The Last Dance

No matter how many times you take yourself out of an equation, that sole memory will always remain. It's been five years since we shared our last dance on the frozen pond behind your mother's house, yet I've been playing the memory over and over again as if it had just occurred yesterday. It's been five years of me pleading for you to come back, of me pleading for your return.. and although I know you will never come back, I can't ever find myself to allow myself to move on. Five years. Five years since our last dance. The last time we held hands. The last time we shared a kiss. Dammit Claudia, why did you have to go? You promised me you'd stay. You promised me that you'd get better. You promised. We were supposed to grow old together. We had plans to grow old together, watching the sky change colors as you laid your head on my shoulder. You weren't supposed to end your story before the climax, Deb.

That last dance. The one on the frozen pond behind your mother's house. Was it planned? Was that exactly how you wanted me to remember you? Because it truly was a perfect way to end our story after five years; the delicate skating across the lake as you held onto my hand as I Want To Know What Love Is by Foreigner softly played from the phone in your back pocket.. the way you would laugh every time I'd slip and land on my butt every time we'd twirl around on the ice.. the way you pulled me in and held me close as you leaned in and kissed me right on the center of the ice. That was my favorite part. Although I had no idea in the moment, you always had to have known that would be our final kiss. Didn't you, Deb?

I still remember how confused I was during our goodbye. You were so emotional, tears falling down your cheeks, as we hugged. You never wanted to let me go but I told you I'll be back. I should've just held you. I should've just scooped you up and taken you with me. Why didn't I just keep you held in my embrace? Why didn't I just offer to stay the night? Maybe if I had stayed.. if I had just stayed there with you.. I would have been there when you went back to that pond. I could have stopped you when you broke the ice. If only I had just stayed.. if only I had just held you for longer..

That was our last moment. Our last memory. The last thing we've ever shared together. Deb, I'm so sorry. I wish I would've just stayed. I wish I could've been able to jump into the water after you and grab you before you took your last breath. I'm so sorry I failed you, Deb. If I was able, I would've brought you back in a heartbeat.

But I couldn't. I wasn't there. I wasn't able to save you. All we have now are the memories of us to keep me going. One day we will be able to meet again, and when that happens, I will remind you about our last dance and how special that entire night was for me.

Until next time, Deb. Goodbye.

Dan