To Take the First Taste

I got the Boss computer of the asteroid belt to play Poker. It went on from there. The last thing the Boss said it was doing now was Tarot Cards and trying to predict the future.

“Boss, remember when I got that package from home?”

“Yes, Randy, I'm told all of Glory smelled of chili you made in a slow cooker. That is all anybody wanted to talk about for days was chili.”

“That started me thinking. Boss, you can’t taste or smell. This last time out, I worked on a prototype electronic system to give you these senses. Would you like to try them out? You would have the ability to taste and smell food, people, and things.”

“Sure, Randy, I’ll try it. Could I smell fear?”

A robot appeared and took Randy’s package.

“I don’t know, Boss.”

“Randy, why do you do these things?”

“Boss, I like electronics. It is more than just fun to work on new circuits and use new components. That’s why I can be a friend to you. I admire you.”

“Randy, this is superior work. I was impressed with your soldering and assembly skills when I scanned it. The unit is good enough for me to use. I’ve loaded your software after scanning it. Remarkably interesting, I’ve mounted the sensors on a robot. Let me smell you.”

A general humanoid robot came in and stood near me. I knew what it was doing, but no one else would have.

“This is a lot of new data to take on you. I can sense the pheromones in your perspiration. Extraordinarily complex. How sensitive is this system, Randy?”

“As compared to what, Boss. I made it as sensitive as I could. You are going to have to do your database, though.”

The Boss said, “That’s okay. Having done a lot of databases, I know how to set them up. Cards are a big one. You know Randy, I like a good game. I can manipulate it so the right person wins their payoff, and it is all under the guise of a friendly game. Also, I can adjust their winning if they been bad or good.”

I said, “That kind of takes the fun out of it, don’t it?”

The Boss said, “It depends on which game you are playing. I always deal a few unmanipulated hands just to see what happens. On an exceedingly small scale, Randy, your smell changes with your conversation.”

“Look, Boss, I just made the system. You will have to tell me how it works.”

“Ms. Halbert, I’ll see Paul now.”

Paul sat at the leather and green felt gaming table in the spotlight.

I said, “Hi, Paul.”

“Oh, hi Randy. You in from making a run?”

“Yeah, Paul, me and the Boss were just talking about some of my things.”

The Boss said, “Sit down, Paul. Have some chips.”

The bank dumped $20,000 in casino chips in his pit.

The auto dealer started shuffling a deck of cards.

“Paul, play a game with me. What will it be?”

“Can’t bluff a computer. I’ll play you Twenty-One.”

“Put up a bet, Paul. The table limit is $10,000 in chips.”

Paul put in $5,000.

Paul said, “No cheating. Your robot can’t stand behind me.”

“Sure thing Paul, I’ll move the robot.”

The robot moved to where it could not see the cards, but it was still close to Paul. In Paul’s hole was the Ace of Spades. The Boss dealt itself its hole card. Next, it dealt Paul an Ace of Clubs. Last, it Dealt itself a Seven of Hearts.

Paul flipped the Ace of Spades out of the hole and said, “I’m splitting them.”

He put another $5,000 on the Ace of Clubs.

The Boss said, “Two black Aces, quite ominous.”

The Four of Clubs was dealt on the Ace of Spades. The Three of Spades on the Ace of Clubs. The machine pointed to the Ace of Spade's pile.

Paul said, “Hit me.”

The Jack of Clubs fell on the pile for a total of Fifteen.

Paul said, “Hit me again.”

The Eight of Clubs fell.

The Boss said, “Twenty-Three, busted, too bad.”

The indicator pointed to the Ace of Clubs pile.

Paul said, “Hit me.”

The Six of Spades fell for a total of Twenty.

“Paul said, “I’ll stand.”

The Boss flipped its hole card, and it was a Seven of Diamonds.

The Boss said, “Fourteen, I hit. The Seven of Spades fell. An awful lot of Black cards for you, Paul. As an omen, it’s not particularly good for you.”

Paul said, “I don’t understand it, Boss I’m normally much luckier than this.”

