So There Goes That Secret

Theo loved working in a barn. He loved lifting the hay and trudging through mud with a wheelbarrow in hand. He loved brushing down the horses and hosing down the stalls. He loved wearing his baggy dirt-stained jeans, his black binder, and his loose thick-strapped tank top along with his smelly, muddy boots. Hell, he didn’t even mind mucking out the stalls.

It was his own perfect world.

“You’re here early.” The barn’s owner, Jeremy, said, startled, standing in the entryway of his barn.

The barn was old, shabby and falling apart, but it was his father’s, and his father’s before him, and his before him, and Jeremy didn’t have the heart to tear it down. He had sought out some help to fix it up a few months ago and stumbled upon Theo.

Theo dropped the hay he was holding and straightened up. “Rough night, wasn’t gonna get anymore sleep.”

Jeremy nodded, solemn. He knew what the kid meant. “Well, I ain’t complaining.” He glanced Theo over with narrow eyes. “Theo, today, is it?” He asked.

Theo nodded with a grin.

Jeremy waved him off. “Well, drop by the house before you leave. I’ve got your paycheck.”

“Don’t want to forget that.” Theo chuckled.

Jeremy let the barn door clang shut behind him.

Theo turned back to the hay pile, nearly jumping out of his skin when he noticed the figure of a girl behind him. She lifted her hand in a small wave and he took note of the scars littering the inside of her left arm.

“Hey,” She said.

“Hey,” Theo replied unsurely.

“I’m checking out the barn, might board my horse here.” She explained.

The wind ruffled her curly black hair and the sunlight seeping in through the dusty barn windows glanced off the freckles on her ch.

“I’m Linnea.” She brushed down her dark grey dress and dug the toe of her boot into the dirt.

“Phoebe.” Theo said with a soft smile.

Linnea’s brows furrowed. “Didn’t Jeremy just call you Theo?”

Theo stopped short. He blanked. “Umm,” His eyes were trapped by hers, sky blue and bright with curiosity. “Yeah…” He drew out, “Uh, I guess he did…”

Linnea’s lips curled up at the corners. “So why did you tell me your name was Phoebe?”

Theo hesitated. “Uh,” He scratched the backs of his hands. “Because that’s the name we--I--” He corrected quickly, “--usually go by.”

But she was quick to catch his mistake. “We?”

“Shit.” He muttered. He scuffed his boot and tucked his hands into his pocket. He looked up at her with a sheepish grin. “How about I show you around the barn?”

She chuckled as she shook her head. “No way. Not when you’re acting so strange. You’re burying me in curiosity. Come on, whatever-your-name-is, I need answers.”

Theo sighed elaborately. “Alright, fine.”

Don't tell her.

Theo shook the thought from his head and started to speak.

Shut it or else.

Theo caught on the words on the tip of his tongue just as they were about to slip through his lips. His stomach spun with unease.

You know what I’m capable of.

Theo looked back at Linnea as she waited patiently. A war waged behind his eyes, but he knew he couldn’t win, not against this opponent.

“I can’t.” He said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

He turned to leave, but she grabbed his arm and he jerked backwards. His heart jumped into his throat and suddenly he couldn’t breathe. His back hit the stall and his ears were ringing and he couldn’t think. Someone was crying. Someone was shouting. Someone was running.

And then it all came to a shuddering stop. Theo’s body froze, his shoulders straightened out, his jaw clenched, his fingers flexed, and when he looked up, his eyes were ice cold.

Linnea took a startled step back.

“Are you...okay…?”

Shards got to her feet and brushed the dust off Theo’s clothes. Her lips curled in distaste at the feel of the binder pressing against her chest, but she focused her attention on the girl in front of her.

“Who the hell are you?” Shards snapped.

Linnea’s lips parted, then closed, then parted again. “L-Linnea--we just met--I--”

“It doesn’t matter. Whatever you’re here for, get it done and get out.” Shards glanced around the barn before turning to the hay pile and resuming Theo’s work.

But Linnea didn’t move. Her eyes ran over Shards’ body, from her toes to her eyes, and her head tilted slightly to the side as she nibbled her bottom lip.

“Your entire body language just completely shifted.” She observed. “And your tone changed, as well as your manner of speaking.”

Shards stilled, her gloved hands gripping the strings holding the hay bales together.

