Sweaty Sheets

Sweaty Sheets

"Of course, I love you baby. Who wouldn't love someone like you? You're smart, you have a great job, and you hope to have your own business someday, so yeah, you're great! Besides, we're having fun right now. We're doing alright, right? Let's not get into one of those boring "if we were married" discussions. You know how I hate that. Marriage just messes everything up!" commented the man who lay beside her on an all-too-familiar bed in an all-too-familiar old apartment building across the tracks on the west side of town.

"You're just saying that because you know I want to hear it. You're just trying to stop me from having a dream or making a life that would make me happy with you. I want my husband to be all mine. I don't like to share! I'm sure I'm not the only one that you've told that same thing to since I've been seeing you. I'd bet my life on it." CeCe said as she brushed his hair out of his eyes so she could see if he was going to lie.

"The windows of the soul...the windows of the soul," she whispered as she waited for the response that didn't come. It never came.

"What in the world are you talking about? I told you when I met you that my life had been, well, it had been a rocky one. I told you I was a free-spirited man. I never told you that I hadn't been around the corner a couple of times, did it? Now, you want me to expose my life, one that personally I might not be so proud of, to you, a person from the other side of the street from a life that's not like mine. I'm not into those church things like you tell me about. Honestly, you and me are really from two different worlds." he commented, turned, and threw back the damp sheet that covered their bodies.

"If you're looking for someone like that, you better look in another direction. I've never changed for anyone, any woman, and you're no exception. Why am I telling you this? You know this already, but you still keep coming for some reason. You still come here no matter when I call or what day it is!" he added to reinforce the fact that he had plenty of life experiences behind him, but he was trying to make a better life for himself now, or at least that was his plan. Even in this attempt to show some responsibility in the relationship by repeating what he'd already told CeCe numerous times, his loyalty was still being questioned.

"All I'm trying to do is get to the truth. I've heard a lot around town that makes me question the fact whether you can be trusted at all. I don't want to believe any of that which I've heard, but you're not helping me or convincing me that I should think anything different." she added as she too tossed the sheets aside, slid her legs off of the bed, and got up.

Walking to the bedroom's doorway, she turned, blew him a kiss, and disappeared out of sight. She knew he'd been cheating. There was no doubt of it. The people who came to her about him had irrefutable proof that things weren't at all as they appeared to be with Donovan. As often quoted, "A picture is worth a thousand words," and after being shown pictures of him out with others in the city, CeCe had to see him at least one more time, spend the time she needed, and come to grips with the reality that the future she wanted with him was not attainable. She had to tell him today and she would.

He used her absence from the room to put his clothes on and was sitting by the window in the upstairs apartment looking out over the city where he worked. It wasn't the first time he'd met her here, but it was going to be the last. He knew there would never be someone like CeCe in his life again. Sadly, he knew that once she stepped away, there wouldn't be anyone like her coming to spend time with him in his rented apartment. She wasn't really his type, whatever his type was, but he pretended she was for the time they spent together sharing each other. He loved his job and he loved his freedom. If anyone attempted to change those two things, it would be fruitless and damning. His antics were just that, his. He'd never confessed to believing anything other than that he wanted what he wanted and the rest could take a hick. He didn't offer an excuse nor did he ask for forgiveness. He wasn't one of those "church-going Bible thumpers" nor did he claim to be. If someday he chose to turn his life in a different direction, he didn't need them to make that happen.

"Come sit with me," he asked as CeCe came back from the bathroom. She'd taken a quick shower, wrapped a towel around her head, and pulled the robe's belt tightly around her waist. She knew she was in for a long drawn-out discussion with Donovan if she wanted to open that door. But, for her, the answer was as clear as it was going to get. She knew and soon he would know it was over.

"Babe, we're not going to make it. I want to be honest with you and not deceive you into thinking that we are. And, rather than have a fight, I just want to go my way and you can go yours leaving both of us with some respect." began CeCe as she reached across the empty table for his hand, squeezed it, and pulled away.

"What exactly does that mean?" asked Donovan as he turned in his chair to face her.

For a second, neither of them spoke, neither said anything or made any gestures. It was an even playing field and both had an equal opportunity to say whatever was on their mind.

"I don't know how to make this any clearer. I can't see you anymore," admitted CeCe as she followed through with the instructions her mother had given her time and time again. She was aware that if she didn't do as she was told, things would get much worse at home.

"On the one hand, I want to see you, but my parents have given me an ultimatum. Either stop seeing you or move out. I have nowhere to go. You know and I know, you're not ready to "settle down" or stop playing the field. And, yeah, I know about the others. But I'll tell you this, they don't love you as I do nor will they ever!" stated CeCe as she stood up, walked over to the chair near the bed, picked up her dress, and began to prepare to slip it on.

"So it's like that?" Donovan snorted.

"Yes, it's like that!" replied CeCe as she slipped her dress over her head and let it fall over her body.

"And there's nothing I can do to change your mind?" he asked as he brushed his hair back away from his face and smiled a full smile.

"That might have worked before I got to know you Don, but we're way beyond the innocent stage now." rebuked CeCe as she turned to attend to her things. For CeCe, the end had come. There wasn't anywhere else to go with Donovan. She'd seen him for months, but even during the times he was seeing her, he was also seeing others in the city. She knew she loved him, but she had to decide to love herself more. She had to decide to walk away from this person who meant more to her than she meant to him. Besides, in time, this whole affair would blow up in her face leaving her destitute, deprived, and desperate to find someone to help her out of her family's house.

"So this is it?" he asked again.

"Yes, this is it!" she stated with a tone that denoted she'd become someone other than just a weekly event. She didn't want to be angry, but she was. She knew it was her choice to see him in the first place. Now, it was her choice to walk away. Did she make some mistakes? Did she want to be with a man who was a polar opposite to the lifestyle of her family? Would he ever be accepted? Those were the final questions that made her make the most difficult choice in her life.

"Donovan, I don't know exactly what you're looking for, but I'll tell you this much, I've given myself to you, heart, soul, and mind. I've loved you with all of me. And, as a result, it has meant nothing to you. Therefore; I can't continue to discredit myself in this way with you. I'm probably going to hell anyway for this. Out there, out there somewhere is a man who will love me the way I deserve to be loved. Not just for this." she said as she waved her hand and pointed to the wrinkled sheets, tossed pillows, and dirty curtains.

"Yes, Donovan, there is someone who will be more of a man than you've been because being a man is more than this?" she added, turned, slipped her black pumps on, and walked over to the door.

There wasn't anything else to say. For the two people who had met at a city construction site, it was over. CeCe reached for the doorknob, turned it, and pulled the door as far open as she could so that Donovan could see outside.

"You see that Donovan? Out there somewhere is my answer. Out there walking the streets somewhere is a man who's not afraid to be called my husband. You don't know what that word means. And, as far as you and I are concerned, we're done!" She stepped through the doorway and closed the door behind her knowing full well that Donovan wasn't finished with her.

As far as Donovan and how he felt, well he felt that no one could have enough of him. He knew that in the future she'd be asking him to come back, if need be, he'd be searching her out to find out if she would have at least one more toss between the sheets. She'd find him if she needed him.

"I'm not worried, babe. You'll come crawling back. That all comes crawling back.

He knew she'd be no different.

And so was my love torn from my arms never to be seen again.