The Agreeable Little Turtle

It was a very chaotic time. I know in that book you all read, they cover it in about 8 or 9 paragraphs. But the truth is, the first six days of creation took forever. There was a lot of standing in line for hours only to find the clerk was going on their lunch break. There was endless paperwork; they really hadn’t perfected the pen yet, and the invention of white-out was years away. You can imagine the problems that arose, especially in the Department of Evolution. They were severely understaffed. The complaint box was overflowing. Morale was pretty low, and a lot of angels were beginning to question God’s plan. God said it would be filled with delightful creatures they could play with, but so far, there was nothing delightful about these loud, smelly…things. In fact, most of them were quite demanding, and a few were downright rude.

The Hall of Creation was an imposing building at the edge of reality. It had towering columns and a huge, vaulted ceiling. Some said it was made to be intimidating on purpose, that maybe they were trying to deter the animals from coming to make requests. They certainly didn’t make it easy to get to. The directions were nearly impossible to follow, as nothing had been named yet. It was a very crude map; everything looked the same. But, still, the animals found their way.

And now, those animals were impatiently standing in a line that seemed to snake for miles through the halls. Just when they thought they were getting to the front, a velvet rope attached to a stanchion would send them around a corner to another hall filled with more stanchions and more ropes and more animals who were more impatient and even louder than those in the hall before it. As I said, a very chaotic time. If it weren’t for ropes and stanchions, I don’t know if we would have made it through.

Don’t get me wrong, the animals had every right to be impatient. Afterall, most of them were there as reluctant ambassadors to their species. They had been voted in by their peers and tasked with convincing some very cranky angels to change this or that. A lizard with a bright red mullet was explaining to the guy behind him in line that hair was just too hot for the sweltering, sticky climates they lived in, and the color made it impossible to sneak up on flies. The flies were complaining that they had too many predators and only two eyes. It seemed unfair. Perhaps there should be some sort of universal predator-to-eyeball ratio. In the next hall over, a caterpillar felt she was doomed to a life of anxious boredom, just waiting to be some bird’s next meal. That caterpillar was an excellent negotiator because boy, did she secure a good deal for herself and her friends. The platypus, on the other hand, was not such a smooth talker. It was their fourth time in line. Every time they went home, they were sent back with another revision. There were some whispers that maybe they’d had a little too much work done, but I say if they’re happy, to heck with those whispers.

Speaking of standing in line more than once, at the very end of the line was a little green guy with the largest, and unfortunately, most inconvenient ears you’ve ever seen on a turtle. His name was Archibald, and it was his second time in line. The first time, he made it to the front, but he was in the aquatic line. He assumed that was where he belonged because he spent so much time in the water, but it turned out he was a reptile and had to start all over in the land animal line. He didn’t mind. Archibald was really enjoying his adventure. He loved the trek there. He loved talking to all the other creatures. He loved the Hall of Creation. He thought it was the most wonderful building he’d ever seen. It was actually the only building he’d ever seen, but he just knew it was the best.

Archibald was a very agreeable turtle. He was happy with the way things were going. He and his turtle friends lazed about in the sun most days, warming themselves by the water. Earlier, he’d overheard someone in the aquatic line call it a lake. He thought that was a really nice word. "Lake." He thought most things about his new life were nice, except of course, for his ears.

He didn’t like to complain. He appreciated how well he could hear. All the turtles did. It was just that their ears were SO big, they couldn’t fit them in their shells. All night long, they heard every owl that hooted, every cricket that chirped, and every coyote that howled. They simply couldn’t sleep. When they found out some of the other animals were heading to the Hall of Creation, they quickly held a vote, and the agreeable little turtle was on his way.

And so, Archibald made his way through the line, chatting the whole way with new friends who were also hoping to improve upon their current situations. When he finally made it to the front, the angel at the window was just about to put up her “closed” sign. Archibald scrambled up to the glass as quickly as he could, which wasn’t very fast, and politely asked, “Um, excuse me, do you know when you’ll be opening again? Will it be tomorrow?”

The angel, not really paying attention, waved him off and replied, “I don’t know. I think we’re closed tomorrow.”

Archibald was confused. “But why? What is tomorrow?”

The angel thought about it and then shrugged, “Huh…I don’t know. What comes after day six?”

Archibald didn’t know either, but he did know that he didn’t want to wait to find out. There was no way he would get any sleep in that big, echo-y hall with all those other animals talking. “I don’t know either, but do you think you could help me before you close? I’m just so tired…I”

“Ha! You and me both, buddy. I haven’t slept since God started this whole mess.”

