The BA Meeting

Audio: Deep Blue BA Meeting #324

Transcribed: July 1, 2021

[00.00]

Amahle: Good evening everybody. Hello there, I’m Amahle and I am the counsellor that will take us through tonight’s group session. So, to start off this week’s Biters Anonymous meeting, I would like to thank you and to welcome you all for making it down tonight, especially with the terrible weather we’ve been having. And I’d like to give a very warm welcome to the new face in the room. Would you like to introduce yourself?

Silence

Amahle: Ok, that’s no problem at all, you only need to speak if you want to speak. I’ll tell you what, I’ll go first. My name’s Amahle, and as you can see I’m a Bull Shark. I’ve been clean for 7years now, but not a day goes by that I don't think about biting. I used to be into it deep, real deep. I was young and crazy, and I managed to find my way in with the wrong crowd. I had a huge ego, and I thought this was the way to take control of my life. It didn’t take long before I found myself in a hole that I couldn’t get out from. I would bite simply for the hell of it. I didn’t care who I hurt, or if I got hurt. All I ever thought about was the next time. Until I found BA. And now, with the steps, I’m off of it, and trying to help others achieve the same thing. Thank you.

Small Applause

Amahle: Thankyou. Ok, let’s move on. Would anybody else like to speak?

Short Silence

Imka: I will.

Amahle: Brilliant. The floor is yours.

Imka: Cheers. So hey guys, my name’s Imka, and I’m a Great White. I’ve been coming here for quite some time now, as some of you know. So yeah, I had a good stint a few months ago, I’d been bite clean for 3 or 4 months after my last attack, but I know I’m getting bad again now. I can feel it. My urges are returning stronger than ever before. I feel I haven’t stopped the beast, simply held it at bay.

Amahle: Ok, and can you describe these thoughts that make you want to go back to your old ways?

Imka: The last one was just the other day. I was swimming past High Point Bay, towards my usual feeding ground, when I sensed that there were humans close by in the water, towards the shore. Instantly my heart started racing, and I began to salivate. My body tensed and I stopped swimming. I could taste them again. I started to have flash-backs to the last bite I’d had. The pleasure I got from that hunt has never been met since. The joy I got from stalking such easy prey, the unknowing that I was even there. I remember the look of shock striking through their minds as I charged at them, jaws wide open, ready to take the first bite.

I got a euphoric rush when I latched on. They were wearing a pink swimming cap and didn't see me come up from beneath them. You know they don’t live in water right? They are terrible swimmers. They are painfully bony, and actually taste horrendous, but I got such joy, such amusement, watching that thin skin rip like wet paper, and the blood pour out from their pathetic, weak body. It was magnificent. But, do you know what gave me the greatest pleasure? It was as I started to pull them deeper, the point in which they finally gave up the hope of a miracle, and looked through the bloodied water into my eyes, and I got to see the light drain from theirs.

Silence

Arno: What the fuck is wrong with you?

Amahle: I know you’re new here Sir, but we do not pass judgement on others' struggles. Do you understand?

Arno: I'm sorry, I just can’t believe he could be so...

Imka: Hold on a fucking second there buddy. I'm sharing my story here. Besides, I got the urge, but I didn’t follow it through. If you’d have let me finish, I’d have told you that I stopped swimming, did a few circles whilst I calmed myself down and talked myself through the steps. Then I went home to my wife and kids. The end. Anyway, if you’re so perfect, let's hear what you have to say.

Arno: Your wife is still with you?

Imka: Not that it’s anything to do with you, but yes. Just.

Arno: I wish mine was. Ok. I’m sorry for chastising you. I spoke out of turn. Sorry.

Imka: That’s fine, but I still want to hear your story.

Arno: Fair enough. So I’m Arno and I’m a Hammerhead.

(Whole Group): Hello Arno

Arno: Hi. So, this is my first BA meeting, a place that I never, in a million years, thought I’d be. I’ve only ever bitten someone once. I’ve never considered myself violent or aggressive before, and my whole life I’ve been so laid back I’m practically horizontal. But something terrifying happened the other day. I bit someone. I don’t know why, I don’t know where, I don’t really know how. But I did it, and now I’m scared to my core that I’m going to do it again.

Amahle: Thankyou Arno. Can you please tell us a little bit more perhaps? Say, what did you feel at the time, or what do you feel now? Only if you want to, of course.

