The Thrill is Gone

The following is a stage adaptation of a sketch I wrote for a radio program I created and produced in my college years. I'm posting it here for the sake of anyone who wants it. I, the author of this work, hereby give you full permission to perform this in whatever capacity you desire, provided you give me due credit as its author.

CHARACTERS

Clydie: 22; journalism intern

Kyle: 23; audio engineer

Miguel: 28; womanizer

Anita: 25; waitress

SCENE

Lonnie's Diner

Decatur, IL

TIME

Present day

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SETTING: A diner. There are three booths by the window and a door upstage left.

AT RISE: CLYDIE sits in the middle booth with a cup of coffee, looking out the window. There's a menu by her side. MIGUEL sits in the left booth, perusing a menu. ANITA enters with a fresh pot of coffee. She walks up to CLYDIE's booth.

ANITA : Want another refill for your coffee?

CLYDIE : Yes, please.

(ANITA refills CLYDIE's cup.)

ANITA : You think maybe he’s not coming?

CLYDIE : He’s not that late.

ANITA : You walked in here thirty minutes ago saying you expected him in five.

CLYDIE : Traffic could be bad. Maybe his car broke down.

ANITA : Maybe he’s with his side piece.

CLYDIE : You know what? It’s none of your business why he’s not here right now, okay?

ANITA : Sorry. I just don’t think he’s coming.

CLYDIE : Could you do your thinking somewhere else, then?

ANITA : Whatever you say.

ANITA : (under her breath) Pinche gringas, no saben nada.

CLYDIE : I heard that! I took three years of Spanish in high school! I know what those words mean!

(MIGUEL puts down his menu, gets up, turns around, and kneels on his seat to face CLYDIE.)

MIGUEL : So, you speak Spanish?

CLYDIE : I mean, I know a little bit. I don’t speak it very often.

MIGUEL : I like that. I like a woman who can appreciate the beautiful things in life. I also appreciate beautiful things.

CLYDIE : Before you say one word more, I have a boyfriend.

MIGUEL : (slinks into CLYDIE's booth) You mean Mr. Thirty-Minutes-Late? Yeah, sounds like a real treasure.

CLYDIE : You were eavesdropping!

MIGUEL : Look, I normally make it a rule not to interfere with anybody’s love life, but it seems to me like this guy you’re waiting for isn’t good enough for you. I mean, he should be here by now. You need a man who’s going to be there for you, you know?

CLYDIE : Like you?

MIGUEL : Well, I don’t wanna brag—

CLYDIE : And I don’t want to ride your tiny little schwanzstucker. Now leave me alone.

MIGUEL : You know what? I’ll give you some time to mull it over. If your guy’s not here in five minutes, I’ll be in that booth over there. Adios, mi bella.

CLYDIE : Adios, and good riddance!

(MIGUEL walks back to his booth and sits down. He goes back to his menu. KYLE enters the diner.)

CLYDIE : Ugh, finally.

(KYLE sees CLYDIE and walks to her booth.)

KYLE : Hey, Clydie. Sorry, I’m late. Traffic was awful. (sits)

CLYDIE : That’s fine. I’m just glad to see you again!

(ANITA enters with a menu.)

ANITA : Here’s a menu for you, sir. (hands the menu to KYLE)

KYLE : Thank you.

ANITA : Are you ready to order, miss?

CLYDIE : Oh...I was so busy waiting I forgot to think about what to order.

ANITA : I’ll come back then.

CLYDIE : Thank you.

(ANITA exits.)

KYLE : So...how are you?

CLYDIE : I’m fine.

KYLE : That’s good.

(A beat.)

KYLE : Uh, what’s been new with you while I’ve been away?

CLYDIE : I got that internship down at WAND. Don’t you remember? I told you in that letter I wrote.

KYLE : You did? Oh, uh, yeah. I remember. You did.

CLYDIE : I mean, you never answered your phone whenever I’d call. I figured you were just really busy with work or something. So I wrote you a letter—kinda took a chance with that; I mean, if you were too busy, you might forget to write back to me or call me and tell me you got it at least. But then you wrote me back and it was the sweetest, most heartfelt letter I’d ever received.

KYLE : Yeah, I was, uh...I was real busy with work things.

CLYDIE : How’s your novel coming along, by the way?

KYLE : My what?

CLYDIE : You said in the letter that you’d started working on a novel.

KYLE : Oh, uh...it’s coming along. Got a beginning, a middle...just gotta figure out the end. You know how it goes.

CLYDIE : Yeah. (beat) What’s your novel about?

KYLE : Huh?

CLYDIE : Your novel. What’s it about? I mean, I know you told me in your letter, but it’s been a while, so...