“I change moods quickly.” She said shortly. “And it's none of your concern.”

Linnea took a step towards her, and Shards snapped around to face her, every limb tense, on the edge, ready to fight at a moment’s notice.

“I’m not going to hurt you.” Linnea murmured sadly.

Shards scoffed. “Of course not. You’re practically a child.”

Linnea frowned. “You look like you’re the same age as me? And we have similar builds.”

Shards hesitated. “Just do whatever you came here to do and leave me alone.”

“I’m majoring in abnormal psychology, you know?” Linnea commented.

Shards’ brows furrowed in frustration and confusion. “And why the hell would I care about that?”

“Because it means I’ll understand.” Linnea’s tone was gentle.

Shards stiffened. “Understand what?”

“I think you know.”

Shards felt Phoebe stirring and she tried to push her back. It wasn’t safe. This girl knew too much. They weren’t safe here anymore.

“Don’t--” Shards held out her hand to steady herself. She felt almost dizzy, and the world was growing distant around her. “You need to--leave.” She turned away.

Phoebe slipped into the body like rainwater dripping through the cracks in the old barn’s roof.

She looked up slowly and took stock of the barn and the sun, and her clothes. She turned around and jumped violently when her eyes landed on Linnea’s form.

“Oh my god, you scared me.” She gasped, her hands on her heart.

Linnea blinked. “I’ve been here the whole time.”

Phoebe caught her breath. “Oh, yeah, course.”

Linnea’s bright eyes scanned over her. “You did it again.”

Phoebe smiles in confusion. “Sorry? Did what?”

“Changed.” Linnea stepped towards her and Phoebe took an unconscious step back. “Your body language, tone, mannerisms, it all changed.”

“It did?” Phoebe laughed. “How interesting. I didn’t even notice.” She glanced around the barn for some kind of clue as to who this girl was and what she was doing here, but there was nothing.

“I think you did.” Linnea pressed.

Phoebe pulled her lips tight and her brows scrunched. “Um, what do you mean by that?”

“You know what I mean.”

Phoebe bit her lip. Chills ran up her spine. What did this girl know? Who even was she?

“I really don’t--”

“Stop lying.” She expected Linnea’s voice to be harsh, but it was gentle, soft. “You don't’ have to be afraid of me.”

Phoebe hesitated, but when her eyes met Linnea’s, something inside of her relaxed. She was wary, but she didn’t feel unsafe.

“Okay.” She said quietly.

Linnea smiled encouragingly. “So tell me, please, what just happened.”

Phoebe gestured to the haystack and both girls sat down together.

“I have DID.” Phoebe said quietly. “Dissociative Identity Disorder.”

Linnea only nodded. “I thought as much.”

“You know about it?” Surprise slipped through her tone.

Linnea smiled. “Abnormal Psychology major. I told one of you.”

“So you know about the memory loss and the--”

“The alternate identities? Yeah.”

“Oh.” Phoebe curled her hands together in her lap, her head lowered.

“Hey, its okay.” Linnea turned to face her. “I may not understand completely, but I’ve learned a lot about this stuff, and I know it must be hard for you.”

Phoebe nodded. “Extremely.”

“So, can I ask your name?”

Phoebe smiled a little. “Phoebe.”

Linnea brightened. “Oh, you’re the one Theo mentioned—I mean, not on purpose—he said he was you and—oh god, I’m so sorry—I just assumed—pronouns?”

Phoebe chuckled quietly. “I’m she/her. Theo’s he/him.”

“And there was another person who came out,” Linnea started, “cold and a little mean?”

“Must’ve been Shards.” Phoebe said. “She can be a handful sometimes.”

It was nice talking about it all so openly. She’d only ever told four people. And only two remained in her life: her best friend and roommate, Winsley, and Jeremy. It was scary, but it was nice at the same time. And for some reason, something inside of her urged her to trust this girl.

She looked up and her eyes caught on Linnea’s. The blue sparkled and Phoebe felt a flutter in her stomach.

“Well, I definitely like this barn.” Linnea grinned. “I think my horse will do just fine here.” She got to her feet. “So, I guess I’ll be seeing you around?”

Phoebe nodded and watched as Linnea turned and walked out of the barn, her mind reeling from everything that had just taken place.

Damn that was unexpected. Shark muttered in their thoughts.

Phoebe couldn’t help but agree as she got back to work.