Splattered Cake

It felt like it had been forever since he had been to the store. Let alone by himself. He didn’t understand the point. Why Link had asked him to go. Like he couldn’t pick up the damn stuff for the party?

He had other things to worry about. The test that was coming up in two days in his math class. The fact that Lana Maverick hadn’t replied to the note he had asked Ellen to slide into her locker. The fact that Maury was talking to Dad about those things…all of that was way more important than picking a few items up from the store.

It seemed as if life never stopped moving forward in the wrong direction. He was 15 and yeah he knew a lot of guys that didn’t have girlfriends, but those guys weren’t him. If he asked Cole his opinion, it wasn’t a huge deal however, Cole was not interested in girls. If he asked Pat, Pat would have told him relationships were overrated anyway. He really wanted a girlfriend and instead of meeting everyone at the park to make that more likely, he was in the grocery store looking at cake mix.

All because his dad had been too lazy to order one from the baker like he usually did. He wished he could say he felt the trip was worth it because he loved his little brother Steve. He didn’t feel that way though.

So there he was staring at the shelves filled from the top to the middle with cake mixes all so Steve could have something for his birthday even if he wasn’t getting a party because of Al. Al who should have been staying as far away from Steve as possible. Al who Jack couldn’t stop from being a part of Steve’s life even if he had tried.

He hated his town, his life. The perfectly matching houses of the sub-division they lived in. The tall wooden fences that kept prying eyes out. He hated every second of it. Just walking around the impeccably manicured lawns and carefully managed flower beds made him feel like he was suffocating in a façade of picture-perfect families. Especially his family.

There were so many things wrong with his life that if someone had asked him to talk about it he wouldn’t have known where to start. If he should start by mentioning his mom’s mysterious death from the flu that she should have easily recovered from. Or if he should talk about all the other things he was sure no one wanted to know about let alone hear.

Someone cleared their throat causing him to jump in alarm. He turned to find a man standing there. His white hair only covering the sides of his head leaving a bald spot from the crown downward. A bright shiny forehead that reflected the store's fluorescent lighting giving the man a weird sheen.

“Sorry,” Jack mumbled moving to the side so the man could look at the large selection of flavors.

They were stacked way past his head. Funfetti, Lemon, Strawberry, Cherry, French Vanilla, and even orange cream. A large variety filling the shelves and staring him in the eye. It was as if they were small kittens at the pet shop begging with him to simply pick one. Red Velvet, German chocolate, and golden yellow sitting at eye height with him vying for attention.

The guy chuckled at him, “It’s ok. You just seem like you may need some help so I decided to come over and see if you need anything.”

Jack felt a pang of anxiety work its way from his stomach crashing through his system as he forced a polite smile to paint his face, “No, I’m, huh. I’m ok. Really.”

“Are you sure? You look overwhelmed,” the man asked something in his eyes making Jack shift uncomfortably. He hated it when people looked at him like that. As if he didn’t realize what that look meant. The hackles on the back of his neck standing on end as he looked at the man noticing he was an employee.

He told himself to calm down. That it was ok and the man was just doing his job. It didn’t feel or seem ok though. It felt invading as if the man wanted to be too close to his skin. As if he wanted to get to know him better than Jack felt comfortable with.

“I’m ok,” Jack repeated his smile still firmly in place as he attempted to hide the anxiety radiating from him, “Really. I just need to pick a mix out to bake a cake for my brother.”

“Really? His birthday?”

Jack nodded his head trying his best to exude a casual confidence. To show the man there wasn’t anxiety creeping up from somewhere deep inside him and taking over his stomach, his spine. Trying to show him he was anything but nervous.

“Huh, yeah. How’d you know?” he asked.

“Usually when a kid your age is looking at cake mix it’s because he’s trying to impress a girl or he’s picking it up as a favor for mom and dad. Is he a chocolate type of kid?” The man asked.

Jack nodded his head just hoping the man would go away. That way he could get out of there before a cold sweat of anxiety broke out on his skin. If he could do that, he could avoid having an anxiety attack, and anxiety attacks were best avoided.

“I would try the devil’s food cake then if I were you with the double chocolate frosting that is…” the guy turned walking down the aisle slightly toward the frosting section, “here.”

He said grabbing a can and handing it to Jack, “Usually kids love this stuff. I know when I was your age they didn’t have this many types to choose from, but you can never go wrong with plain chocolate. How old is he?” The guy asked making the ease he had felt moments before transform back into uncomfortable politeness.

“He’s going to be 14,” Jack said, “I think I’ll take your suggestion. Thanks.”

“Good, well, if you need more help just look around. We’re all over the place,” The man said.

Jack nodded his head, “Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.”

He sighed heavily as he walked away. At least he didn’t ask too many questions. That was a good thing. He didn’t like people who asked too many questions because he was never sure how he should respond.

Charlie had drilled into all of his kids from the time any of them could remember that their home life was private and no one needed to know unnecessary information. If it wasn’t something that would be considered common knowledge for work or school it didn’t need to be spoken about. That rule made sense to Jack, he just wasn’t always sure what would qualify as unnecessary information in his dad’s eyes.

