Vowels

The air was humid and hung on my skin like a wet blanket. That didn't help the mood I was in. I stood there facing the window. My thoughts ran like hot lava.

Fuck why won't she talk to me?

I hate it when she gets like this, and she's been like this a lot lately. It seems to always happen when she goes away. It reminds me of my mother.

Shit, shit, shit, it sucks! I hate this feeling! I just want her to talk to me. I could make it better again.

Children played on the lawn across the way. I could overhear their giggles, and it brought temporary happiness to me. Till I remembered, we would never have children. It wasn't possible. My heart dropped to the bottom of my stomach, and my throat tensed up. Sunken-faced, I turned as I heard her come in the front door. I could make out her footsteps down the hallway, and then she turned and entered the doorway.

God, she is beautiful! Perfect in every way. Designed just for me, my tastes, my desires.

Her amber yes turned on me, piercing my heart.

She didn't look at me the same way. There used to be such love there, or so I thought, but maybe I had been tricked.

Gliding across the room, she grabbed my hand. It was cold. Her hands were always cold, but it never bothered me.

How did she always do this to me? Disarm me like this?

My eyes went from her hands to her eyes. Meeting her gaze, I drew a breath in and released it, slowly inching it out bit by bit. She drew me into her stare.

Oh, how I could get lost for days in those eyes.

I tilted my head up more and squared my shoulders back. I wanted to come across as manly, a protector, and someone who could stand alone. This didn't seem to change her penetrating look. She wanted me to know something without saying it. She looked to the ground and back at me again. As if to warn me of what was to come, but she said nothing, mute, silent as the dead of night. We stared at one another. The clock tic-tic-ticked in the background. Minutes passed between us, and I clung to them, not wanting time to pass, hanging onto this moment. I didn't want to let go of her hands, desperate for what little time I had left with her. She turned, dropping my hands. My mind swirled with emotions.

I needed to distract myself. Momentarily I thought of my palms.

They felt sweaty. Hot then cold. Just like our relationship.

I looked up. She had already crossed the room and was looking over at me. Still, no words were spoken between us. Part of me craved syllables from those sweet lips, and at the same time, I feared what would be said.

Tears welled up in my eyes. I Knew what had to be done.

I felt my fingers twitch as I slid them into my pocket. I made out the slim rectangular remote and touched it, inching my index finger over the button. Taking one last long look at my darling sweetheart, drinking up her beauty, then trembling, I drew a deep breath in, and with the exhale, I pushed the button.

Her whole body slumped. For a minute I thought she would fall over, but she didn't. Instead she hung there lifeless.