Arno: I’m not sure what made me do it. I’ve managed to swim right by people in shallow water before. I wasn’t even hungry! I..I..I just...something just came over me. My brain switched off and as I drifted by their legs, a new me took over, like an extra personality that I didn't know I had, and I took a horrific bite, before darting off. It took a few seconds before I heard them scream. Oh sweet Jesus, the screams. I still hear them in my nightmares. I wake up in the night with my ears ringing and the sweat dripping off me. Imka is right, they don't taste good, but I chewed down on that fleshy piece of thigh and greedily inhaled the whole thing. It wasn’t until I’d taken the final swallow that I came round to my senses. I couldn't believe what I’d done. A large part of me wanted to swim back and help, but I could still hear the wailing and the crying, and I knew that if I went back I’d be the next in line for the fin soup. I don't know if they lived or died. The immense guilt I felt when I got home broke me down, it was completely unbearable. I confessed to the wife, and without an ounce of hesitation she just packed up her stuff, grabbed the kids and went to her mums. Can’t blame her. Her ex was a biter, and she married me because she believed I was better than that. I should be better than that. Looks like we were wrong.

Short Silence

Amahle: It’s completely normal to feel aspects of guilt and self loathing at such early stages of the process. The reason you’re here is because you want to be better, and that's something. We have all experienced a similar path. Biting hurts us all, in many different ways. But you’re already getting better. Everyday now.

Arno: I know, I know… I just can’t believe she left me

Imka: Come on man, hold yourself together. It’s early days yet. My wife went ape-shit when she found out what I’d been doing. She threatened me with all kinds of things, and we’re managing to get it back together. If we can do it, you guys can too.

Amahle: Well said.

Mandla: Yeah, come on. It’ll figure itself out, everything does.

Arno: Thanks. Thank you all. Wow, you’re all so nice, I’m definitely coming back next week. Maybe us sharks aren't so bad after all?

Amahle: Nobody's perfect Arno, and it takes a few slip ups to see that. Now then, Mandla. Would you like to speak now? Sorry. Thank you for sharing Arno. A great first session. Mandla?

Mandla: Of course I will. Hey folks, I’m Mandla, I’ve been coming to these things for just a few weeks, when I realised I had a problem that couldn't be fixed with biting. It simply just distracted me from dealing with it.

Arno: Sorry to interrupt, but what sort of shark are you?

Mandla: Ah yes, sorry, I’m a Tiger Shark. You see, I used to hate people. I used to hate everything about them. It all started on 18th December 2019, when me and my fiance were out fishing on a beautiful evening up near Madagascar. It was a glorious time, the water was warm and our bellies were full. We were just starting to swim home, when she was caught up in a net and hoisted aboard a colossal ship. The seconds passed, followed by the minutes. I didn’t know what to do, or how to help her. She was in need of my protection, and she had been taken to the one place I couldn't go. Suddenly, a splash came from above. Something long and sleek was slowly drifting down from the surface. As she drew closer, I could see it was her. Then I smelt it. Blood. Her blood. As she glided past, I recoiled in horror. The bloody bastards had cut her fins off! Her beautiful fins, gone. She was gorgeous even on a bad day, and particularly fond of her fins. I swam alongside her all the way to the bottom, I wanted to tell her hwat she meant to me, and how much I loved her, but she was already dead before she hit the ocean floor. So I swore from that day on, I would avenge her death and destroy the lives of as many humans as possible, just in the same way they had destroyed ours.

Long Silence

Inka: You see this is the thing! It’s not just our lives, It’s our lover’s lives, it’s our homes, our friends' homes, our food, our clean water, everything! There’s less fish in the seas, there’s more boats, more pollution! Oil spills, fin soup and family members drowning in discarded nets on the way home from a hard days work.

Amahle: Come on now guys, let's remember why we…

Inka: What? So we can avoid hurting them? When they cause so much more pain?

Arno: They have a point Amahle, I feel bad for what I’ve done, but I don’t like them either...

Mandla: Exactly! They have the audacity to come out here, and attempt to barge us aside from our platform at the top. As if the land above isn’t big enough.This is our home!

Inka: They don’t even want to co-exist. They’re looking for an extinction! Well I for one am not going without a fight!

Mandla: Here we are trying to be better, going through the stupid steps, but maybe we are doing it wrong. Maybe we should show them just how bad we really can be...

Inka: Let's not hang around then. I know just the place.