Humor
Relative Waste of Time
"Time is relative; its only worth depends upon what we do as it is passing." - Albert Einstein. Every second that passes, is another second that could have been spent doing something worthwhile. Another moment where I could have used this beautiful body and mind of mine to do something that mattered. Instead, I'm sat here, letting the seconds tick by as the clock reminds me of my mortality.
By Paul Stewart2 years ago in Fiction
The Statue
Juan didn't feel like he was obsessive. He just recognised that he got comfort from watching her when he was away from her during the day. That if he wasn't able to return to view her during his breaks, he would feel unsettled and nervous. It never occurred to him that what he was doing was wrong. He was very much of the school of "What they don't know, won't hurt them."
By Rachel Deeming2 years ago in Fiction
Little Pigs
There are plenty of stories about pigs that are considered too small to make a real difference. They normally end up doing something great to get the attention that their small stature denied them. There was that one from a farm a little over a mile down the road. There, a pig named Baby avoids becoming dinner and aspires to become a sheepdog, or should I say a sheep pig. This was better than the other farm about a mile and a half in the other direction, where the pig did nothing at all. It was the spider who did all the work, but the pig became famous anyway. I have a pig story that you may not have heard before.
By David E. Perry2 years ago in Fiction
Neighbors and Nonsense: A Tale of Whiskey and Wagers
Once upon a time, in a small town nestled between rolling hills and babbling brooks, there was this guy named Jack. Jack was a big-time gambler, always winning at poker and making everyone else grumble. But he wasn't just any gambler; he was kind of a goofball, always finding himself in crazy situations. Now, Jack had some really wild neighbors living next door: the McAllister twins, Bob and Bill. These guys were total drama queens and loved two things: whiskey and making a scene. Every night, they'd down tons of whiskey and then start yelling and crying like it was the end of the world. One night, Jack was having a poker game at his place, and the McAllister twins were doing their usual noisy routine next door. But Jack just rolled his eyes and focused on his cards. As the night went on, the twins got even louder and weirder. There were tears, shouting, and at one point, Bob tried to sing to Jack's cat. Meanwhile, Jack and his buddies were cracking up, trying to keep playing. But right when Jack was about to win big, disaster struck. Bill crashed through the wall and wrecked the poker table, sending chips flying everywhere. It was chaos, but Jack couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous it all was. As Jack and his buddies tried to clean up the mess, there was a knock at the door. Jack groaned and went to see who it was, expecting more drama from the twins. But instead, it was Mrs. Jenkins, the cranky old lady from across the street. She was all flustered, saying she couldn't sleep because of the noise. Jack couldn't help but laugh. He promised to talk to the twins and make them chill out. So, he stomped over to their house and gave them a piece of his mind. Bob felt bad and promised to keep it down. Jack went back to his game, shaking his head at the craziness of it all. Despite the chaos, he knew he wouldn't trade his nutty neighbors for anything. They made life interesting, that's for sure. As Jack returned to his poker game, he couldn't help but chuckle at the absurdity of it all. Despite the chaos and the constant drama, he wouldn't trade his eccentric neighbors for anything in the world. After all, life in their little corner of the world was anything but boring, and Jack wouldn't have it any other way. As the night wore on, the poker game resumed, albeit with a few interruptions from the occasional thud or shout coming from the McAllister twins' house. But Jack and his friends took it all in stride, laughing and joking as they played. Just as Jack was starting to rack up some serious winnings, there was another knock at the door. This time, it was Bob McAllister, looking sheepish and apologetic. "Hey, Jack, it's me again," Bob said, scratching the back of his head nervously. "I just wanted to say sorry for crashing through your wall earlier. Bill and I were just having a bit too much fun, you know?" Jack couldn't help but smile at Bob's sincerity. "No worries, Bob. These things happen," he said, clapping his neighbor on the back. "Just try to keep it down a bit, okay? Mrs. Jenkins is about ready to march over here with a broomstick if you guys don't quiet down." Bob chuckled sheepishly. "Yeah, I'll talk to Bill about that," he said, giving Jack a grateful nod before heading back to his own house. With the McAllister twins finally settling down for the night, Jack and his friends were able to finish their poker game in peace. And as the dawn broke over the horizon, illuminating the small town with its golden light, Jack couldn't help but feel grateful for the colorful characters that made up his little corner of the world. For in the end, it was the laughter, the camaraderie, and the shared moments of absurdity that made life truly worth living. And as Jack gathered up his winnings and bid farewell to his friends, he knew that he wouldn't have it any other way. As he stepped out into the crisp morning air, a smile played at the corners of his lips. For in a town filled with colorful characters and quirky neighbors, there was never a dull moment. And for Jack, that was all part of the charm. And though the McAllister twins may have been a handful, Jack wouldn't have had it any other way. After all, what's life without a little drama and a lot of laughs? ---- I'm feeling enthralled, I don't know what's amusing me. Pheww. Hopefully it's all good. Give a Like, say something. Subscribe according to your desire. See you later.
