna On A Farm?

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood and has a curious new neighbor...

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The air has that quality today, where it has that beautiful, default air smell. Nothing fancy, nothing different, just a soft and pleasant air-smell. Fatima takes it in, standing flat-footed on her front steps. Jermaine steps out the front door, Fatima makes room for him. Neither of them says anything. Jermaine takes a big whiff of that default air smell and enjoys it as well. It is the small similarities such as this that brought these two together.

Their eyes simultaneously move to the left. Fresh new paint sprayed on their house. Bright blue, crude figures, aggressive in nature.

“Ugh! I just finished cleaning the last one!” Jermaine is aggravated.

“What is that, three times in the past week?” Fatima shakes her head. “And these kids are so fast, I can never stop them.”

They both stand there, annoyed with this recent development in their new neighborhood. Then, suddenly, Jermaine catches the new scent first. Fatima notices the puzzled look on his face… and then the scent catches her too.

“What is that?” Jermaine asks.

“I don’t know.” Fatima sniffs harder. “It’s musky, kind of like a farm-type smell, but savory and pleasant almost.”

“Those are basically all things that don’t go together.” Jermaine chuckles with a frown. “Is there a farm near here?”

“We’ve been here, what, two months?” Fatima asks. “I think we would’ve seen a farm if there were one. I think someone is cooking.”

“Cooking what?”

“Lasagna?”

The ground beneath their feet trembles slightly. The smell grows stronger. They look to their right and see two of their new neighbors, Rishi and Camila, out for a walk. But they are not the focal point. It is the animal they have on a sturdy leash that walks in front of them. It’s a 2,000-pound hippo.

The hippo tugs on the leash and nearly yanks Camila’s arms out of their sockets. She holds on with both hands for dear life as the hippo nearly drags her into Fatima and Jermaine’s yard. Camila lets out a soft and panicked “hello” and then looks back to the hippo to make sure she doesn’t let it out of his sight.

“Hi guys!” Rishi calls out from behind Camila.

Fatima and Jermaine open their mouths, no sounds escape, and they wave silently. They had just met Rishi and Camila three weeks before, they also ran into them two weeks ago, both times speaking with them for 15 minutes at least. Small talk, getting to know one another as good neighbors do, talks of their lives and pasts and occupations. At no point did a hippo ever come up in conversation.

“So, uh, new hippo?” Fatima asks, completely lost as to what she should even say.

Jermaine nudges Fatima with an elbow that is almost laughing. Camila continues to get dragged around the yard.

“Nope. We’ve had him for almost a year now.” Rishi responds.

“One year next month.” Camila says as the hippo slows down a bit, sniffing out some spots in the yard.

“Oh, so it's a pet you’ve had–” Jermaine starts.

“He.” Rishi corrects him.

“Right, he is a pet you’ve had… for a while now.” Jermaine continues.

“Yeah, we got him as a baby.” Camila responds as the hippo keeps sniffing the yard slowly, zigging and zagging all around. “He’s still just a kid.”

“Yeah, I can tell.” Fatima is still so perplexed. “What’s he… just a mere 2,000 pounds?”

“2,400.” Rishi corrects. “He should reach 5,000 or more once he’s full grown.”

“And is that… average for a hippo or…” Fatima is trying to find a place to lead this conversation that makes sense to her.

Before any conversation can materialize from her question, the hippo begins to do an odd squatting type motion. And then it happens. The size of Fatima’s head… a lump comes falling out of the hippo’s backside. And then another. And another. Three head-sized lumps of shit fall into Fatima and Jermaine’s yard.

“Honey?” Camila calls out.

Rishi quickly opens up a humongous trash bag and rushes over. He scoops up the massive piles of shit into the trash bag, his eyes squinting and his nose scrunched up.

“Ooh, I think we got to cool it on those new treats.” Rishi says. “The stench is a little too acidic.”

“My eyes burn.” Camila says as if it is totally normal.

Suddenly, two kids with canisters of spray paint run from around the corner. They sprint towards Fatima and Jermaine’s house, masks pulled over their faces, shrouding their identities.

“Oh not these two again!” Jermaine yells out. “Get out of here!”

The kids run up to the building, not listening to a word from Jermaine, ready to tag the house yet again. The canisters shake in their hands on their approach to the house. Suddenly, a bellowing roar catches everyone’s attention and stops the kids in their tracks. The kids look over and see the 2,000 pound hippo barreling towards them, dragging Camila along at the end of the sturdy leash.

The kids yelp in fear and sprint away, dropping their canisters of spray paint. The hippo stops in his pursuit and stands steadily right in front of Fatima and Jermaine.

“What a good boy!” Jermaine says as he reaches out and scratches the hippo’s neck.

“His name is Thomas.” Camila says.

“Thomas, I am glad you are one of our neighbors.” Fatima chuckles as she also scratches his neck. “How can we repay you? Could we invite you in for lunch?”

“That depends,” Rishi states. “Do you have 18 heads of lettuce handy?”

“I don’t.” Fatima responds. “I have 30. One of the luxuries of working at the market. We get a lot of excess.”

“I think Thomas just made some new best friends.” Rishi smiles.

“I think we just made a new best friend.” Fatima adds.

Thomas snorts happily, bulbous snotwads rocketing onto Fatima’s pants. A welcome sight. Snot on the pants is worth more than spray paint prevention for the house.

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