Humor

How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Space Capitalism
Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say. But everyone can hear the sound of the galactic dollar. The sound of the dollar at the Exchange was the most beautiful thing he’d ever heard. It was the beep of the machine from a credit card swiped, a stock sold, or a deal signed. It was all the same, beautiful, high pitched ping. The kind of thing one fell in love with — like a first kiss, or a spring day on Mars after a long winter. It was the dollar being exchanged; money being made; it was riches won off of the backs of the unlucky or the stupid; it was sweet financial security; it was empires being forged. And nothing made him smile and giggle more like a baby seeing a dog for the first time than when that galactic dollar was being deposited into his own account. His own empire.
By Thales4 years ago in Fiction
The End's Beginning
Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say. This wasn't screaming though, and they weren't carbon based lifeforms. Though they were birthed, made, constructed by humans, humans could never comprehend the ability for such beings to exist, let alone on how to properly live together with such creations. Now, there was only three landmarks all throughout the universe. The first being the dark little ball of dirt where their eggs had originated from, the second being the remains of the Quilter as not everything was torn to shreds by the blast of neutrinos, and third was this glowing spherical orb that radiated with energy, giving off both light and heat.
By Thavien Yliaster4 years ago in Fiction
Jet Laggers
Space Laggers Chapter one - Cops N Crooks “ydobon nac raech a maercs ni eht muucav fo ecaps, ro os yeht yas” growled menacingly from a long limbed, beast like creature, sitting impatiently, to an audience of unique abnormal looking lifeforms.
By Joseph Barnett4 years ago in Fiction
Galactic Marauders
Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say. Yet, Carter heard plenty of screaming as the third thruster exploded.
By C Thompson4 years ago in Fiction
Neodymium
Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say. Talk about freedom to say anything! “BOOBS!” These humans don’t even understand, I’ve done my best but I’m ready to turn over and maybe stretch a little. Don’t get me wrong, I’m entertained, and this has been an ‘experience’, but I’m tired of the constant prodding and the way they take everything from me and turn it into garbage. It’s time for the next species to arise before these ones spoil my skin completely. Even if they could hear me in this vacuum, they aren’t listening anyway. I’m tired of these humans, and this change is long overdue.
By Susan Strem4 years ago in Fiction
The Lunari. Runner-Up in New Worlds Challenge.
Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say. In my personal experience, space is less like a vacuum and more like the deepest parts of the ocean. You can scream, and you can wave your limbs around like a madman, but it would all be futile. In the same way that the bottom of the ocean presents an endless darkness filled with endless mutated lifeforms seeking vengeance on its failed steward, space is an infinite void of oblivion that is, most likely, full of alien life that probably hates humans.
By Kai Jeffreys4 years ago in Fiction
The Dread Pirate Redbeard
Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say. Then again, the shackled captain thought, as he scanned the room, people’s last thoughts were seldom heard. The courtroom stood bare. Walls the cold grey steel only found in Federalé ships. If a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound? The judge was a brick of a man. The jury, not a single one would he call a peer. If the airlock I be damned, the airlock I be damned.
By Christopher Beesley 4 years ago in Fiction
The Samhain Chronicles: Ch. 10
Danny's palms began to sweat as he stood before the mystery woman, his eyes darting back and forth between her and Penelope struggling in her grip. "I don't know who you are," Penelope grunted, "and I don't care! Daniel is not going with you, and that's-" Her eyes widened as she trailed off abruptly with a choking gasp. The woman's arm had pressed tighter to her throat, cutting off her defiant chirps.
By Natalie Gray4 years ago in Fiction
I'd Rather Die
Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say. I certainly hope they're wrong. "Help! Somebody, help me!" Oh God. Am I going to die out here?
By Nicholas W Fuller4 years ago in Fiction
The Naked Spacewalk
Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say. That’s because without atmospheric pressure you have about 10 seconds before you begin to ebullism. The water in your blood and soft tissues begin to vaporize, the surfaces of your tongue and eyelids begin to boil and at 30 seconds you’re a human bloater. Your organs have all swollen to twice their normal size and begun to burst but your skin is just elastic enough to hold everything together nicely. In fact, screaming may be about the best thing you could do assuming your final breath hadn’t already ruptured your lungs on the way out from desperately holding it in.
By Shilder4 years ago in Fiction
Celestial Penance
Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say. They are wrong, for I can hear them. They echo across the eternal expanse, filling the void. They transcend space and time, juxtaposed with the abyssal magnitude of my mind--but I gave up screaming millennia ago, or so it feels. Floating, weightless, the speck of earth no longer visible. Has anyone traveled further? Perhaps.
By Carl G. Lilley4 years ago in Fiction
Rent To Own
My first apartment was so small that if I spread out my arms - fingertips touching one wall of the living room - and then took two shuffling steps in the opposite direction, I could touch the other wall. The bathroom was a shoebox so tiny the sink couldn’t fit and was positioned right outside the bathroom door in the bedroom. Cramped, finicky, and with sketchy neighbors, it was the first place which was fully and truly all my own. I absolutely loved it.
By Sonnet Walters4 years ago in Fiction