Ursula's Tale

I was travelling South, looking out of the window at the glorious countryside. The steady beat of the train’s engine was restful. The train sped me along towards my mother’s home. I was looking forward to a peaceful week away from my responsibilities.

Then, little blonde boy stopped by my seat. He looked at my belly and my size. I knew what was coming when he opened his mouth:

"You are fat."

"Yes. Yes, I am." I replied calmly.

"But, why?"

"It's a long story. Do you want to hear it?"

His eyes were like two blue circles, wide and round, waiting to hear. I glanced back at his mother, smiled at her, and began.

"Many years ago, when I was a child, my dad died. But I didn't lose one person then, I lost two. Do you know why?"

He shook his head.

"Because I lost my twin sister too. She was so upset that Daddy had died that she took herself on the number nine bus to the seaside. She got off the bus, and she walked into the sea."

His mouth dropped open. I was aware that the buzz of conversations had quietened, and people had begun listening to the tale.

"You might be thinking she died too, but no. She came across a mermaid who took her to King Triton. King Triton lives under the sea, and he rules over the Mer people. He keeps things balanced, for instance the environment, for all the fish and animals.

King Triton listened as Ursula talked about our dad, how he had died and left us. About how sad she was. He decreed she could stay underwater, but she would have to become a sea witch. She must always use her magic powers for good. Ursula agreed.

Ursula studied hard and learned all about spells. She wanted to find one to bring our Daddy back.

Now I bet a clever lad like you is wondering how I know all this?”

My little friend nodded.

"Well, one day I was walking near school. All the children were gone, and some seagulls flew down to eat the crumbs the children left behind.

One started squawking at me. Screeching. Screaming even. I stopped still and at that moment a large shell dropped onto the ground with a thud. I picked it up and I could hear a voice saying "Hello! Hello!"

It was Ursula.

Ursula had given the seashell to her pals the turtles; they had passed it on to the seahorses, a herd of them, and they passed it to the giant crab. She took it on land to the seagulls, who brought it to me!

Ursula and I chatted for a long time. She told me of her life under the sea, it sounded fabulous! I was so proud of her. I was pleased she hadn’t died, although she had been missing now for nearly a year. Ursula said time moves differently under the sea, and she was now in high school. I was still in middle school, and I was very envious.

Ursula told me there was lots of delicious food under the sea, like crab apple pie, seaweed sushi of course, and her favourite, eel churned chocolate. It turns out that Ursula had become quite large. In the water, though, it didn’t matter. She said she could swim fast now, keeping up with her eel friends.

I was pleased to hear it because I had become quite large too. I missed my Daddy so much, and my lovely twin sister, and so when I felt lost and lonely, I would go and find something to eat.

My Mother always ate when she was angry (often) and sad. I had a bowl of sweets under the TV table, and I would steal them when she wasn’t looking. They made me feel better for a little while.

Do you like sweets?” I asked the lad.

He nodded. “Yes, especially the fizzy ones.”

“Best to save them for the weekends.” He nodded, solemnly.

“It was great to talk to Ursula. I told Mother about it, but she said I had a vivid imagination. She didn’t believe I had really spoken to her. I wondered when I could speak with her again, but I didn’t have a seagull friend to send a message to her. I started to speak to seagulls whenever I could, to see if one could understand me. While some looked promising I never found the right one.

Ursula wasn’t the kind of girl to call me every week, she was off studying and having adventures of her own. She only had herself to care about. So, when I next spoke to her, she seemed to have changed a little bit. She was very pleased with her progress at school. She told me about the spells she was learning. She had stopped trying to bring Daddy back but seemed to be studying the darker side of her magic powers.

I was worried; I didn’t know what to say to her. I couldn’t ask Mother; she was always at church, praying. Mother seemed to love it there. I thought it was cold and dusty, myself. When I did go to church, Mother introduced me to the Pastor. He was very tall, and he had brown eyes. Sometimes they were kind but mostly they were a bit blank.

Mum and the Pastor seemed to be quite good friends. He kissed her cheek when she left church, and she went very pink. I knew there was something going on there, and I didn’t like it one bit.

