The Wind Farm

The governor of Florida had recently authorized New Wind Energy, Corp, to build a giant wind farm off the Florida coast. The workers were setting up the wind farm for the last several months, which made several greedy American oil company executives very unhappy. This was typical of American Oil Companies to try and shut down their competition.

Instead of building there own wind farm, they donated money to an anti-environmental group called Morons For Oil Farming. The anti-environmental group, Morons for Oil Farming, or MO-FRs for short, was planning on putting a stop to this.

“Even though wind energy is just as profitable as oil and provides just as many jobs, we can’t let the public know that. Our motto is ‘keep America dumb and dirty,” the leader of the group, Greg Dumps, announced to applause.

One person raised their hand.

“Yes, sir, you in the back with your hand up. What’s your question?” Greg said.

“Hi, I’m Joe, a reporter with The New Times. Why don’t you switch to wind yourselves. Then you wouldn’t have to worry about shutting down wind energy, you’d be wind energy?” Joe asked.

“Two reasons Joe. First, America is set up for oil. We have the infrastructure for it. And even though we could just put wind energy farms wherever we have nuclear plants or coal plants, and we could set up electric charging stations at all the gas stations, and we could very, very easily set up the infrastructure for wind and solar energy and electric cars, we simply don’t want to. It wouldn’t cost that much to do, but we lie and say it would be to expensive because all we care about is selling oil and making money, whatever the cost. Plus who doesn’t like breathing in smog. Nothing like the fresh stink of burning oil to get you out of bed in the morning,” Greg said.

“Wow. So you admit to being greedy, selfish, stupid and lazy? So what’s the second reason you won’t switch to wind?” Joe asked.

“The second reason… is this, right here” Joe said and pulled out an automatic and shot Joe.

“Now my answer won’t be on the news later, ha ha ha. Guys, clean up the corpse of that ‘honest’ reporter over there. The rest of you, not a word. Us oil executives don’t like the truth, we value lies and pollution,” Greg said to a terrified but clearly adorning audience.

“One less environmentalist! Let’s go destroy the planet for no reason at all, then lie and say oil is profitable and wind energy is not! Yay for pollution!” Greg shouted on top of his lungs, then coughed up a black ooze from deep within his stomach that came from to many years of breathing in air at the oil processing plant.

The whole audience started cheering and shouting “we hate Earth, we hate Earth” and “Pollute the Planet, Pollute the Planet” over and over again while Greg laughed fiendishly with a glowing, demonic smile on his face, his left eyebrow curled, and the tips of his fingers touching as he slowly raised his hands to his lips.

“Let’s go destroy that wind farm,” Greg shouted and the crowd went wild.

They took their boats out to the location of where the wind farm was being built, and dumped chemicals into the water. They thought the chemicals would dissolve the wind generators.

Before the chemicals could reach the wind generators, however, it reached a family of already large octopus. They mutated and grew rapidly, absorbed the rest of the chemicals, and grew even more. They grew five times the size of the tallest skyscrapers.

The octopus family swam over to the anti-environmental group, which had taken a few boats with them, and who were sitting in the front decks waiting for the chemicals to dissolve the wind farm. They were completely oblivious to the approaching octopus who had already absorbed the chemicals.

One of the giant octopuses jumped out of the ocean, flapping its giant tentacles, then grappled one of the anti-environmentalist boats with its tentacles, put the entire boat in its mouth and swallowed it.

“Run,” one of the anti-environmentalists on a second boat said, unaware of the second encroaching eldritch giant octopus.

The second and third giant octopus crushed the remaining anti-environmentalist boats. They ate everyone on the boats except the President of the company, Greg. They took their time eating him, making sure he suffered, making sure each rib cracked and each bone broke before they killed him. Then they squeezed Greg’s intestines into their mouths like he was a tube of toothpaste. Then the giant octopus peacefully went back down to the ocean to live in its depths along with his giant octopus family. The wind farm was built, and the greedy, selfish stupid morons at the oil company lost a ton of money because they refused to switch to profitable wind or solar energy. And without a CEO to run the company, the oil company was company shuttered.

This is why you don’t mess with wind energy farmers, solar farmers, tree huggers or any environmentalists. Karma will get you if you do!