The Eye of the Shark

Jasmine lived a safe life. A safe, boring life.

Her middle-class parents gave their three children the best life they could. Gene, the oldest, was the classic firstborn son who lived up to the high expectations set for him, becoming a doctor. The youngest, Crystal, had her wild period but emerged Valedictorian and joined the Navy after graduation. As the middle child, Jasmine often felt ignored and lost. She was an average student in high school and college, with no clue of what to do with herself.

Her embrace of the mediocre continued into her adult working life. She took a tedious job that she was overqualified for and accepted the inadequate salary that went with it. She met a man who was just as average as her in every way. They married, lived in a tiny, nondescript house, and after two years, he decided that he preferred men. She had to move back in with her parents, and while they were supportive, Jasmine felt they pitied her.

Her 30th birthday was approaching, and she was hoping that someone would plan a party for it. She felt her chest collapse when her parents told her they planned to visit relatives in another state for a week, and her sibling's plans did not include seeing her for her birthday. She mentioned it to her colleagues at work, and while they acted sympathetically, none seemed interested in even having a celebratory drink with her.

After a birthday weekend of solitaire and way too much ice cream, Jasmine called in sick Monday. She would mope and sleep all day and then drive to her favorite restaurant for dinner, only to discover that the restaurant was closed. Only her mother texted to wish her a happy birthday. She went home utterly defeated and alone.

Jasmine called in sick again Tuesday morning; she could not bear going into the office and lying about her weekend. She lay in bed, trying not to cry. “There’s always coffee,“ she said to herself. Coffee always made her feel better. She limped out of bed and into the kitchen and made herself an overly sweet mug of it. It did improve her mood, and she managed a smile as she watched a rabbit hop across the backyard and a bonded pair of cardinals share a perch on the birdfeeder.

“Everyone else is going somewhere. Maybe I should go somewhere too,” Jasmine said aloud. “It’s not like anyone would notice.” She felt her eyes water and her lips tremble when she said it, but she gulped down some more coffee, stood up straight, and took a deep breath.

“Maybe that means freedom.”

She marched down to the local travel agency. Jasmine had never traveled outside of the country and never traveled anywhere alone. However, now she was going to. She was going to step outside of her comfort zone. “Why the hell not?” She asked herself. She had played it safe her entire life, and if no one else thought her 30th was worth celebrating, she was going to make it memorable for herself.

The travel agent tried to narrow down a destination, but Jasmine realized how big the world was and how afraid she was of just about everything. It was one thing to see a world map, but it was another thing entirely to pick a place on it to go. Feeling that this consultation was hitting a wall, Jasmine held her head up and blurted out, “name an activity you would never picture me doing.”

Without hesitation, the agent answered, “shark-cage diving.”

Jasmine smiled. “Well, that’s what I’m going to do. Find the best place to do it that fits my budget, and book it.”

The agent, sensing that this was more of a desperate self-empowerment move than an actual desire, leaned in and asked, “are you sure? There are less intimidating things to do. You’ve already told me you don’t like to fly, are terrified of the sea, can’t swim, and don’t like boats. So I would be booking your trip, which requires all of those things, plus sharks. I just want you to be sure because if you back out, you won’t be able to get a refund.”

Jasmine laughed. “I know. Most women who experience a life crisis would get a bad haircut or have irresponsible sex with strangers. I want to do something dangerous, and the sharks can’t be any colder than the current people in my life. If I wet myself - which I’m sure I will - I can't tell if the sharks are laughing. I’m sure I wouldn't be the first, so I won’t be embarrassed.”

The agent was not sure what to say. She finally mumbled, “well, they’re larger than you think…”

“I couldn’t possibly feel smaller in my existence right now,” Jasmine replied with a chuckle.

The agent sat back and laughed. “Wow. Okay. Let’s do this.”

Jasmine threw up twice during the flight, much to the dismay of the businessman next to her. He leaned away from her, not attempting to hide his screwface. The first time she apologized but was so freaked out by actually being on a plane, there was no concern for his offense. The second time, she looked at him and shrugged. “First time flyer,” she said plainly. He shot her a dirty look and held his handkerchief to his nose. Usually, she would feel terrible, overdo the apologies or otherwise overcompensate for something out of her control. This time, she did no such thing. She wanted to laugh but thought it best to get some of the vomit out from between her teeth first.

She picked a hotel room that faced the ocean. Jasmine was afraid of the sea; however, she found it beautiful and calming. Living in a land-locked U.S. state, she had seen pictures of gorgeous beaches and deep blue water, feeling a moment of wonder and peace. This peace would be shattered by secondary thoughts of sharks, piranhas, jellyfish, killer whales, giant squids, anything that ever swam that had teeth or tentacles. Now, she was about to go on a boat on the ocean, and she was seeking out its apex predator.

“Goddamn, this boat is small.” When the crew members burst out laughing, she realized her inside voice was a belter. “Ah, Miss Davenport,” the captain said, extending his hand. I saw on your sheet that this is your first cage dive. Is this also your first time on a boat?”

Jasmine extended out her hand and gave a firm handshake. “No, sir. I’ve been on a big pontoon on a small lake, and I wasn’t crazy about it. It wasn’t a small boat on the Pacific looking for sharks.”

“Just think of it as a short dip in the pool.” The captain replied. “The cage is aluminum and sturdy enough to handle them. The sharks hate the way it tastes, so they’re not eager to chew on it. We’ll make sure that you come up intact and thrilled with the experience.”

The butterflies in Jasmine's stomach began to buzz with a fury that made her legs wobble. As the boat lurched further from the coast, the water got rougher, and so did the ride. She gulped down her seasickness pills, grit her teeth, and held on tight to the boat’s railing.

Jasmine felt a wave of nausea when they arrived at the dive spot that she beat back with sheer will. She was ready to go shark cage diving. Anxious thoughts tried to pull her into fear, but Jasmine wasn’t going to stand for it this time. She was more excited than terrified, and her body began to tingle all over. Her face was starting to cramp from her huge smile. If this is what risk-taking feels like, she regretted not doing it more often.

The diving suit and the snorkel equipment were uncomfortable. The bars on the cage seemed to get thinner the longer Jasmine looked at them. When they lowered the empty cage into the water, she realized there was no turning back.

Jasmine looked at the ocean, which had calmed down. She gasped when she saw a couple of dorsal fins cut through the water. “Yeah, there are quite a few out there,” the captain said, nodding with approval. The three other people that came to cage dive were pointing and giggling, almost afraid to make too much noise.

One of the crew members began to throw out a small amount of chum into the water, and the Captain yelled, “Everyone, it’s time to dive! Again, two people at a time, and we’re going to let you stay down there for 20 minutes. Everyone will get at least two dives in. Are we ready?” He then said, “Miss Davenport, Mr. Thomas, you two will go first.”

Without hesitation, Jasmine walked to the boat’s edge, helped into the cage by crewmen. The second her body became enveloped in the cool water, she had to fight off a panic attack while adjusting to breathing through the snorkel. When the men's hands released her, she submerged herself in the water, adapting to the view through the goggles while her cage companion was lowered in next to her. A crewman tossed a little more chum in the water.

They bobbed in silence for a while, and then it came into view. A Great White Shark. Jaws himself.

She could not tell how far away it was, but it had lined up and was swimming slowly towards the cage. Her companion had enough and pushed himself up to the top of the cage to get out. Jasmine did not move.

The shark swam right up to the bars and bumped it with its nose. Its mouth was about as wide as Jasmine was tall. It turned sideways, and its colossal eye stared at her. Time froze. Then it thrust itself away from the cage, snatching a piece of chum.

More sharks crept up to the cage, checking it out, all of them peering into Jasmine's underwater cell. If they wanted to eat her, they did not seem interested in biting through the metal to do it. She reached out, letting her hand slide across another shark that got close. The exhilaration she felt at keeping these master killers at bay awakened something in her. If actual sharks couldn’t get to her, why was she allowing the human sharks to do it? Those human sharks that chewed her up and spat her out, that treated her as if she was nothing. That abused her trust, her knowledge, her generosity, her tenderness. She would no longer be anyone’s “chum.”

After the trip, Jasmine quit her job and got a better one. She later rented an apartment, easily affordable with her new salary. She learned to swim, lost some bad habits, and gained a newfound respect for herself and her life. Everyone took notice and wanted to absorb some of this new energy exploding from her pores. But she no longer cared what they thought and was keeping all that newfound vibrancy to herself.

A few months later, she was on a plane for her first skydive, reveling in that tingling sensation coursing through her body. It was the same feeling she had during the shark dive trip that changed her life. She smiled and slid her fingers across the shark tattoo on her arm, then jumped out of the plane into her future, finally fearless.