“Oh,” replied a very dejected Archibald, “I understand.” He turned around and began shuffling back to the front of the line.

Perhaps for the first time that day, the angel looked down to see whom she’d been talking to. Something about the way he responded was so kind and respectful.

She immediately felt bad for dismissing him and called out, “Hey…wait.”

Archibald turned around, and the angel saw the face of the cutest little turtle with the most ridiculous ears she’d ever seen. It was actually the only face of any turtle she’d ever seen, but she was sure he was the cutest. She instantly wanted to help him. “Um,” she said, “I’m not sure what I can do because everything is already shut down, but give me a second to get my things, and I’ll meet you out front.”

Archibald perked up. He was going to get to hang out with an angel?! Oh man, what a great adventure this was turning out to be! Feeling like the luckiest turtle in the world, he nodded enthusiastically and zipped away as fast as he could (which really wasn’t very fast) to the front of the building. He didn’t even notice that he’d just lost his spot in the front of the line.

Outside, the angel was much bigger than expected. She’d been sitting behind the counter, and the customer service window hid most of her wings. She was so tall, Archibald had to strain to look up at her face. He was so small that she had to squint to see him, but she could tell that he was painfully craning his neck, so she sat down to make it easier on both of them. When Archibald looked into her eyes, he felt instantly at ease despite her looming figure.

One hundred twenty-six silent seconds went by. They just sat and stared at each other. He was stunned by her size, her presence, her…everything. Meanwhile, she was finally starting to feel a glimmer of hope. This little creature was delightful, and for the first time, she thought maybe she could see what God had been talking about. They both realized that neither had said a word yet and began giggling nervously, which turned into full-on, gut-busting, tear-jerking laughter for no reason at all.

When they finally quieted down, the angel wiped away a tear and said, “GOD did I need that!”

Archibald jumped up. “Me too! I don’t even know what for, but I loved it!”

The angel looked down at her new friend and introduced herself, “I’m Phabeus, Department of Evolution, Land Animal Division, Customer Experience Agent at your service.”

“Woooooooooow. I don’t know if I can remember all of that. I’m just Archibald,” said Archibald.

“You can call me Phabeus. So, what do you need help with?”

Archibald explained to her the problem he and all his turtle friends were having with their ears and how he ended up there. Phabeus listened intently. She knew if he followed all the proper channels and got all the correct forms and filled them out perfectly, he would probably get it all sorted out, but that could take a long time. She wanted to make it easier. He’d been so sweet and patient and told her the whole story as if it were the best thing that ever happened to him. She’d never seen such gratitude and joy. It was infectious.

“Can I take you back to Angel Estate? The others need to meet you and maybe one of them knows of a faster way to help you.”

“YES! REALLY? Yes. I mean, yes please. Thank you!” He was so excited that he couldn’t get the proper words out.

“Okay, great! Let’s go.”

So, the angel and the agreeable, little turtle headed to Angel Estate.

At Angel Estate, Archibald was the bell of the ball. Phabeus introduced him to all her friends. They were very curious and interested to know all about him. Most of them instantly loved him just as she did. That same hope sprung up in them- maybe this Earth thing could actually be fun.

The dinner bell rang, and they had to go to the Great Hall for their end of day meal with God. Phabeus snuck Archibald into her pocket, making sure he could reach the top to see everything. The other angels thought he looked adorable peeking out. They couldn’t stop looking and giggling all through dinner. At first, God thought they were just excited about the upcoming day off. But as the meal went on, it was clear there was something else happening.

“Alright, what is going on down there?” asked God. It was obvious Phabeus was at the center of the commotion. Every time someone looked at her, they broke out into laughter. “Phabeus, what are you doing? Please stand up.”

She quietly stood up, looking down while trying to keep a straight face. All the other angels sat up straight and tried to look innocent, but Archibald was too excited. He climbed over the top of Phabeus’s pocket to try to get a better look, but the fabric was loose. He fell forward, tumbled out head over heels, and landed on his back right onto a dinner plate. He began uselessly waving his legs in the air to try to flip over, but it just made him spin uncontrollably on the slippery plate. Any chance the angels had of keeping their composure flew out of the window at the sight of the break-dancing turtle. They fell out of their chairs hysterically laughing, clutching their bellies.

God stood up, walked to the end of the table and upon seeing the spectacle on the dinner plate, also broke into a laugh that, to Archibald, sounded like pure love and joy. He felt himself being lifted and was gently placed upright on the table. “Now, who do we have here?” asked the booming voice of God.

