Still Looking For You.

Sherry walked by the sea alone. It had been only been a month since her husband had passed away in hospital. He had been ill for almost three years with an illness that nobody could name. She listened to the gulls cawing, and she heard the waves singing; though every sound felt distant to her. She used to walk by the sea on this beach with her husband, but he had long gone and Sherry felt lonely and lost without him. Memories replayrd themselves in her mind over and over again.

"I love you Sherry. Promise me that if I don't make it, you will always look after yourself." Those were his last words.

"No, no! don't throw the ball too high!" He had called to her the year before that fatal illness had struck him. They had been playing catch on the beach, and Sherry had accidently hit him on the head with the ball. The game turned into a fun game of 'catch my head.'

Sherry wiped a tear away from her eye. Her lonely world was all too consuming for her, but she hadn't wanted another relationship since the loss of her husband.

She looked around. At first she thought she had seen him walk across the beach.

"Hayden," she called; but the image faded quickly.

She walked back to shore with her head down.

Sherry walked backed home slowly. She really didn't want to face the loneliness back there. The whole house felt cold without her husband, and it made her feel more lonely than the empty hole in her heart. She reached home two hours later. Taking a deep breath, she unlocked the door and stepped inside.

"Would you like a cup of coffee love?"

She was about to reply when she realized that she would only be talking to herself.

She sat down on a chair by a dining table in her kitchen, and putting her head in her hand she cried. When she stopped crying, she made herself some coffee. However, it didn't taste of anything other than the salty tears that she had just cried.

She was about to run herself a bath, when she heard,

"Would you like a towel, love?"

Sherry shut her eyes and covered her ears in an attempt to make the voices go away. However, when she opened them, she searched every room for her husband...

but he was gone, and she couldn't bring him back.

It felt like he was still with her even years after his death. She would often sense that he was still in the house laughing and joking with her, and she would sometimes feel his touch warming her. Even when Sherry was doing other things like shopping and walking it felt like he was still there with her.

No matter where she went, he was everywhere.

When morning came, Sherry was still feeling the effects of grief but she still went to visit his grave as she did every week. She told him,

"I love you. I feel you and hear you no matter where I go, but I know your not there. I can't accept the fact that you are gone no matter how I try. I know now that I might never be able to accept it. I try to be strong every day, but you are everywhere. I have not come to say goodbye because I am not ready for that. I simply want to say that I love you."

Sherry realized that there was no recovery from grief, though she did learn to deal with it. She journaled and she took flowers to the grave everyday; and she spoke loving words to her husband every day.

She really missed him, but she became comfortable knowing that he was still around her even though she couldn't bring him back.

Sherry went on to live a normal happy life, making friends no matter where she went. However, she decided that a relationship would never be for her, because her only true love was her husband.

Instead, she chose to counsel other women who were grieving, and that helped her to rebuild her life again.