I was frightened that I would lose my mother to the Pastor. I had lost my sister and my Daddy so the thought of losing someone else was quite terrifying. I tried to talk about it with Mother, but she dismissed me. She was too busy floating around the house, dusting dreamily, and talking about the Pastor.

Pastor and Mother came and told me that they had decided to get married. I had to wear a dress which didn’t please me, all ribbons and bows. It changed my life again; this time because the Pastor (I always called him that) would give me money to go and buy sweets. The longer I stayed away, the better he liked it. He would give me £5 for my tea and some sweets. I could get some sweets and then save the change to have something from the chippy. I loved chicken and chips.

When I was old enough, I went to high school. I got teased so much because I was fatter than everyone else. There was one girl the same sort of size as me, so we hung around together. She was a bit of a bully really, she would make me do what she wanted to do, and I had to share my sweets with her. Pastor kept me in a steady stream of them, any flavour I wanted.

Ursula kept phoning now and again, not very often. I missed having a twin sister. But she was changing in her undersea world; her magic was getting darker and darker. I wanted to see her, but she was obsessed with magic and her spells. She had been in trouble with King Triton as he had told her in the beginning - she had to use her powers for good.

Mother started trying to get me to lose weight when I was about thirteen. She put me on all sorts of diets, but they didn’t work. In a way I liked being fat because I felt it kept people away from me. It made me feel powerful, too, like I was scary.

Sometimes I would try a new diet and I would lose a bit of weight, but I soon put it back on and a little more. Doing this often meant I got gradually bigger.

People were not kind, even adults. I remember one day a girl at school’s mum came up to me and said:

“Oh, you’ve grown!”

“Have I?” I replied.

“Yes, outwards!” she quipped back.

“Her words stung, I had always really liked her too, but you can change your opinion about people you know?”

The lad nodded. He had perched himself on the seat next to me and was swinging his legs.

“So did you keep getting bigger?”

“Yes. Sometimes I lost weight, a few times I lost a lot of weight. But it always came back. Do you know why?”

He shook his blonde head.

“Because of all the sadness I had in me.

I used to be bigger than this you know. “

His mouth dropped open.

“Yes, I did. But I have started to shrink a little. “

“Did you take a shrinking potion?”

No, Ursula wouldn’t let me have one. She said the price was too high. And she is large, and she likes it that way. She is big and strong.

I started getting smaller when I learned about exercises I could do. Not regular exercises, I’ve tried that. But exercises that get rid of the sadness that hangs about in my body.

“There are exercises to get rid of sadness?”

The little lad gave me a look of disbelief.

“Yes, I nodded. I don’t need a spell from under the sea to do them. I just do them like happy people go to the gym or run or swim. “

“My mum says people who are overweight are unhealthy.”

She is correct. But I would say, people who are very overweight, like me, have had a lot to deal with in their lives. So maybe we don’t deserve people saying unkind things.

The lad looked thoughtful. “The bigger a person is, the more sadness there is?”

I nodded.

“I’m not going to be horrible to anyone. No matter their size. Or whether they live in the sea or not!”

“Well, that’s a good thing. If we are nice to everyone, then most people will be nice to us. Would you like it if most people were nice to you?”

He nodded.

“The train is going to arrive soon lad. It’s been good to talk to you. Maybe it’s time to go back to your Mum now?”

“Goodbye!”

He waved and ran to his Mum. I saw him looking thoughtful as the train pulled into the station.

As I got my bag and my bits together, I saw people smiling at me. I wonder about the impact of my story on the boy and the other passengers that heard. Somehow people seemed a little kinder, a bit gentler. I walked happily out of the station to my destination with a lighter foot and a lighter spirit.

***

Authors note: One day someone said I looked like Ursula. I had loved Ursula for a long time and I was thrilled. My sister is also a big Ursula fan so when her twin girls were two or three, I told them that Ursula was my twin. One day I was at Mothers, I picked up a seashell and began "talking" to Ursula. The twins just kept on colouring as if it was perfectly normal but Mother was tickled.

I guess you could say that is how this story began.