The Bionic Drama Lab

Passing through this life so high, unable to touch the big blue sky. In and out of this life of mine, drama always happens when I’m persuaded by a fun coworker of mine. Like a microbiologist I work on the insides, looking for a trench of darkness that I cannot hide. Hidden in plain sight with no arms to bear, a constant fight by telephone forgetting who said what, wear.

Down the rabbit hole, I plunge in deep, as if traveling to international waters with a shoe no ID. Fighting through it all enough is enough, my self-worth isn’t this darkness because it’s all fluff. This mental game has gone too far, need to make myself believe, that I am not this dark drama. This drama inside is a moment of clarity and not to feel like a hopeless charity. I escaped the dark and sore to new heights, out of this death lab called life.

When the rainstorms down and you are left in silence. Nothing but the boom of the storm and the honking of the cars. You lay at your little desk. An office of some sort. Ponding the boredom of life. Here is where it’s easiest to fall. So quick to cater to negative, intrusive thoughts. Being ok feels like you’re doing nothing. Doing the minimum or staying stable. The urge or lust for more also creeps up. Sometimes it does it at an enormous rate. Looking back at past experiences for no reason, remembering old fights that once made you mad. Opening up wounds that were already healed. All these possibilities and then some and for what, because you can’t handle the act of being ok.

At times, even when it feels like forever, you come to acknowledge that being ok with just doing your inconsistent manor is really okay. You don’t need to overthink or look back at anything just because nothing is going or life at the moment seems mundane. Anxiety likes to take advantage of us all the time because paranoia makes us question what’s not really there. When everything is fine and dandy, there should be something going on. Paranoia tries to scare us into things unnecessary resulting in our own destruction.

When we reach out to others in this state, the main course of action is to bring you out of the darkness. Like most interactions, this is true and fair. What comes to more concern is the repetition of it all. Having to go through the mental struggles on your own that over time you are your own worst enemy. Potentially driving loved ones away while losing faith and trust in your own being. Contradicting your life and your choices. This makes getting help from family and friends more difficult than realized.

Being ok is okay. Give yourself a break. You are doing your best with what you have. You can relax when things are calm and settled. Part of being ok with yourself is acknowledging your faults and your strengths. Understanding the faults that hinder you while using your strengths to your advantage while enhancing them. A lot of times what makes someone great is the consistency they put into their life. The effort they put into themselves where confidence and respect for themselves are grown and nurtured. Not in a conceded way but in a way where self-care and self-love are your own priority. Weigh in the pros and cons for choices that can drive you nuts. Keeping consistent with beneficial acclamations not only validates your being but ultimately solidifies the foundation of growth. So remember, being okay is ok.