The Integration

Upon opening my eyes to what at first appeared to be a sun lit blur, immediately grey skies emerged and cast a shadow across the room. "Hmmph, ofcourse. I'm not surprised anymore. As soon as Gem opens his eyes, that's when the light turns to dark." I used to have a theory on internal sunshine. I used to think that "internal sunshine" is what I had. That I was a self regenerating sunshine creating, blasting, blazing machine. I used to think that I could use it in these oppressive times as a light within. Yeah...no. What I wouldn't do just to...just to see her again. Amelia. If anything could be considered internal sunshine, it would be her. No, better yet, Amelia IS eternal sunshine.

I rose up out of my bed, reluctantly however, to begin this same old tired, lifeless routine. Again and again I must be silenced, again and again I must pay attention, I must be rigid, controlled, controlling, and detached. Again and again, I must tell myself that I do not have a heart, or feelings, or emotion, or depth, or intuition or connection. But...no matter how hard they insist on our programs...I still can feel. I still know I can feel because I am consciously making the effort to pretend like I don't. You should see their faces. Oh how they love to see us miserable, especially when we enjoy our misery, adapt to it and expect it. There's something different about me though, different than all the rest because...they enjoy the misery...I don't. Have these people ever known love? If I ever admit that I've been in love, I'd be telling my age. It's been so long ago. I clutched my heart locket, and could feel a pulsating light...and everytime I wear it (discreetly ofcourse, if they knew I had anything of sentimental value that resembled a heart my head would be on a platter) it gives me the strength I need to endure the suicidal life of The Integrated.

It's funny. We are called The Integrated, but integration is that last thing we are. If anything, we are separated, murderous, disconnected, heartless and delusioned by the teachings of The Supernals. The Supernals...self righteous, despicable, and intolerable creatures. Yet, they are now the superior race. They look human yes...but what humans do you know that use scientific evidence to support the function of hate and murder as a much needed integration to ensure the survival of the fittest? I truly believe they concocted the evidence from their own planet through experiments and used their magic tricks and manipulation to distort our reality...and then make us believe it. Their theory is..."You can never know love...until you first know hate."

What's the evidence you say? Well...all of the people who are still alive today are those who you would call the high hanging fruit. The strong bodies, the beautiful faces, the talented, the gifted...the...attention seekers? I've known some of these people. They lived for admiration, attention and validation. If anyone would have told me that I'd be left alive with the same people who wouldn't know how to love themselves in private even if you were to put them in a room without doors or windows...they would still assume there is a camera around and put on a show. Yeah, it's them. The social media junkies. The ones who seem sweet but were almost for a lifetime, creating their own personal hell and narcissistic personality disorder. You'd be surprised what I've seen these people do to survive under the rulership of The Supernals. But then again...I'm here too. I know you're wondering, "Well if you're here, what did you have to do?" I've had to do the unthinkable. The things we do to survive...is not for the weak of heart. Have you ever?