The Paradox of the Unicorn and the Rainbow

It is a truth universally acknowledged that unicorns are the best thing in the world. Not only do they sparkle like jism in the rays of a rising sun, but they do magic from their horns too, as well as being dainty and pretty and alive with raw muscular power, somehow unifying the confusingly contradictory fantasies of girls in early pubescence the world over.

It is also a truth universally acknowledged that rainbows are the best thing in the world. Full grown adults will rise even from soft, low chairs to move five feet closer to them, even though they are an impossible distance away, and strangers will override many a social protocol to draw one another's attention to this literal lit water, demonstrating that altruism is not merely self service in generous clothing.

It is as well, I am afraid, a truth acknowledged largely by those who cling to the notion of truth, that two things cannot simultaneously truly be the best thing in the world. And so it is with unicorns and rainbows. Ask yourself this. Have you ever seen a unicorn dancing on a rainbow? Ok, let me rephrase. Have you ever, when entirely sober, seen a unicorn dancing on a rainbow? No you have not. Because unicorns and rainbows cannot exist simultaneously, by virtue of their both being the best thing in the world. Following?

Let me tell you the story of how it came to be, you know, as it is.

A long long time ago, humankind lived in a beautiful garden, and in this garden, man brought forth his pleasure, and woman brought forth her pleasure, and their pleasures mingled and frolicked in innocent delight. Man's pleasures were bold and hearty, and he made birds and rivers and sky, and woman's pleasures were layered and playful, and she made fruiting trees and seas and wind. And the birds sang amongst the blossom, and the rivers flowed into the seas and the wind rippled the sky, and all was good in the world.

One day, woman laughed at man's icicle as it turned wet and limp in the face of her dragon's breath, and man felt his pride wounded. Man bragged to woman that he would bring forth the best thing in the world, a thing to put all other things in the garden to shame, and he set about his lonely task with vigorous purpose.

Woman was not to be outdone, however, knowing that if man should gain the upper hand, he would keep it for 5000 years, and so she too set about her lonely task with fervent enthusiasm.

Man finished first, but Woman did not turn to see the magnificent beast which had come into the garden, so determined was she to finish her own work. Man gazed in awe at the evidence of his supremacy, and he was right to take pleasure in what he had done, for the unicorn was, indeed, the best thing in the world. But as he gazed upon its creamy, silken hide he saw above it the sky turning slowly from blue to violet, then indigo, no green, yellow, orange, red! The arched layers of colours built in intensity until they screamed across the sky, as Woman opened her eyes, and for a moment, Man and Woman looked upon the rearing unicorn, his mane flowing in undulant glory as the rainbow arced above him. And then the unicorn exploded, scattering in glistening pearls of lost potential all about the garden, for it could not be that two things could at once be truly the best think in the world.

Woman put away her rainbow, after that, and even now takes it out only when she remembers how happy and how sad that moment had been at the same time. And that is why you have never seen a unicorn dance on a rainbow.

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And the source of the fun: