The Death Wish

Sarah cried when she woke up and found Tommy had left. No anti= depressent could erase the sorrow. He sent her a letter a few weeks later. He was off the pills. He had tried to warn her that they were addictive, that when you went off them you had withdrawals. He was angry that doctor would have put him on a medication that was addictive. A friend of his had weened him off the drug. Sarah found the information hard to believe. Her doctor would not put her on an addictive drug he was a medical professional. She found his letter totally unbelievable. She was very surprized that he was giving her the house. He said if she went off the medication and got her act togather she could give the house back to him. In his letter, he predicted if she kept seeing this doctor, she would need the house because they would soon tell her that she couldn't work. His doctor friend had told him this. She laughed when she read this. He was obviously delusional. She found herself wondering if he still needed the medication.

She was happy, putsing around her house doing nothing. He was reminding her of her career dream. She laughed, who needed dreams she had the Kelly Clarkson show. She was learning about all the movie stars and the housewifes of Atlanta. Soon she forgot his letter, lost in a maze of tv shows, but one day something happened to shock her out of her senses She had been going to a piano bar. She had seen a man there that looked familiar. It looked like the security guard from the clinic where she saw her doctor The next time she went to the piano bar the staff kicked her out, they said she was crazy. She had been shocked. Too shocked to cry. She mentioned it to her doctor. She felt her medical conditions should be kept private. Her doctor seemed to miss the point, He kept talking about stigma. She had tried again to explain to him that people she hadn't shared it with shouldn't know about her medical records. Again he started talking about stigma.

After that session, she decided not to go back. It was her life it was her role to decide who should know about her life. She felt sort of lost. Should she stay on the medication? The meds weren't the problem. It was a privacy issue She started to take her meds every other day, She was surprised she did not get depressed but she did have more motivation. She was no longer glued to the television, And Tommy was wrong she did not get physically ill. She kept wondering why an antidepressant would make her participate less in life. Wasn't it supposed to do the opposite? She was sad that she couldn't go back to the piano bar especially since now she was really enjoying the music more. Her body rhythm changed when she reduced how often she took the prosaic,, She was amazed. She wondered what all that tiny little writing said that came with the pills was Nobody could see let alone read it. But it must say alot.

Tommy called. He was worried. He wanted to know if she had gone off the medication. She explained to him what had happened. She told him she felt more motivated once she reduced the medication, and she had stopped seeing their doctor, She told Tommy "I was talking about privacy and all he could talk about was stigma" I bet people I don't know even know about my medical conditions, it is not right" He seemed to relax. In his heart he prayed that she would take control of her life again. The first step was getting the doctor out of her life. Family doctors could write these perscriptions but he really felt she didn't need then. Her doctor kept calling but she did not answer it. He wanted her to attend workshops on stigma. She got angrier and angrier each time she heard the messages. She smiled she was getting her anger back. Lately she had been such a pushover. Better to be a bitch than a patsy.