Sure, Steve’s age might not be necessary information for Jack to buy him mix to make his birthday cake, but it would have been public information at school at the very least. It didn’t hurt to be open and honest about something so simple. At least, that was how Jack saw it.

He wandered the aisles for a while looking for other things he thought they may need. Candles to put on the cake, sprinkles. He even brought one of those big tubs of ice cream in Steve’s favorite flavor, cookies, and cream. It was the least he could do to make his brother’s day that much more special even if they couldn’t do much else.

The bike ride home was short and sweet, maybe 20 minutes in the temperate weather a light rain starting to dot the pavement as he rode up into the driveway. Dad’s car was still missing even though Link’s rusty beat-up blue sedan was sitting securely in its usual spot. That was good, at least he didn’t have to worry about Dad and his unwanted gaze following him as he went about putting together their make-shift celebration.

It wasn’t like Steve was going to get anything else. Dad said he had been acting like a spoiled brat recently. Jack wasn’t sure how Steven wanting to have some control over how his time was used was being a brat, but whatever. The least they could do to make him feel cared about was to bake him a cake.

Jack walked into the house and hadn’t even managed to get off his shoes before Link started questioning him, “So did you get it? The cake mix?”

“Yeah, I got it.”

“Did you have any trouble finding any…,” Link trailed off as he grabbed the plastic bag from Jack reading the words on the box as he fished it out, “devil’s food cake? He’ll probably like that isn’t that just like chocolate?”

Jack bent over to untie his shoes next to the other bag with the ice cream pal, candles, and sprinkles on the floor, “Yeah, that’s what the guy said. And he loves chocolate.”

“I know. So how hard was it?”

Jack didn’t need Link to explain the question. He knew how difficult being in public spaces was for Jack. That Jack was a home-body. Someone who didn’t like going too many places if he didn’t have to. Link didn’t even tease him about it, just accepted that was who Jack was. He wouldn’t have even asked Jack to pick it up if he hadn’t been desperate to make sure Steve had something, anything to celebrate with.

“It wasn’t horrible. There was this guy there. He helped me figure it out. There were a lot of different kinds to choose from.”

“Well, I’m glad he helped you out. You can’t really go wrong with Chocolate when it comes to Steve. I’m pretty sure we have…” Link glanced at the back of the box while walking towards the kitchen, “yep we have everything we need to make it. So do you want to get started or should I?”

“I have a little bit of homework. So if you could work on it, that would probably be better. Everyone knows I would probably fudge it up anyway. You know I can’t cook to save my life,” Jack said.

It was true. When he had been Steve’s age he had managed to burn a pot of boiling water. He had put it on the stove to make Mac and cheese and gotten distracted by something. He hadn’t even remembered he had turned the stove on until he heard the smoke alarm go off. Dad had agreed it was an impressive feat even if it wasn’t what one could consider positive.

“Ok. I got it. Sit down and do your homework. Do you need any help?”

Jack shook his head. It was just math. Math was simple enough, you looked at the numbers did what you had to and you came to an answer. That answer was either correct or it wasn’t. It didn’t matter what steps you took to get there the answer always had to come out right or you had simply taken the wrong steps.

Math was black and white unlike a lot of things in life. There wasn’t any guesswork as to whether the number 5 was going to be the answer or not. There wasn’t any guesswork as to whether 28 would agree to sign on the dotted line. There was no question on what 13 was thinking if it thought of you at all.

It was just numbers. Plain and simple. It was either right or it was wrong. There was nothing in-between to ponder at or worry about. It just was what it was.

As he got to work he could hear Link doing the same. The sound of eggs being cracked against the bowl. The sound of the mixer turning on to whip the ingredients together. The oven being turned on and beeping once it was preheated while Link scraped the batter from the mixing bowl into the cake pans.

It smelled like Chocolate. An edible cloud of spongy rich delight. It was something that he was sure Steve would really enjoy once he got home from Soccer practice even if Al was still with him.

Jack couldn’t wait to see the look on his face as they revealed his unexpected treat. How his eyes would glow with gratitude as the light from the candles reflected off them. How he would question if the biggest piece was going to be for him. How while he wasn’t getting anything else he would be allowed to have that moment to make him feel special in a good way.

The more time passed the stronger the aroma permeated the air. The more that Jack felt his mouth watering as he desired to simply put a piece of that delectable sponge into his mouth as he imagined it almost melting on contact with his saliva. The timer going off as Link pulled it out of the oven and placed it on the counter to cool.

“They look like they are going to be even,” Link muttered as he walked into the living room addressing himself more than Jack.

“And that’s why I let you do it,” Jack said.

Link chuckled, “You aren’t that bad at it.”

“Yeah, I am. I burn water!”

“That was one time! Once! You have to give yourself a break. You have other things to worry about,” Link insisted.

“I still shouldn’t be burning water. Are you looking for something to watch?” Steve asked as he noticed Link starting to surf through channels on the TV.

