The Man in the Black Coat

It was getting late on Sunday, and Jacob Waknosky had been working since eight. His boss had called him in on his day off because another employee was sick. It was against the law for Jacob to say no to his boss because enough pro-capitalist extremists had gotten elected to office to make what they called 'pro business' laws. This made it very difficult to be an employee, but businesses were thriving. The government made it illegal not to have a job, so everybody worked, even those with severe disability’s. Have you ever seen somebody with no arms try to mine for coal with a pickaxe in his mouth? Jacob had, and it sickened him. To make matters worse, they had converted everything to solar a decade prior, making coal obsolete.

"Time to go already?" Fred asked Jacob as he was swiping his company ID.

"Yah, I started early. I'm going home, grabbing a beer, then falling asleep watching TV," Jacob said.

"Sounds like my kind of night," Fred said.

"You could join," Jacob said.

"I wish. You know the rules, employees have to immediately go home after work and sleep so they can be well rested for work again," Fred said.

"It's like they think we exist just to work," Jacob said.

"That's exactly what they think," Fred said.

"If our days off ever align, we'll go drinking," Jacob said.

"I'm just glad alcohol sales are good for the economy, or those assholes in office would have outlawed that too," Fred said and they laughed.

Jacob nodded and opened the door to his new hot pink convertible that was supposed to be a gift for his ex wife.

“Wait, Shelia got the red car?” Fred shouted.

“Don’t remind me,” Jacob said.

Jacob approached the parking lot gates and the company enforcer approached his vehicle. The law allowed for companies to hire enforcers to make sure there employees started on time and weren’t clocking out early, even if they were sick because that would be ‘stealing company time.’ If they needed a sick day, they needed to call twenty four hours in advance so the company could 'effectively replace you.' That meant even if you got sick in the middle of the work day, you stayed at work. The larger companies hired there own enforcers because they were the only ones that could afford them. The medium and smaller sized companies had 'state sponsored' enforcers, meaning people paid taxes to have that money used to force them to show up to work and pay more taxes. Jacob had worked for a very large chain of nurseries, Salmon & Spitz plant and SOD, inc., that had an endless supply of enforcers to make sure he and all his co-workers never missed a day.

The enforcer, wearing a black coat with a hood that made it impossible to see his face, knocked on Jacobs window. Jacob rolled it down.

“Company identification,” the enforcer said. Jacob handed him his company badge, which the enforcer swiped.

“You left a minute late. You’re aware the company doesn’t pay overtime,” the enforcer said.

“I’m aware. I know they abolished the overtime laws. They said the companies could expand and hire new employees with all the money they'd save. They never did, though,” Jacob said and chuckled.

“I need to check your vehicle for stolen goods,” the enforcer said.

“You’ve seen me every day for three years, have I ever stolen anything?” Jacob asked.

“I’m new. And I need to check your vehicle,” the enforcer said.

“Oh, you’re new. It’s hard to tell under the mask,” Jacob said and again chuckled, but the enforcer said nothing. Jacob unlocked his car and gave the go ahead for the enforcer to search it.

“One thing I love about you guys is your sense of humor,” Jacob said as the enforcer was tossing things around in the back seat.

“Why waste time joking when I could be working?” The enforcer said.

“Oh right. What was I thinking?” Jacob asked.

The enforcer approached the driver door and said “you may go.” Jacob smiled, waived and drove home.

There was another enforcer in a black coat and hood at Jacobs door when he got home. He opened up his garage, and the enforcer followed him in.

Jacob opened his car door and said, "I know, I'm not allowed to bring home anything fun or stimulating until the weekend, unless it's a reward for good work. I drove right home and made no stops.”

"I need to check anyway, sir," The enforcer said and rummaged through Jacobs car.

"We've been doing this every day for the last three years, you'd think I'd be used to the lack of privacy by now," Jacob said.

"Privacy is bad for the economy. To much privacy and people get lazy and stop working. I'm also new. I haven't seen you before," The enforcer said.

"Of course you're new. It's hard to tell with those hoods over your face," Jacob said.

