Melanie can't tell what's worse: the storm, or the thin-ice tensity between herself and Dan. For long miles, the only sound in the beat-up Subaru has been the crunch of its worn treads over snow furrows. She minds those frozen lines. They're her only lane guides. They're a promise from a traveler who made it through.
Before them rises a hill, the road hemmed in by the dark, craggy rocks it's cut through. The rest of the world is white, even now, so close to midnight. Melanie tightens her grip on the steering wheel, revs a little. Fears the climb.
"Ease up, would you?" Dan gasps.
"I thought you wanted me to go faster." Her words snap. "I thought that's why we got off 95 in the first place." They're halfway up now. Are the tires slipping? Or is she going crazy?
"Yeah, it's all my fault, I get it."
She doesn't need to see his sneer to know it's happened. Usually she lets these small hurts melt away. Tonight, finally cresting the hill, the sting crystalizes in her stomach, mingles with the ache of her adrenaline. She glares at him. Takes her eyes off the white sameness before her, just for a second.
"You know, there's a reason people stay behind plows. It's actually because --"
And the tires skid, the car spins, her neck whips, the rock face slams, the trunk pops, airbags too. White white white.
And the world around is quiet, and she only has herself.
About the Creator
Bring Them Home Now
A Drabble is a story of exactly 100 words. No more, no less. They scream, “Bring Them Home Now!” I agree. Bring them all home. Those behinds bars unjustly. Those buried under the rubble. Those who can’t even haunt their own streets as the street is gone. Dust. Ashes.
By Oneg In The Arctic6 days ago in Fiction
Comments (12)
This is outstanding. You packed so much in so few words. Excellent writing
Suze, this is the best entry for the snow micro that I have read so far. Pitch perfect on the road conditions; pitch perfect on the relational dynamics. The ending is rock solid (sorry, couldn't resist). I especially loved White, white, white!
There's a whole heap of follow up to write on this!
Whew, this was wild from start to finish. I felt the tension of driving in the snow. I liked this line "They're a promise from a traveler who made it through." because its just so true, its this simple hope that someone did it, so can i. well done!
Great work, Suze. I was struck with how poetic the line about frozen lines being a promise from other travelers was. So simple yet so true when you live in that kind of climate. Well done!
Very well detailed. This is some excellent writing.
Excellent
Life can change in a moment.And guilt can last a lifetime. I hope she doesn't berate herself forever.
It takes but a moment, & a navigator who serves instead as an irritant & distraction only has himself to blame.
Oh, this is so good, Suze! Tight, gripping, poetic, punchy. All the words! The speed of the crash, those listed events tu-tu-tu, just perfectly written: "And the tires skid, the car spins, her neck whips, the rock face slams, the trunk pops, airbags too. White white white." You're too good! One of my favorites. 🤩💜
Oof. That's a lot packed into a small space. Great economy of language to weave a great story.
Ahhhh I love this! "the sting crystalizes in her stomach" is a beautiful beautiful phrase! "White white white. And the world around is quiet, and she only has herself." That is just so so indescribably powerful.