Silence Part 1.

I was having a conversation with four of my colleagues today at the café when something stirred in me. Angela raised a vital issue that brought up a heated squabble between the four of us.

Angele; so has any of you read an African romantic novel before or even come across one being sold on the streets?

We gave each other ‘that look’, the one of ‘guilty as charged’. Yes, we have come across a number of novels in the romance genre, but to be honest, no African novel holds the title of romance on the cover page.

Angele; does it mean there is no love in Africa or people don’t believe in being smitten any more?

Here is what Anita had in mind:

Anita; Love died with our ancestors, our great-grandparents, and the whole lineage. Character. I think we are a fucked up generation that has embraced selfishness with open arms such that the meaning of love is now rendered useless. Take Kim for example, he has been cheating on me for God knows how long. I have no option but to go to bed with this fact every night. If it is crying, I have cried enough. I don’t believe love exists especially with these black men roaming around.

Anita then looks sternly at us as if trying to read our minds.

‘I think love has lost meaning, and people are petrified by it. Character development is the new norm in this day and age.’ This coming from Zora was for sure a big deal. Among the four of us, she is the only one who stands firm on matters to do with love. Not that I am any different from her, only that my contemplations slightly differ. For I have loved and been loved back, sacrificed my happiness when it wasn’t worth it. But you get to learn over the years that there is more to life than giving your life to a stranger who is likely to replace you at any moment. With love comes a number of things which include happiness, depression, freedom, responsibilities, sacrifices, chances, growth, and compromises among others. I want to make this as simple as I can.

Angele; Cate, when was the last time you had a man in your apartment or should we mind our business?

This hit me hard, and the truth was that a couple of months ago I had made an ultimate decision to pause on the matters of the heart, or every man I came into contact with was either paying games or lusting after me. The good ones had been taken, most of whom had children and I am not the type to fathom baby mama dramas. So I made a deep sigh and opened my mouth to speak.

I am a lover of love but I have limits too just like a typical human being. Yes, inthe past months I’ve been on a rough patch and had to call off relationships that barely lasted me two weeks. The reality is that when you’ve been through so much in life, the red flags are easy to spot and be avoided. I have become so smart that I realize fast enough when I’m being taken for granted. Men will tell you anything and everything so they will tell you what you want to hear. I get it that we are not perfect, and we should be willing to compromise one or two things for a elationship to work but some folks go overboard. Some behaviors cannot be plumbed. Many times I pity myself for the kind of people I attract because seriously, I deserve better. And I tell this to myself all the time.

Rita; Guys I read somewhere that you are the energy you attract. Those random crushes we get are usually a reflection of who we are which is why we use the statement ‘not my type’ more often. I have a dream of meeting my ‘special special’ person in the future, like this reverie of me with Mr. Perfect is deeply engraved in my mind that so often I miss the stars just because I’m after the moon. I see men and fall head over heels for them only to land myself in disappointments. Unlike Carol here who has a whole story for us on how she has kept up with Juma for such a long time.

Carol, you seem happy all the time, tell us what is it that you are doing and we aren’t. Help a friend here. Seriously though, I have to ask why bad things happen to good people.

Carol; don’t get me wrong but my relationship with Juma has mayhems that I have mustered to curb. If you imagine love to be bread and butter then take this from me, you’ll be disappointed for all eternity. A relationship is an uphill that requires two committed souls that are more than willing to compromise. It takes effort, zeal, willingness, patience, smoothness, and a mass of kindness to live with your partner. I have woken up to several bad days with Juma but at the end of the day, I know at the back of my mind that he is the chosen one. The one I hold so close and dear to me. I eminently love my man and would vouch for him any day and every day. What I’m driving home, and I think should stick into your heads is that no one comes bearing flawless lives and it is up to us to have the serenity to accept the things we cannot change. It has worked for Cate here and I keep asking what happened along the line. Like, how come she woke up one day and decided not to be seriously involved?

Cate, what really happened? Care to at least shade some light?