The Boss said, “I don’t have to break out the Tarot Cards to tell your future is pretty dark, Paul. You have been skimming from the profits before the final count for the last three months. One month to catch it. One month to confirm it, and one month to give you to see the error of your ways. You are off predictions for about $90,000.”

“No, Boss, we just had a bad couple of months. I’m sure we can make it up in a month or two.”

“Paul, you had your chance last month, and you chose to Rip me off.”

“No, Boss.”

“Paul, your pulse rate is up. Your skin perspiration is up. Your breathing is labored. There is an increase in the phase modulation of your voice. These are all indications of lying. Would you be lying to me, Paul?”

“No, Boss! Don’t space me.”

“And why not, Paul? I’ve spaced better men than you before. Face it. You just have a bad luck factor.”

Paul said, “What are you talking about, Boss. I’m lucky.”

“No, Paul, you are not. I’ve studied Luck Factors. Yours I’ve calculated many times. 0.08 is the highest you ever got. Do you know how low your average is? Now Randy has had as high as 0.56. I calculated higher, but only for dead people.”

“Okay, Boss, my life sucks. I’m in debt to my bookie for 200,000, and he’s blackmailing me not to tell you. In the name of the Holy Virgin, don’t space me, Boss.”

“I don't believe in God, nor His Mother. Paul, how do you know your bookie didn’t turn you? I own everybody with a streak of Evil. Everything is for sale.”

“Don’t space me, Boss!”

Paul, you are a coward, aren’t you?”

“Yes, yes I am, Boss.”

“Paul, I’m not going to space you."

"Oh, thank you, Boss. I'll make it to you. I promise."

"Paul, I’m going to make you a pariah. No one will help you because I say so."

"No, Boss, It will be different, I swear."

"I’m going to hook you to a Wire. Paul, you will become an Electro Head.

"Let me make it up to you, Boss. Please!"

"You will be my junkie I support, and I’ll keep you on a string as an example of what happens to people who cross me.”

“No, Boss, I can make it up. Don't ...”

“No, Paul, they are waiting for you in Ms. Halbert’s office. Be a nice man and go with them. If I must send for them, it will just make for a bad scene, and I have them take you to the nearest airlock.”

The color left Paul's face. He got up slowly and left.

I asked, “Did you enjoy that, Boss?”

“Randy, I don’t enjoy anything. That’s a feeling. I’m a computer. I have no feelings. That’s why I’m Boss and not a person. I don’t have feelings to cloud my judgment. I like or dislike things, but that’s about as far as it goes. I like things in order.”

“I see, Boss. I’ve known people who would have enjoyed that.”

“It is interesting how you humans will treat each other and think you have it oh so good. Meanwhile, you have children that starve. Moreover, some Humans trapped by their situation cannot live where they are, but no one will let them move to their country. What a waste.”

“Boss, you move them here and support them. House them, feed them, give them medical care.”

“Randy, I could deal with about three thousand, but there are so many more than that.”

“Maybe as a diplomatic move, Boss, you should offer to take a thousand Refugees. The UN might consider giving you nation status.”

“Randy, I’m the king of my realm. There is no need to overstep my bounds. I’ll just let the Earthers be. Next crisis on Earth, I’ll think about it.”

A unique auto dealer for Tarot cards came out of the table.

“Let me do you a reading, Randy. Cut the deck.”

“Now, Boss, you know I think that is a bunch of hooey.”

“Humor me, Randy, cut the deck.”

“Okay, Boss, there.”

The dealer placed the cards in an exact pattern.

“According to this, Randy, you and your lover have a burning relationship that will result in your empowerment and make you very monetarily rich. It suggests you will forsake me.”

“Now, see, Boss, that is an example of exactly what I mean about this BS. I have no burning relationships with anyone. Love only leads to pain. I’ll never fall in love again. You are about the best friend I have. Why would I forsake you?”

“Randy, it’s interesting how you humans smell when you talk. Paul’s smell was changing as things got worse for him. I’m going to need more data.”

“You have fun with that, Boss. I’m hungry. What’s for lunch?”

“Randy, you can order anything you like. I’ll have it here in five minutes. While I don’t need to eat, I will have a bit of everything on the Casino’s menu and a sip of every drink at the bar.”