KYLE : Oh, well, uh...my novel that I’m writing...um...my novel is going to be about...this couple who, uh...who form a band! Yeah. They form a band and they become big stars, but the fame starts to take a toll on their relationship. Yeah. That’s what it’s about.

CLYDIE : (bangs her fist on the table) Liar!!!

KYLE : Aaaah!

CLYDIE : You said your novel was gonna be about a soldier at Normandy struggling with his crush on Dwight D. Eisenhower! Or was it really you who said that?

KYLE : What are you talking about, Clydie?

CLYDIE : Who really wrote that letter, Kyle? Don’t you think that, after dating for five months, I would recognize what your handwriting looks like? Tell me who wrote that letter, and why you kept avoiding me while you were away!

KYLE : If you really wanna know, Clydie, fine! I had my friend Ryan write that letter. He’s this guy I’ve known since high school; he’s been wanting to write a hit novel.

CLYDIE : Did you even read the letter I sent you?

KYLE : Yes!

CLYDIE : Don’t lie to me, Kyle!

KYLE : No! No, I didn’t.

CLYDIE : Alright, then. (beat) Why wouldn’t you talk to me while you were away? Is there someone else?

KYLE : Well...yes and no.

CLYDIE : It’s either yes or no! Either there’s someone else or there isn’t! Which one is it, Kyle?!

KYLE : Yes! But not exactly. You see...there’s this girl back in my hometown. She writes songs and plays guitar and...well, I kinda developed a crush on her.

CLYDIE : Have you slept with her?

KYLE : No! I haven’t even asked her out on a date or anything! But...I think she’s The One. She excites me. Just the thought of her excites me.

CLYDIE : And I don’t? What about me? Am I not exciting to you?!

KYLE : You were! When we started dating, you were. I don’t know. Things change, I guess.

CLYDIE : So...so that’s it, then? Everything we had, just chucked out the window because you have a crush on a coffee shop musician?

KYLE : How’d you know she sings in coffee shops?

CLYDIE : She’s a female songwriter who plays guitar! They all sing in coffee shops!

KYLE : Look, I didn’t want it to end this way.

CLYDIE : You did want it to end, though, right? So you could be free to pursue your new crush? (two beats) Just go.

KYLE : I’m sorry—

CLYDIE : Go!

(KYLE gets up and leaves the diner. MIGUEL notices his leaving and, as soon as he's out the door, gets up and slinks his way to CLYDIE's booth.)

MIGUEL : I’m so very sorry to hear of hear of your recent breakup.

CLYDIE : Oh, God...

MIGUEL : I hope you’re not too devastated. That guy was a fool; you’re better off without him.

CLYDIE : I lived for three months without him. I can handle an eternity.

MIGUEL : No woman should have to be alone, though...especially not a woman as lovely as you.

CLYDIE : I’ve told you already I’m not interested.

MIGUEL : Come on, let’s not have two broken hearts today!

CLYDIE : I said, leave me alone!

MIGUEL : You need a good man in your life, mama, and I can be that man. I’ve got a good job, a house all to myself—

CLYDIE : Oh, buzz off!

(ANITA enters with the coffee pot.)

MIGUEL : I’ll never have to be away for long periods of time. I can be by your side, all the time, where a good man belongs.

ANITA : Hey, pendejo! Leave her alone!

MIGUEL : I wasn’t bothering her! I was just—

ANITA : Out! Now!

MIGUEL : Fine! Look, babe, I’ll give you my number—

ANITA : I’ll give you third-degree burns on your huevos if you don’t leave right now!

MIGUEL : God! Okay! I’m leaving!

(MIGUEL gets up and exits the diner.)

ANITA : I’m so sorry about that. He comes in here a lot and tries to flirt with any girl he finds.

CLYDIE : I figured. He looks the type. Smells the type, too. Ack! Does he bathe in Axe Body Spray?

(Half a beat.)

ANITA : More coffee?

CLYDIE : No, thank you.

ANITA : Something to eat? I could possibly convince the manager to let me give you a discount, at least.

CLYDIE : No, no, it’s fine. It’s just... (sigh)

ANITA : You’ll meet the right person someday.

CLYDIE : What if I don’t?

ANITA : What if you don’t need to?

CLYDIE : What are you talking about?

ANITA : I really don’t know. I just said that on impulse.

CLYDIE : You do that a lot.

ANITA : Yeah.

(A beat.)

CLYDIE : I think I will order something, actually.

ANITA : Okay. What’ll you have?

CLYDIE : Hmmm...I think I’ll treat myself today. I’ll have a cheeseburger with the cherrywood bacon and a strawberry shake.

ANITA : Excellent choice. I’ll be right back with your order.

CLYDIE : Thank you.

(ANITA walks off. CLYDIE looks out the window and sighs wistfully.)

(BLACKOUT)

(END OF SKETCH)