Sorrow Consumed Me

Victoria rubbed her arms with her hands. Her body felt colder than it had before she started telling her story. She wondered if she was making a mistake. "Is it just me or is it colder in here?" she asked the aid.

The aid looked around the room and back towards Victoria. "I'm not sure. It might be a bit chilly let me check the thermostat." she walked over to the wall near the only entry into the room. She looked at the thermostat and brought her face closer to it. "I think it might be broken," she said finally.

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, it looks like the temperature is dropping but that can't be right. Give me a minute," she said before she pulled a phone out of the back of her scrubs. "Hey, yeah, it's Mary. Listen, I'm in the room with a patient. We are recording the video session. Yeah, that's the one. So listen, the temperature gauge seems to be broken. The room is normally set at 76 but when I went to check it just now it was at 68 and it went down to 67 while I was looking at it. I don't think that's normal...yeah...ok...should we stop our session or is it alright to keep going?...Great. Thanks. OK. Bye." she disconnected the call and turned back towards Victoria.

"They are going to send someone out. We can record until they get here and afterwards we will have to wrap it up."

"OK." Victoria said. She felt an odd mixture of relief and fear at the same time. "Can I start now?" She asked as Mary the aid walked back over to the camera.

"Just one minute, let me get this back up and running." she said as she started pressing buttons. "Ok, we are all set. Ready when you are."

Victoria nodded and continued her story, "The nights spent between the dashing blonde and I had grown in frequency. What started off sporadically had become an every night occurrence. I found myself falling in love with him. One night, I dared to ask him his name. Against my better judgement and my sanity I asked the question “Who are you?” It fell from my lips before I had a moment to second guess my choices. “I’m Michael” he whispered into my ear. My Michael, the man that existed only in my mind yet he seemed so real that I couldn’t help but start to believe that he was.

He told me that he was a lost spirit searching for someone to love him. He was searching for me. “I’ve been searching for you, my sweet Victoria,” he told me as the pressure of his hand rested on my hip just as it had so many nights before. My heart ached at the thought that someone like him could fall in love with someone like me. I was so utterly broken. That someone could fall in love with me and that we could be connected even through the spiritual plane of existence left me feeling renewed and reborn. “My Victoria!” He called me. My heart ached at the sound of his voice.

I turned towards him and thought I saw the full features of his face for the first time. His blue eyes glimmered in the darkness of the room as I held his gaze. I felt an ache inside my chest. A longing for something that I couldn’t have with him. “Michael,” I whispered. A part of me was afraid that someone would hear me speaking to him or myself. Yet, hard as I tried I couldn’t bring myself to hold my tongue.

“I’ve missed you,” he said as the image of him grew clearer.

I reached out my hand to caress his face but my hand simply passed through him. Sorrow consumed me in that moment. How foolish I had been to believe that I could touch something so perfect and pure. I was unworthy of the love that he lavished on me. “Why?” I asked with a tremor in my voice. “Why, what?” He responded with a questioning glare.

“Why can’t I touch you?” I asked as my hand fell onto my pillow. Defeat and despair filled me. He wasn’t real. He was merely the creation of my mind. He couldn’t be real because I couldn’t touch him. I couldn’t feel him. The empty space that surrounded me served as a reminder of my failing sanity. He grimaced. “I’m a ghost. I can only hold you in your dreams or if you too are in spirit form.” His words cut through me like a knife.

“Are you asking me to kill myself?” I gasped at the outrageousness of it.

He laughed heartily. “No,” his face drew closer to mine. I could almost feel his breath on my skin. “Do you trust me?” he asked.

My eyes bore deep into his as I contemplated his question. 'Did I...trust him?' I wondered. “I…” my words caught in my throat.

“Close your eyes and let sleep take you. Listen for my voice and I will find you. Could you do that for me?” Those piercing blue eyes sent shivers through my core. I did trust him. It was hard to admit that to myself but I knew it was the truth. He had succeeded in taking everything from me, even my will. If I should perish to be with him that would be a small price to pay. I closed my eyes and could almost feel him smiling at me. “Good girl, sleep, and come to me when I call for you,” his voice lulled me into a peaceful slumber.

“Victoria!” I heard my name in the darkness and followed the sound. There he stood before me, complete and so beautiful I thought I’d stop breathing. As his image cleared in my mind the reality struck me. “I know you!”