"The hoods protect our identity so the working class can't unionize then identify and target us for helping them to work," The enforcer said.

"Because nobody would work unless you made them work, correct?" Jacob said snidely.

"That's correct, sir," The enforcer said.

"Well, thank's for your help, I guess," Jacob said.

Jacob went inside and was followed by the enforcer.

“Barbara, I’m home,” Jacob shouted to his girlfriend.

Barbara came down in a red silk bathrobe.

“You might want to keep the robe on unless the enforcer gives us some privacy. What do you say, Jack? can I get a few minutes alone with my girlfriend?”

“You need to work another fifty eight hours for sexual activity. You worked enough for twenty minutes of television, ten minutes for dinner and small talk, and half of a beer. And my name's not Jack,” the enforcer said.

“How is it you know exactly how many hours I need for sex?” Jacob asked.

“It’s in the system. I’m wearing facial recognition software under my hood. It scans your face and tells me all your personal information. Also, don’t forget your doctors appointment on Tuesday at six thirty. Thank you for scheduling it outside of work hours,” the enforcer said.

“That’s not creepy at all,” Jacob said.

"That was a joke, sir. I read your file before I came over," the enforcer said.

"I've never heard any of you guys joke before. That's funny," Jacob said.

“Wouldn’t the state save money if they didn’t have to hire all of you enforcers?” Barbara asked.

“No. Productivity would go down and as a result, people would pay less in taxes,” the enforcer said.

“But why would that matter if the state didn’t need to spend money on so many enforcers? Plus employees would get treated fairly,” Barbara asked.

“That sounds like socialist talk. Are you a socialist, ma’am?”

“And what if I am? What are you going to do?” Barbara said, and Jacob shot Barbara a dirty look.

“I could have you arrested. Anti capitalist speech is treason, that’s a capital offense. You’d be executed if convinced,” the enforcer said.

“Please, Barb. Let’s just watch our twenty minutes of television and go to bed,” Jacob said.

“Fine, I’m not a socialist,” Barbara said and muttered ‘jerk off’ under her breath.

They watched TV, split a beer and went upstairs. The enforcer followed them to bed.

"Do we at least get to snuggle?" Jacob asked.

"As long as there's no arousal. I'll be scanning your vital signs to make sure," the enforcer said.

"Another joke?" Jacob said. The enforcer didn't answer.

Jacob put his hand around Barbara and they went to sleep.

Excited to earn enough time to sleep with Barbara, Jacob had stayed at work an extra hour every day for the next week in a half.

He had finally earned enough time on Wednesday and left work smiling. He waived to the enforcer after his car was inspected and sped home.

He parked his car, got his second inspection, and went inside.

"You ready to have some fun, Barbara?" Jacob called.

"I sure am," Barbara shouted from upstairs.

"You've earned exactly two minutes of sexual activity. Barbara still needs to work another eight hours," the enforcer said.

"No. I'm putting my foot down. Two minutes is not enough, and tonight I'm screwing my girlfriend," Jacob said.

"That's illegal, sir. Not until Barbara works another eight hours," the enforcer said.

"I said I'm screwing my girlfriend," Jacob said and started to walk upstairs. The enforcer grabbed Jacob's shoulder to stop him, and Jacob swung around and punched the enforcer, knocking him back.

"That's assault on an enforcer. You're under arrest, turn around with your hands in the air," the enforcer said and drew a gun.

Jacob put his hands up and slowly started backing up to his desk, where he kept his gun.

He quickly reached in the drawer and grabbed it, then shot the enforcer in the arm causing him to drop his gun and shout.

The enforcer attempted to lunge and regrab his piece, then Jacob tackled the enforcer and started throwing punches.

"I worked too hard for this. I'm screwing my girlfriend tonight. You can't stop me," Jacob shouted while continuing to punch the enforcer's face. The enforcer managed to knock Jacob off of him and stood up.

Jacob ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife.

"Put the knife down, sir. You're only making things worse for yourself," the enforcer said.

"Yah, that's not going to happen. You're leaving my house. NOW," Jacob shouted.

Barbara came downstairs and said, "Jacob, whats going on?"