“Yeah I mean it’s 5 pm the only thing that I’m going to find is probably Jenny Jones and the evening news. So I might as well look at all my options, why?”

“I’m just curious. So are you going to watch Jenny Jones?” Jack asked.

“Huh, bratty teenagers?” Link snorted, “No thanks I have two of those now.”

“We’re not that bad. And you’re still a teenager.”

“I’m 18. Almost 19. That means I’m an adult,” Link said putting his feet on the coffee table next to Jack’s math book.

“Teen. Nine-Teen,” Jack said emphasizing the “teen” part of the number, “That means you are still a teenager.”

“A teenager that makes birthday cakes, cooks dinner, cleans the house, and takes care of all the house duties,” Link said.

“You don’t do it all by yourself. I help. I mean I’m here so I help. Speaking of people being here where on earth is Nate?” Jack muttered.

“Hiding in his room playing The Sims. I don’t understand why he enjoys that game.”

Jack sighed. He wasn’t sure what it was, but it could have been because it gave him a minimal amount of control. It wasn’t like he had control anywhere else. It wasn’t as if Dad would allow that to happen.

None of them had any. Dad controlled everything they did. He controlled how they spent their free time, how they dressed, what they ate. He controlled as much about them as he could. And that included making sure Steve saw Al as often as possible.

It sucked because Steve deserved better. He didn’t deserve to be treated the way Al treated him. Talked to that way. He hadn’t seen too much of them together, but Steve was slowly becoming a shell of that loud boy who used to joke about farts before waiting until Steve fell asleep on the couch and farting in his face screaming “STINK BOMB!” at the top of his lungs to wake him.

He was only a ghost of the kid who would have spent hours digging in the dirt to find worms so they could go fishing on Saturday morning and Sunday after service if they could talk dad into it. He wasn’t the same boy anymore. He was changing.

Jack continued doing homework as Link eventually gave up on finding something to watch and decided he should make dinner before he frosted the cake. Nate eventually finding his way downstairs to sit down and watch some celebrity gossip news shows before Link called them into the kitchen.

It wasn’t a fancy dinner just some helper meal. Jack wondering if Al was going to feed him something fancy or simply take Steve to one of those stupid restaurants he didn’t want to go to as he stared at the cake in the middle of the table that was decorated simply. A “Happy birthday” written on it in orange-colored frosting and covered in rainbow sprinkles.

About halfway through the meal, they heard a few voices as people approached the door. Steve walking into the house first and stopping to take off his shoes as the conversation Dad and Al were having carried slightly. everyone ignoring it as Link lit the candles with the lighter from the junk drawer.

Steve’s eyes went wide as he saw the lights flickering in the center of the table. The mound of chocolate as his 3 brothers started singing, “Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, happy birthday Dear Steve, Happy birthday to you!”

“Thanks,” he said quietly before going over to the knife drawer and pulling out a big cake spatula getting ready to dig in before Dad cleared his throat.

Steve’s face fell as he looked at them, “It’s just one piece. It’s my birthday, please?”

“You don’t need it,” Al said, “You know you don’t.”

“Dad? Come on!” Steve begged.

“It’s one piece. Don’t be like that,” Link said shaking his head in disappointment.

“I’m in charge of that and I said no,” Al told them all shaking his head.

“B…”

“DON’T!” Al barked loud enough that it made Jack’s ears ring.

Steve deserved some fucking cake! He was turning 14. He deserved to have his birthday celebrated decently and not just some half-assed dinner at a run-down restaurant. He deserved to feel special. To have a little piece of happiness on his birthday. It looked like he wasn’t going to get it though.

Al charging forward at the table as if he were a bull charging a matador. He grabbed the simple round cake that was baked with love and kindness and treated it with nothing but malice grabbing it rudely and chucking it at the wall.

The only thing Jack could do was watch his brother as the cake crumbled before his eyes. Steve’s heart crumbling with it. Steve’s face fell as he looked at the remains of his birthday cake sworn across the floor and down the wall.

“I HATE YOU!!” he screamed at Al pushing past him and running into the living room and up the stairs slamming his bedroom door.

“I made that!” Link said looking at their dad and Al, “I put a lot of work into that and you couldn’t just leave him alone? Just let him have one single piece? What is wrong with you?”

Al shook his head, “I said he doesn’t need it. He doesn’t need it. That’s that. Now I’m going to…”

“You’re going to leave. Or we’re going to have a problem,” Link said not looking at Al, but glaring at their dad, “I don’t want to deal with this today. I made that cake for him. For STEVEN who…”

Link trailed off not even able to put words to his thoughts. So frustrated he couldn’t speak. He walked to the pantry his hands shaking as he got out the broom and the dustpan. Jack sighing heavily as he went over and took them from him so they could start cleaning up.

That’s all their lives were messes they didn’t ask for, but they were left to clean up. It seemed impossible for life to be anything else. For life to have any meaning or value besides being a ruined chocolate cake smashed on the kitchen floor and splattered on the walls.