The Perfect Weekend

“We drove up the snowy, winding road towards the cozy, A-frame cabin. It was now less than a minute that Phineas the almighty will have a wonderful weekend getaway. He still couldn’t believe the coupon he got for this AirBnB but everything seemed to line up perfectly with today so he had no worries.” Phineas’s red sedan pulled up the cabin’s seemingly endless clear driveway. He got out when he finally parked and took a second to absorb the snow covered forest surrounding him. He looked back at the unaffected road he had just come from. “Everything lined up perfectly, definitely fate.” He walked over to the trunk and popped it open. A tied-up man laid twisted before him with a piece of tape covering his mouth. He stared up at Phineas with terror in his eyes.

“What’s up, man? Have a nice drive?” Phineas said to him with a smile. He pulled him out by his arm and threw him over his shoulder. The man, flopping and grunting about, looked around as he was carried into the cabin and noticed the unassisted situation he was in. His body went limp. A tear rolled up his face into his hair.

Phineas carried him inside and threw him onto a sofa chair set perfectly in the middle of the very open singular room. He ripped the tape off of his mouth, “shout as loud as you want, no one will hear you anyways,” he brought his face within an inch of the man’s and whispered, “and I love the vibrations,” he said with a wide smile.

The man looked up at him. “You’re weird as fuck,” he said with conviction.

Phineas stopped in his tracks and looked at the man. “You may be right,” his body slid over to the man, “but so am I.” He walked over to the suitcase he brought in with them and started shuffling through it. “Petri Perrera, also known as Peter Gonzales, has done some pretty bad things. Some would say, awful.”

“I’m sure you’ve done much worse.”

“That is also true, but it doesn’t really matter cause you’re the one in the chair. And having only one bad thing is better than having two bad things so if one of the bad things takes out the other bad thing then there's only one bad thing. And that is a good thing.”

“You are fucking crazy.”

“Man, you just can’t stop spitting facts.”

“I haven’t done shit to anyone.”

“Maria Vasquez, Jennifer Poladin, Greta Louis, Nicole Raden, Shanelle James, must I go on?” Peter sat in irritation. “To be fair, I probably would’ve killed Nicole too if I was you.” Peter rolled his eyes and sighed. “Don’t worry man, I want to enjoy the peace and quiet here so I’ll finish up with you quickly, you won’t have to be sitting around suffering.”

“Whatever, man, just hurry up and get it over with.”

“You have somewhere to be?” Phineas chuckled to himself. “It’s not too often I get someone not begging for their life.”

“One look at you crazy fuck and it’s easy to tell you won’t change your mind.”

“You are a very smart man, shouldn’t have made those unsmart choices.”

“Nothing in life is a choice my friend, do you really have a choice to let me go? No, I’ve seen too much, you’re stuck in this position now.”

“Yes, very smart. Unfortunately smart.”

“We drove up the snowy, winding road towards the cozy, A-frame cabin,” Adam said in a movie narrator voice.

“Why do you talk like that?” Katie, his passenger, asked.

“Adam is not quite sure what to say at this moment, so he turns to Katie with a shrug. She looks at him with a strange stare so he locks his eyes on the clear road in front of them.” Katie kept a conscious gaze upon Adam as they drove up the mountainside. “Adam tries to distract Katie by directing her sight towards the cabin.” She turned her attention toward her weekend getaway and froze in amazement. The cabin was three times the size she imagined it would be! “She was still a little skeptical about being in such isolation with someone she just met but she now knew this weekend would be better than she could’ve ever imagined.”

A large smile lit up her face as they pulled to the end of the clear driveway. They got out and both took in a deep breath of the beautiful serenity they were in.”Sorry about talking so weird, I’m pretty socially anxious and then I get into this weird third-person mode. For some reason I think it’s a little funny and cute but I get it can be creepy and weird.”

“Hey, at least you get a plus one for self-awareness.”

Adam chuckled, “thanks.”

They began taking their luggage out of the trunk as they became more flirty and open with each other. From inside the cabin, Peter and Phineas can begin to hear them walking toward the door. They both looked through the two-way wall of glass and saw them about to enter. Phineas looked at Peter, “don’t say anything unless you want some innocent people killed, just follow my lead.”

Adam and Katie walked into the cabin to Phineas standing over a still tied-up Peter. “Oh, uh, we’re sorry, we didn’t think anyone would be here.” Adam said.

Phineas pranced over to the couple, “Oh, that’s perfectly fine dear,” he said as he put his arm around Katie, “me and Petri here were just about to have a little fun,” he told her with a wink. Katie looked at Adam with wide-eyes.

“Sorry for interrupting, we got this place on AirBnB so we didn’t think anyone would be here.”

Peter looked at Phineas, “not perfect, eh?” Phineas looked back at him with a stern face.

“I’m sorry?” Katie asked.

“Nothing dear, he’s just a little surprised because we got the place on AirBnB too,” Phineas quickly responded.

“Oh, really? It must’ve bugged for us then, that sucks,” Adam said.

“Yeah, real unfortunate,” Peter said.