"Apparently the enforcer seems to think you need another eight hours before we can plow, so I kindly asked him to leave. He's not being a very good listener," Jacob said.

"That's only one more shift, honey. So why don't you put the knife down and we'll talk this through," Barbara said.

"Yah, no," Jacob said and gave the enforcer a wicked grin.

"Jacob, please. Just calm down," Barbara said. Jacob was slowly walking towards the enforcer with his knife.

"Why don't you take your girlfriends advice," the enforcer said.

The enforcer eyeballed his gun on the ground, but before he had a chance to grab it, Jacob lunged at the enforcer, thrusting the knife and cutting the side of his arm.

"Aaahhh", the enforcer shouted and ran out the door. Jacob chased after the enforcer, wildly swinging his knife in the air.

"That's right, don't come back," Jacob shouted. Jacob turned around and started walking back inside when a rock hit his head. He turned back around to see the enforcer with another rock in his hand.

"I called for backup. I will not let you break the laws of capitalism," the enforcer said.

"Oh, is that so?" Jacob asked and started walking fast towards the enforcer. The enforcer threw the rock at Jacob's face, causing his nose to bleed. This only cause Jacob to run faster. Jacob lifted the knife in the air and attempted to stab the enforcer. The enforcer managed to knock it out of Jacobs hand. Jacob took a swing at the enforcer with his other hand, and managed to knock the enforcers hood off.

"Good to finally see your face," Jacob said.

"Now you'll be charged with exposing an enforcer," the enforcer said.

"I don't care anymore. You people are monsters. Nobody can work this hard without some personal satisfaction. I need a goddamn release," Jacob screamed and took another swing.

The enforcer fell to the ground. Before he could get back up, Jacob climbed on top of him and started strangling him.

"All you had to do was let me screw my girlfriend," Jacob shouted as the life drained out of the enforcers face. When the enforcer stopped breathing, Jacob stood up and took a breath, and dusted his button down shirt off.

"What have you done?" Barbara said.

"Honey, I didn't know you were behind me. I'm so, so sorry. I just worked so hard, and for what? Please, forgive..." Jacob said as his eyes welled up. Barbara had put her fingers on his lips mid sentence.

"You don't have to explain. I don't think murder is ever the answer, but I understand why you did it. You did it for me. You did it for everyone who's sick of being controlled by greed and capitalism. The way things are now, they're... they're horrible?" Barbara said.

"Does this mean I'm still getting laid?" Jacob asked.

"Absolutely. I'm assuming he already called for backup?" Barbara said. Jacob nodded.

"Hurry upstairs, before they get here," Barbara said.

They rushed upstairs and enjoyed each other's company until more hooded enforcers had come to arrest them.

"You know the sentence for murdering an enforcer is five thousand hours hard labor and a thousand hours of unpaid overtime," One of the enforcers said as he was handcuffing them.He then shoved them to get them to walk and took them outside to his car.

"But I murdered the enforcer. Why are you arresting Barbara?" Jacob asked.

"She hasn't worked enough hours for pleasure. She's being charged with unauthorized sexual activity. That's eight thousand hours of hard labor,"

"Seriously. That's more then murder?" Barbara said.

"Yes, ma'am. Cheating the system is a serious offense, it could cause the whole economy to collapse," The enforcer said.

"That's ridiculous. Do we at least get conjugal visits?" Jacob asked.

"Sure, if you work enough hours," The enforcer said.

"Did you hear that, Barb? Good news, we might get conjugal visits," Jacob said and smiled.

"I heard. I can't wait," Barbara said.

They were both shoved into separate enforcer vehicles and taken to jail to await there day in court. They were each sentenced to thousands of hours of hard labor.

They had many discussions during there conjugal visits of escaping and starting a revolution against an unreasonable and unfair capitalist system, not that capitalism was ever really fair. They had eventually disappeared with the help of the people who had supported there cause, and many credited them with starting the new freedom from financial servitude revolution. This would eventually end capitalism and lead to a better, more fair system and a healthier way of life.

Copyright © November 6th, 2005 by Alex H. Mittelman. All rights reserved.