Shades of Beige

I just wanted some cookies to go with my morning coffee. And Jason made such a big deal about the staff snacks that one of the office staff had brought in this morning, so I figured I might as well check it out. I had work to do though. I was going to sneak in, grab a couple cookies and head back to my desk.

That's not how it worked out though.into

The noise was too much. I turned to leave the room.

"No! Come back Janice! We have to tell you something!"

My boss, Jason Villaiger, twenty years my junior, pulled me back in the staff room. It was small, but with our thirty employees crammed in, there was barely enough air to breathe.

Jason pulled me over to the table in the middle of the room.

"We would like to announce our decision for the new VP as our own, Janice Stillborn," he said, grinning like a fool.

I should have been grinning, too. After all, forty years at the same company, and I'd finally reached one of my major goals. I was being offered a VP position.

I didn't know it was coming, but I'd been working towards this ever since I started at the company. I came in as an administrative assistant, determined, ready to do whatever it took.

And I did. I was first to arrive, last to leave. First person to volunteer for an extra-curricular event. Always chipped in for birthday presents and baby shower gifts.

Long days were a habit now. I rarely left before Jason did.

Jason. He was just a child to me. The owner's son. He took over for his dad five years ago. Carl always made it clear that his son would take over for him someday, even when Jason was still just a boy in high school. VP was the highest rank anyone else would ever get.

No woman ever attained the rank of VP in the past. It was just the way things were done. I was sure that not only would I get to be VP someday, and I knew I would be the first woman to do so.

"What do you say, Janice?" Jason asked.

Everyone was waiting for me. They all knew I deserved this. I probably deserved it ten years ago.

Suddenly, it meant nothing. I looked around at the faces of all my co-workers. Others who had similar aspirations.

I thought about all the time I'd put in here. And all the things I missed out on. The marriage proposal I turned down because I knew he wanted children and I didn't want to manage a house, children, and this job.

I know some women did it, but it wasn't for me.

Then there were the vacations that ended early because the office just couldn't function without me. And the years missed medical appointments that meant my health took a backseat more often than not. That might have contributed to the week I spent in the hospital a couple of years ago.

I was fine now, though.

Everyone chanted, "Speech, speech, speech…"

Instead of being excited, I felt suffocated. Their voices smothered me with fakeness. Beige clamped its tendrils around my throat - beige walls, beige counters, beige shirts. Shades of beige everywhere.

Did I really want to live a beige life anymore?

I choked so hard that it woke me up with a jerk.

I gasped; rolled over and reached for my phone. 6 AM. I opened the number for Jason's office phone and pressed green button.

"I'm giving you my two weeks' notice, Jason. And I'm taking a personal day today. I'll be in on Monday to finish up my two weeks."

With a smile, I rolled over, pulled the blankets up and fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.