“Well, if it’s not too big of a deal, is it cool if we just hang out with you guys for the weekend?”

“Oh, no, it’s no big deal at all, we love people don’t we Phineas?”

Phineas stared at Peter with a now twitching stern face. “Yes,” he said slowly as he gritted his teeth.

“Okay, cool,” Katie said nervously as she walked further into the spacious cabin.

A large clunk echoed through the room. Katie turned around to see Adam face planted on the floor, bleeding, and Phineas walking toward her holding a long, steel flashlight. Before she could react and defend herself, Phineas swung the flashlight to her temple, knocking her down on the ground.

“See what you made me do? You could’ve told them to leave but now I gotta deal with this too.”

“I was just going along with your nice-guy act. I was just trying to be a nice guy.”

“I was just trying to be a nice guy,” Phineas repeated mockingly, “shut the fuck up. You aren’t a nice guy.”

“Neither are you.”

Phineas, trembling with anger, ran over to Peter and slapped him with all of his momentum. He grabbed him by the throat, “you don’t tell me what I am or am not, I tell you!”

“Could you tell me with less spit in my face?” Peter hoarsely gasped out.

Phineas let go and started pacing around the room.

“It was supposed to be PERFECT! You just haaad to ruin everything. Why? Why do you do this to me? Bitch ass Phineas doing a bitch ass job. You’re better than that. I’m better than that. Obviously not, you idiot. You should’ve just taken him out already, always gotta play with your food. It’s all your stupid mother’s fault. No, don’t blame your mother, she didn’t know what she was doing. But yeah she did, cause she did it, she chose to do that.”

“I thought we didn’t have a choice in life.”

Phineas ran at Peter again but this time hit him with the flashlight leaving a dent in his skull. Peter slowly regained eye contact with Phineas, “good luck, lypamai gia the zoi sas.”

Phineas hit him again with the flashlight, “don’t be sorry for me,” he hit him again, “I love my life.” Phineas repeatedly hit him a few more times before dropping the flashlight now covered in blood. “Whoo, just another honest day’s work.” Phineas said as he turned around to a conscious Katie. “Well, shit”

Katie fired the gun she was aiming at Phineas. He stood for a second with 6 bullets in his chest, “you lucky bitch,” he coughed out before falling backwards onto Peter. Katie ran over to Adam still on the ground and rolled him onto his back. She checked his pulse and confirmed he was dead.

“Holy fuck, what the fuck? Ohmygodohmygodohmygod, what the fuuuck? Shit, shit, shit, what do I doo?” Katie pulled out her phone and saw she had no service. She sifted through Adam’s pants and pulled out his keys. She ran outside and had anxiety fill her body as she fully realized her problems. She was all alone, in an isolated location, with no car, minimal food and water, and no phone service.

She ran back inside and walked over to Phineas and Peter’s lifeless bodies. She sifted through Phineas’s pants and found his keys. “How are both of our cars gone?” She stood up, “what the fuck is this place?” She walked over to her luggage and pulled out some clothes. She bundled up in more layers and grabbed a small bag. She put some food and a few water bottles inside and stood at the front door. “Okay, you got this, it’s not that far of a walk, it’s not that cold, you’ve got this.”

She took a deep breath and walked out the door. Her lips were already frozen by the time she got to the end of the cabin and her eyelashes were beginning to ice up. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I got this, I got this, I got this,” she kept repeating to herself. “I got this, I got this, I am a lucky bitch, I am going to make it.” She kept repeating her mantras and kept walking the still perfectly clear road. She kept her eyes closed as her spirit guided her through this difficult situation. She had walked for hours and finally saw a crossroad, her face now rose red, her body heavily shivering with each step. She reached the road and saw car lights headed her way, she really was a lucky bitch.

The car pulled up to her as she held her arms as high as she could, just above shoulder height. They rolled down their window, “What are you doing out here love?” the passenger said with a British accent.

“Please help, my date and I went to this cabin and there was this guy there who I think was trying to murder this other guy and then he ended up killing my date and tried killing me and then I woke up after he killed the other guy and then I had to kill him and I’ve been walking in the cold for hours and please just help!” she said sobbing after every other word.

“I’m gonna need you to calm down miss cause I don’t have a fuckin’ clue what you’re trying to say. Do you know what she said?” he asked the driver who immediately shrugged his shoulders.

“Please can I just come with you? I just need help.”

“You know, that would be kind of us, but that’s also a lot of fuckin’ work and frankly, you seem to be a bit out of your mind.”

“Of course I am! Did you not hear what I just went through?”

“Yeah, yeah, murderer, killer, blah, blah, sounds like a lot of bitchin’ to me.”

“What? Why are you so mean?”

“Alright, I’m tired of this interaction,” the passenger quickly pulled out a gun and shot 3 bullets into Katie, dropping her instantly. “Alright, let’s go on then.”

They turned down the road Katie just came from. “We drove up the snowy, winding road towards the cozy, A-frame cabin,” the driver said.

“The fuck did you just say? The first time you speak all drive and that’s the shit you say? Fuckin’ weird ass.”