“I’m Archibald!” He was shocked at how bravely he’d said it, but there was no fear to be felt around this being.

Phabeus jumped in and tried to clear everything up. “He’s a turtle and his ears and we closed and he was tired and I was tired and he was sad and he was so nice and I brought him here to meet everyone and to see if there was a way to help him and then dinner and then he fell and then you…well,” she trailed off. “Can you help him?”

God chuckled, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Archibald. You’ve caused quite a commotion. I think I got all that. It’s your ears that you are having an issue with?”

Archibald nodded.

“I understand the predicament you’re in, but I hope you can understand mine,” said God, “We have millions of creatures just like you on Earth, and I’m afraid I can’t play favorites. There’s a process that needs to be followed and as much as I would love to help you right now, you must go through the proper channels, just like everyone else.”

Archibald’s heart broke at the thought of his angel adventure ending and having to go stand back in line, but he knew in his gut that it was the fair thing to do. He nodded and sheepishly looked up to Phabeus. “I don’t know how to get back. Will you help me?”

Phabeus’s heart also broke, and she was fighting back tears, feeling so guilty for giving him hope, for making him lose his place in line, for putting him through all this, just to disappoint him. She couldn’t look him in the eye, but she nodded.

“You can wait until the morning to leave,” said God, “It was lovely to meet you, little Archibald. I’m sorry we couldn’t be of more help.”

The rest of the angels choked back tears and somberly finished their meals.

That night, Phabeus placed a small box on her nightstand and plucked a few of her own, soft feathers to make a bed for Archibald. She tried not to cry in front of him but couldn’t hold back anymore. Bursting into tears, she buried her face in her pillow to hide her sobs from her new turtle friend. He could hear her, though, and climbed out of his feather bed onto her pillow and sat by her head.

“Don’t cry, please,” he whispered, “I’m not sad. Well, that’s not true. I am, but I’m not sorry. This was so wonderful meeting you and all the angels and God. I had such a great adventure. I’d stand in a hundred lines to do this all over again. Thank you for bringing me here.”

The angel was in awe of the little turtle’s attitude. “I’d stand in a hundred lines to hang out with you, too,” she whispered back. And they fell asleep, dreaming of adventure.

The next morning, Phabeus rolled over and gasped. Archibald was gone. Well, not gone-gone, but she couldn’t see his head. There was just a shell where he’d been lying.

His little face popped out, startled by her gasp. “What’s wrong!?” he exclaimed.

“Your head was gone! Your face was missing! YOUR EARS!”

“My ears? What are you talking about?”

She grabbed him and ran to the mirror. “Your ears are gone!”

Archibald looked in the mirror and sure enough, where there once were large, inconvenient ears, there was now nothing, just smooth reptilian skin. He squealed with joy and popped his head in and out of his shell. “It’s amazing! Look! Loud. Quiet. Loud. Quiet. I love it so much! Oooh, it feels so safe in here! How did this happen?”

Just then, there was a knock on the door. “God wants to see you!” one of the other angels yelled through the door.

Still holding Archibald, Phabeus ran to God’s office and threw the door open. “You changed your mind!”

God smiled and said, “Yes. I did. While we were cleaning up dinner, the other angels were so sad. I recalled how joyous they had been just a short while earlier and realized they love you. They really love you, and I saw the hope you brought into their lives. I hadn’t seen the angels that happy since…well, since before. I thought that anyone who can make that big of a difference just by being himself surely deserves something special.”

“Oh, thank you so much! Did you do this for all the other turtles too?”

“Of course, but there’s one more thing I have for you. Come closer.”

Phabeus brought Archibald over.

“Now, there are several types of turtles. What does your kind call themselves?”

“I guess we’ve been calling ourselves ‘sliders’ because we’re always sliding into the water.”

“Well, little slider, you deserve to stand out.”

God reached out and with glowing fingers, touched both sides of the turtle’s little head, leaving behind two beautiful, red marks where his ears used to be.

“From now on, you will be a red-eared slider, and everyone will know how special you are.

--------Epilogue-------

Phabeus and Archibald remained friends and still are to this day. Archibald joins the angels and God for dinner once a week at the Angel Estate where he’s a welcome reminder of the power of hope, laughter, and break-dancing.

And, now the next time you see a red-eared slider basking in the sun, be sure to tell them they have their great-great-great-great-great-great-great-oh, you get the point- grandturtle Archibald to thank for those gorgeous, red ears.