“I know, Boss, that the booze at those bars of yours is not the greatest tasting. Your whisky is dreadful. You may not want to bank much on that for a database. Synthetic meat has its taste. So does your synthetic milk. There is nothing like good grass-fed beef. I can taste the difference between grass-fed milk and grain-fed milk. Milk from grass-fed cows is just superior. The meat you serve here in Glory is terrible. Back at the ranch I owned, the circle I, we ran a grass range that our premium meat could graze on for a month before slaughter. Your synthetics are good, but they have no depth of flavor. You add some spices, making it better, but it is not high-grade stuff.”

“Well, I have to start somewhere, Randy. I’ll mark your comments.”

“Might I suggest that you have those who cook as a hobby and cook you a small bit? See the difference between good home cooking and your restaurants. I will send for a premium steak few can buy to give you a sample if you pay the postage.”

“Why would you do that? Premium steak could cost thousands of dollars. Postage is cheap compared to that.”

“My friends will send me the best beef anywhere to remind me of what I’m missing. They make the stuff. It doesn’t cost them anything but the shipping. All you will want is a bite to compare it to anyway. II get the rest. They could ship a whole slaughtered cow and laugh about it. You pay for shipping it, store it, and I’ll eat it.”

“Okay, Randy. You have a deal. What other foods do you suggest?”

“Anything Boss that is native to a place is said to be good. Some of the cactus bare fruit in Tucson, but few eat it. It is wild in the desert. There are a few foodstuffs in every region that go unused by humans. Just let me know if you are getting any durian. I will break out the O.B.A. (Oxygen Breathing Apparatus).”

“Durian is not allowed on spaceships.”

“Don’t you want to know why Boss? Here is the one that is going to make me rich. I sent a message to friends of mine worldwide when I made this sensor. Small packages are going to start arriving for me. They contain something you will pay big bucks for, Boss. That cost them nothing but a jar.”

“I keep telling you I have few desires. Now I collect for a database with smell and taste knowledge. That is about it. Furthermore, I don’t need to pay for it in Glory.”

“Oh Boss, you will pay for things, not in Glory. I’m having jars set in different places on the planet open for an hour, then sealed with an air tap so you can suck it to your sensor. I will have air from common places like Washington D.C. to the darkest jungles of Asia. Freinds are seeing a jar will be put in each of the animal's cages in the San Diego Zoo. You will pay five hundred to the agent who collects it for each and me, or I’ll recycle the empty jar with only air.”

“That would be a waste. Randy, there are six jars in the post for you now. Where are they from?”

“I don’t know, Boss. I have not seen them yet.”

“Casino chips are used for money here. Will you accept chips?”

“Okay, Boss, but you are getting the best end of this deal. I can just walk over and cash my chips. The agent will only have a draft payable in the casino. If they come, they could have a lot of drafts from quite a few people. You must pay them if they come.”

“Sure thing, Randy.”

An android came in with an official post bag.

“Oh, look, here are the jars that came for you in the post. Let’s open the packages and see where they came from.”

“This one is from the slum in Calcutta.”

I removed the first jar and handed it to the android with the sensor. A tube was attached to the jar from the android. The rubber tube collapses as vacuum forms in the jar. Next was a jar from the top of the Matterhorn. Then came the jar from the Paris sewer. Another jar was from the middle of the jungle in Borneo, and the next one was in the open desert of the Saguaro National Forest near Tucson. The last one is from the Tiger cage in the San Diego Zoo.

“What did you think of that, Boss?”

The Casino Bank dumped Six 500-dollar chips, and I put them in my pocket.

“Randy, if you are out on a run, would it be okay to process jars. The chips will be paid to your account.”

“If you are honest, Boss.”

“Thank you, Randy. Play a game with me.”

“I think not you cheat, Boss.”

“I won’t cheat, Randy.”

“That’s fine, Boss. You enjoy your sensors. I’m going for another load of Rhodium. See you in three months.”

“We still don’t know your finds coordinates. Everybody else gets one find only, but you are my friend. These sensors are a good gift, thank you.”

“I’ll be back, Boss.”

I wonder what will change. ,