By Chuks Gad Nwaigwe2 years ago in Fiction
Twisted Tale: Hansel & Gretel. Top Story - April 2024. Content Warning.
“Go! Go into the woods and never come back! The Queen would have you killed by someone else, even if I don’t do it!” The Huntsman’s words kept ringing in Snow White’s ears as she ran haphazardly through the woods. Where would she go? Where would she hide? How would she survive? All those thoughts ceased when she spotted a cottage. Relief washed over her. There was something very peculiar about this cottage, though. It was very colourful. As she got closer, she gasped. The cottage was made out of cakes and chocolates! She wanted to break off a piece of the window pane to see if the chocolate was real but decided against it. Instead, she knocked on the door. “Hello, is anyone home? I was wondering, are these real? Would it be okay for me to eat some?” The door slowly swung open to reveal a girl around the age of twelve. “Would you like to eat with us?” “Oh, that sounds absolutely delightful! I hope I’m not imposing. My name is Snow White. What’s yours?” “I’m Gretel and –”, she opened the door wider to reveal a boy, “– that’s my brother, Hansel. Only both of us live here.” “Oh my, you poor little things! Would it be okay if I stayed here and took care of you both? I can clean, I can cook –” Hansel interrupted her, “You don’t have to cook.” He pointed at the kitchen door. “You can go anywhere in this cottage except the kitchen. If you agree to that, you can stay with us.” Snow White found that weird but agreed as she was grateful to have a place to stay. ~~~~~ That night, Snow White heard noises from the kitchen. She thought there were intruders, so she went to check. She tried to open the kitchen door but it was locked. So she peeped through the keyhole and what she saw scarred her for life. Hansel pushed Gretel head first into the oven and lifted up her skirt. He then proceeded to pound her hard from the back. Snow White was horrified but still watched until both Hansel and Gretel reached a Happy Ending. The End. __________________________________________ Author's Notes: This story (366 words) was written for L.C. Schäfer's Fucked Up Fairytales Challenge. It takes place after Gretel pushed the witch into the oven and killed her but instead of returning to their cottage after that, Hansel and Gretel stayed in the witch's cottage. Snow White found this cottage instead of the Seven Dwarf's cottage.
By Dharrsheena Raja Segarran2 years ago in Fiction
The Christmas Party
“Good evening, I'm Muire Geoghan for RTÉ's general election results special coverage, and we can confirm at the current count the next government will most likely be formed by the recently created Christmas Party, led by... Santa Claus. Mr. Claus's birth name was originally David Quigley, but we will be referring to him by his legal name. I apologise for the confusion this may cause, a sentiment shared by our political correspondent, Brian O'Rourke. Brian, for everyone watching at home, can you please explain what just happened?”
By Conor Matthews2 years ago in Fiction
The One Hundred
"Why are we here? What do you want with us?" The Creator peered curiously into the glass globe infront of her, a benevolent presence in an otherwise bewildering situation. It was her world and she was its ruler. Like a mad professor in a lab., she could observe and analyse and alter and remove if she liked as she was the controller of the Globe and everything that lay therein.
By Rachel Deeming2 years ago in Fiction
