Skating Away

In the winter, I always felt that it was easier to be me. In the winter, I seemed to have a purpose. I knew where I was going and when I was struggling, I’d just put on my skates, lace them up tight and skate around the old frozen pond on my parents’ farm for hours and hours. Even on the most frigid days, the sound of my skates’ blades on the ice was a welcome noise. With each circle of the glassy ice that I’d make, I found a way to leave the hurt that was in my head and my heart on the ice.

In the summer, I didn’t have the same outlets for relieving tension. No amount of swimming or running or jumping or going on a nature walk seemed to make me feel any better. I needed to skate. I had heard of indoor rinks that had a special kind of ice that was good at all times of the year but since we lived in the country, I didn’t have access to this.

I was bullied at school, but I didn’t tell anyone. I had a feeling that doing so would just make things worse. Now that I’m an adult, I know that I should have spoken up. But a lot has changed since I was a child. There are a lot of worldly problems which we’re more aware of now, and that are talked about at home.

Even as a grown up, I still lace up my skates and take my problems to the ice. There are some things which are hard to express. Some people like to journal their issues to make sense of them. I leave them out on the ice. It’s the strangest thing, but the more that I skate around, the clearer things become. Even when I’m only concentrated on making circles on the ice or sometimes skating up and down, cutting my name in the ice with my skate blades, my mind processes the parts of my life which are chaotic.

I realize that this might sound crazy but as I skate, I’m leaving behind my problems and taking control of my life. I hope that everyone has an outlet where they can release their tension and have fun but also return to their everyday life feeling refreshed and purposeful.

With my passion for skating, I might had become an Olympian if I’d realized that with enough training and discipline that I could do anything. But I went the route that my mentors told me was the practical one – to go to college and find a good job. I did all of that and my job is enjoyable but if I could I’d skate from the minute that I woke up in the morning until the minute that I went to bed. Even when things would be difficult, I believe that I could face them because I’d be doing what I loved.

However, I’ve never skated competitively, so I don’t know how I’d feel about being constantly judged by what I do on and off the ice. Dreams and what ifs can be complicated, that’s for sure. A part of me believes that we all end up on a path for a reason and even though my path isn’t going to win me any Olympic skating medals, I can still feel the joy that comes from lacing out my skates and heading out to my parents’ frozen pond.

And someday when I’m a parent, I’m going to help my child lace up their skates and take them out onto the pond joyfully with me. I’m going to love and nurture them and encourage them to dream and fall in love with life. Maybe skating will be their passion, or maybe they won’t like it. However, it goes, I will be there for them and respect their decisions because passion must be discovered and not forced.